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Dh just explodes every so often

(51 Posts)
irishchick30 Sat 15-Mar-14 23:03:48

My DH used to be really lovely but in the past few years he's got nastier and nastier towards me at times. He swings from being very loving to suddenly being awful towards me, often with little or no provocation. By little provocation, I mean something such as me objecting to a joke or comment he makes about me, or me being 'awkward' and not doing as he says.

Every so often he will explode at me, make out I'm in the wrong, and then come out with a string of things that I've supposedly done recently that have pissed him off, ie things where I haven't done as he says.

This morning he made a nasty comment about something I was wearing and when I objected to it he then escalated it into an argument, saying I'd started it and that I'm always moaning at him (I'm not at all, in fact if anything I try to make an effort to be upbeat), that he doesn't like me at the moment and that today he didn't want anything to do with me. I got upset and then tried to sort things out before I took the DC out for the afternoon, and he said he wants to still be married to me but it will "depend on my behaviour" towards him.

Honestly though, he gets in such a strop if he thinks I've said things snottily when I haven't, or basically if I do not toe the line and just do as he says.

He then said he is going to start pulling me up on things that I do that annoy him and he started having a go at me because one day this week I left our bedroom curtains closed during the day and didn't make the bed, because I was out all day after dropping the DC at school, and when I got home I didn't go upstairs and forgot about it. I said that there are loads of things that I do do every single day to keep the house running smoothly and he started asking me what they were and I said some of them and he was scoffing and saying things like "that only takes a minute". When he's in moods like this he picks apart everything I do and starts making out that I never do anything in the house.

I do work BTW. Not as many hours as him but I do the bulk of the housework (although it's never good enough), cooking, childcare.

I feel really low.

mathanxiety Mon 17-Mar-14 16:55:24

Your description of how you can't win for losing sounds eerily like my experience with exH. He didn't care how the house looked. I visited his place after we divorced to pick up the DCs one time after visitation and it was not one bit tidy or even clean. The DCs reported he constantly had mice.

He won't change. There is a script in operation here. He would do this to anyone -- there is nothing you personally did to cause this and nothing you can do to control it or make it stop. In many ways he is on autopilot. This is 'relationship with a woman 'mode for him.

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