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how I'm supposed to live my life now

(20 Posts)
eatenbytiger Mon 17-Mar-14 08:43:44

Four years ago I was a happy guy having a normal boring life
I was working really enjoying my job
unfortunately I went ill I've to undergo quite a few serious treatment

My DW left me
I know it is my foult. I went ill I couldn't have sex with her anymore it was just matter of time ever since two failed tries I just knew she would leave cos in her eyes I was not even man anymore
I've lost my job because of my illness

I'm just feeling like failure
After another course of treatment I've finally understand my life is finished
I don't think I'll be able to be a normal man again and the most scary thing is nothing of it is my foult(doctor mistake)

I don't even know if it is phiscily possible for me to be able have intercourse
and even I'd never found the currage to go even for date with any women
Because deep inside it won't be fair to do that not knowing if I'm able to...
So I'm in hopeless situation

I am so upset and resignated
I'm slowly coming to conclusion that my life had been destroyed for good

They all win my ex DW the doctor who is responsible for damages in first place

There is no way out from my situation
The saddest thing is I didn't deserve any of it
I was good husband hard working I'd never cheated on my DW never even thought about it never did anything wrong
Never did anything to deserve all that harm humiliation and suffering

I'm like broken toy in bin because it stopped working

In rl I'm living my life the best way I can trying to have good face for everyone
But the reality is starting hitting me hard

I can not really speak to anyone in real life
I've try once but my college made fun of my to the point I have to leave my job
my family is laughing at me telling me it is all my foult
they saying it is a punishment
My counsellor who I'd believe would help me just ignored the real issues fobbed me of made fell so much worst because I've dare ask him a proper straight forward question
I'm still waiting for other treatment but loosing my hope anyway

I'm not expecting anything from writing this thread I know that some people would laugh like my college did in past
But it's fine I've got used to humiliation I went trugh
It's just a human nature to laugh from other people tragedy well that's what I've learn for the last year or so

I'm not depressed miraculously I'd avoid that at least

But I'm just starting to believe I was very naive living my life with the hope
that I'll be normal guy again
I'm really thinking that my first consuller knew that my life is finished and never be normal again just never have balls to tell me this in my face
she did so much damage to my psychic again
I don't even know why I'm writhing this
I don't need anyone pity or words like don't worry you going to be fine because I know I'm not going to be fine even again

I'm just very upset about the fact how easily one person can destroy another person life how easily you can lose your life health in one night

I also want to point out something very important
DON'T you ever guys laugh from people illnesses like someone laugh at mine
Its a very shallow thing to do
I know I've just been extremely unlucky because you would think ee things like that don't happen in real life
People are not that cruel Well they are

I apologize for my rant it won't change anything anymore anyway

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 08:55:42

I'm sorry you're so down and that you seem to be surrounded by people who would rather make fun or abandon you than give you love and support. That's very unfair & cruel treatment, you haven't done anything to deserve it and no wonder you're upset.

I won't give you platitudes like 'you'll be fine' but I do think you need help in coming to terms with your illness and 'disability' (if that's the right word) because there will be a way to achieve the normality you so clearly want. You may always have a physical problem but you can't be the only person who has experienced the same sort of things. If others have found a way through, perhaps you can as well. If your counsellor was incompetent, would you consider talking to another counsellor?

Perhaps it would help if you said here what the illness was... I'm assuming some kind of prostate problem? Anyone who laughs at you here will have me to deal with. hmm

Walkacrossthesand Mon 17-Mar-14 08:56:23

So, you were married, you got an illness that affected your potency, you had treatment which didn't go well (you say doctors mistake?) and you're now worried your potency nay be permanently affected, your wife left you, counselling wasn't helpful, and you feel people (family, friends) are laughing at you? It doesn't sound as if your story is over by any means , but that isn't the same as saying 'everything will be fine'.
You say you're not depressed - how do you know? Feeling that there's nothing to look forward to is a sign of depression.
If you really think you've been harmed by a doctors mistake, you should go to the PALS at the hospital concerned and talk to them about it. Talk to your GP too - separate facts from fears and beliefs.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 09:07:30

"my family is laughing at me telling me it is all my foult"

They sound like a particularly nasty bunch. Is there some kind of back-story to this or are you simply unlucky enough to be related to really callous people? Why would an illness be anyone's fault?

eatenbytiger Mon 17-Mar-14 09:30:42

Well my family yes they do
I did wrong I made "crime"
I felt in love with a Scottish women I'm sorry for very strong words but I'm forgain in your country so something like that is not very acceptable
so for them it's all my foult and punishment in their opinion

Well I'm starting to think they are right

Nothing like this would never happen in my country
I'd still be a healthy person today
and even if I'd never felt in love with Scottish women
I'd not be so excluded by my family
I had to face the TRUE

I also dare to think
if my DW was the same nationality like me she would fight for me.

But she wasn't
I'm starting to feel like she'd always hate me so much
she hated me because I was different
she didn't fight for me before she left she damaged me even more in the most cruel way laughing swearing humiliating me more and more
Fact I was not able any longer provide for her as man and husband

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 09:38:33

Regarding your DW, you've only to read a few threads on this board (and I recommend you stick around) to understand that marriages fail for all kinds of reasons. Doesn't matter how good a husband/wife you are, how healthy you are, what nationality you are etc. When someone wants out, they want out. If someone is a cruel person they are a cruel person. It's sad but there's nothing you can do about it.

Your family are very unpleasant and prejudiced to try to make out that you became sick because you chose to marry someone they didn't approve of. Are they very religious that they believe in these mediaeval ideas of fault and punishment? Or just ignorant? Of course it's not TRUE. If you'd stayed in your home country and married a local girl you'd still have got sick.... you see that, don't you?

eatenbytiger Mon 17-Mar-14 09:55:59

I know of course accidents happen illnesses happen but I also KNOW not to this extent

Unfortunately I know that a lot of harm happened to me because my ex DW made so many vicious lies about me I'd realise this to late
I've to admit that maybe if I'd only knew what she really did to me I'd get a proper medical help sooner

the last a few years were like
"the patient is coming to the doctor
And doctor after listening his problem says
Next"

how would you name this cogito

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 10:13:52

I don't quite understand what you're saying, I'm sorry. If you're sick and you go to the doctor and they ignore or misdiagnose your problem that's an incompetent doctor. I'm not sure where your exW comes into it or the significance of vicious lies. Who was she lying to and about what? Was she translating or mediating for you in some way?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 10:16:58

"if I'd only knew what she really did to me I'd get a proper medical help sooner"

Without knowing the exact nature of your illness are you saying that she did something that made it worse? Or was even the cause... like a sexually transmitted disease?

eatenbytiger Mon 17-Mar-14 11:50:05

No I think you misunderstand me

more like victim of genital mutilation of the 21 century this I think better can describe what I'd been put trugh

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 11:55:40

Are you saying your ExW mutilated you?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 11:59:42

""if I'd only knew what she really did to me I'd get a proper medical help sooner""

What did she 'really do to you'? Is that an easier question to answer?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 12:02:18

BTW... I apologise for prying but I am wondering if there is a criminal case to answer here. Abuse, for example

Olddear Mon 17-Mar-14 12:20:58

Was this perhaps testicular cancer? Did you have a testicle removed? Was it misdiagnosed?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 12:58:52

Testicular cancer (or I'm thinking prostate cancer) doesn't explain the remark about knowing what the ExW really did to him... That suggests that she intervened in some malicious way either preventing him getting treatment or actually making the condition worse.

Matildathecat Mon 17-Mar-14 13:09:40

I can relate to the feelings of rage and disbelief that surround medical negligence. It's unbelievably painful. My circumstances are very different but we do have this similarity.

Is it possible that, for example, the counsellor was saying things that might have sounded unkind due to the language differences. Things can be 'lost in translation' very easily.

Only you can decide what happens to the rest of your life. Will you allow this thing to define you or will you find some way of continuing to live a different but also good life? It is possible to do. Hard but possible.

If you are convinced that you have received ill treatment you can talk to a clinical negligence lawyer. But be warned, it's a long and difficult path. The lawyers will only proceed if they believe they will win, so you could end up feeling 'disbelieved' or undermined again.

Please talk to your GP about your feelings of hopelessness. You do sound depressed. Your life can improve and be good again. You can work again if that is what you want.

Keep posting. You will get support.

Best wishes.

ravenmum Mon 17-Mar-14 13:09:59

Do you mean that your wife emotionally abused you, and now you are emotionally and mentally scarred and can no longer function (in bed or in life)?

Olddear Mon 17-Mar-14 13:31:21

Erectile dysfunction? You're wife laughed and humiliated you because of this? Sorry, I really don't know exactly what you mean.....

eatenbytiger Mon 17-Mar-14 15:41:26

When I went for my first treatment to hospital due to pain and bleeding (lost about 2 l of blood) with my DW
I presume I lost conciesnes I wake up approximately five hour later not being able to move my hand

So when I've pressured for all answers my Dw abused me shouting it is all in my head
Hospital was even less helpful with any explanation apart from making lies that I could not speak any English
denying conciesnes loss etc

After month I found out that Im not able to have sex due to extreme pain
That's where the abuse started
My exW doctors

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 15:57:08

Have you sought legal advice and made a complaint against the hospital? If you'd lost so much blood it would be reasonable that you passed out as a result. I'm not sure why they'd want to cover that up unless they'd made a seriously big mistake in your treatment. If you're still in pain today, are you now getting treatment? A solicitor specialising in medical negligence cases would be very interested in your story, I'm certain.

Your exW sounds appalling. Most wives would support a sick husband, not tell them they were going crazy. If she was abusive towards you, did you ever report her to the police?

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