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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I've just had my DH arrest

40 replies

Thebluedog · 16/03/2014 00:50

Just that really

He assaulted me, hand over mouth, pinning me to the floor, pushed and shoved in all directions. I had to bite his hand at one point as he was suffocating.me., I've just had 2 hours of this because he wouldn't let me leave the house. I can honestly say I've never been so terrified in my life!

He was drunk and our relationship has been rocky for a while. He had mh problems and stopped taking his meds and drank.

He's never done anything like this before.. But I was right wasn't I? To phone the police? I felt like someone else having to hide the phone under the pillow as he broke the other 2 in the house to stop me.

I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't managed to so that.

My poor kids, 2 and 6 got woke up with all the noise.

I just need handholding. I feel my life has just stopped. Will he be allowed to come home?

What happens now?

Sorry I'm all over the place

OP posts:

Report

Northernlurker · 16/03/2014 00:52

Are you by yourself? You really need somebody with you, Can you ring a friend or family member?
I'm sure the police won't be letting him home tonight. Not sure about tomorrow but if you ring the police station and speak to the custody sergeant they may be able to give you some idea.

Are the kids back in bed now?

ILoveGlyfada · 16/03/2014 00:53

Jesus how awful for you! What did the police say when they took him away?
How are the kids?

Northernlurker · 16/03/2014 00:53

Oh and of course you were right. He was trying to hurt you and your kids need you all in one piece. His behaviour is not your responsibility to cover up.

Scarletohello · 16/03/2014 00:54

I'm so sorry that you've had such a terrifying experience. You did the right thing by calling the police. Men like that don't respect boundaries and need a wake up call that this sort of behaviour isn't acceptable. He wouldn't do it to a stranger on the street would he ? I hope you and your kids manage to have a peaceful night.

jkklpu · 16/03/2014 00:54

Here's a hand to hold - poor you, OP, and very well done. You have done an incredibly brave thing after a terrible experience. You should never have had to live through that, not under any circumstances. Well done for keeping your kids and yourself safe. Is there someone you can phone to come round to be with you?

ILoveGlyfada · 16/03/2014 00:54

Also meant to say that I am glad you survived it!!

Seabright · 16/03/2014 00:54

You were right and you were very, very brave to do it. I'm really proud that you were able to protect yourself and your children by calling the police.

Make it clear to the police that you do not want him to come home, that it would not be safe for you.

If he is mentally unstable then he needs professional help. But suffering from mental health issues does not mean that what he did was not a crime and does not mean he was not responsible for his actions.

ThePost · 16/03/2014 00:55

Are you hurt? Do you need a doctor? Do you have any friends or family tat could come and stay with you tonight?

Thebluedog · 16/03/2014 00:55

My kids are amazing. Ds1 is in bed watching a DVD as he can't sleep, dd2 right back to sleep.

I can't get old of anyone in rl as my family live goes away.

I'm expecting the police back as they say they'd come back for a chat once he's in the police station

OP posts:

Thebluedog · 16/03/2014 00:56

A few bruises and I'm a bit bashed about but I'm fine.. I just can't believe it's happened. He's normally such a passive person, my life is normally so dull and predictable (just as I like it)

OP posts:

Apatite1 · 16/03/2014 00:56

You did the right thing, big hugs! How very scary.

Northernlurker · 16/03/2014 00:58

I don't know what your situation is with your family but I can tell you Op I would drive all night to be with one of my girls in this situation. Consider calling them anyway. You also could talk to Womens Aid. Did ds see your partner attacking you? He may need some help processing that if that is the case.

Thebluedog · 16/03/2014 01:01

Thank you all for your messages, I just needed to offload...

He didn't see anything but I'm sure as hell he heard it... I'm so very very sorry for them

OP posts:

whattodoforthebest2 · 16/03/2014 01:02

You've been very brave OP, what a terrible thing to have to go through. Look after yourself now, take deep breaths and try and think clearly about what you need to ask the police - re him coming back to the house etc.

Is there anyone you can phone tonight for support?

Northernlurker · 16/03/2014 01:04

They will be fine OP. They will be fine because you've called the police and you are going to make sure, aren't you, that this stops now. Their dad can still be a good dad but not unless what happens tonight never ever happens again. I know this is so scary and bewildering for you but that much is very simple isn't it - that your children must never ever hear dad attacking mum again.

Thebluedog · 16/03/2014 01:06

Yes Northern, without a shadow of a doubt that will never ever happen again...

I keep going over it in my head and when I say it out loud it sound absurd.

OP posts:

Jenda · 16/03/2014 01:08

You absolutely did the right thing, I am sure the police will say the same when they come back. I'm so sorry this has happened to you

Northernlurker · 16/03/2014 01:09

You're doing really well OP. I'm concerned about your bruising though. Is it your mouth and throat that's bruised? If you have any ice cubes you could try using those but I do wonder if it would be a good idea to get a medical opinion?

Thebluedog · 16/03/2014 01:20

I will do thank you for your concern... The police will be back in a minute so I may drop offline

OP posts:

ThatVikRinA22 · 16/03/2014 01:25

police will encourage you to give a statement - give one and follow through.
is this the first time this has happened? if its his first offence he might just get a caution but could be a wake up call.

if its not the first time let the police do their job. help them. dont retract your statement. let your kids see this is not acceptable. let him see that too.

Thebluedog · 16/03/2014 01:33

Yes this is the first time and I do intend to follow through. I've just seen my face and my mouth and cheeks are all bruised.

I'm just shocked.. I'd never in a million years thought this would happen.. How could I get it so wrong.

OP posts:

ThatVikRinA22 · 16/03/2014 01:42

dont blame yourself. This is not your fault. let him feel the shame of what he has done. him. not you.

he will be out of the house for tonight - use that space to call womens aid.
are you intending to have him back?
or is the relationship over?

dont worry about being honest if its not - but the situation will alter the advice a little....

LettertoHermioneGranger · 16/03/2014 02:01

Very well done. You did the right thing, the best thing for you and your children. You were brave to do so.

ravenAK · 16/03/2014 02:09

well done OP. You did absolutely the right thing for yourself & your children.

Hope you get some rl support in the morning? Sorry this has happened.

saffronwblue · 16/03/2014 02:30

Do you need medical care OP? How very brave you are!

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