I cant be happy for my friend and feel such a cow

[swift1]

My two closest friends are pregnant and while they think I am over the moon for them its just a big charade and its killing me.

We have been trying for a baby since Sept, in which time ive had 2 miscarriages, one at 5 weeks , and another one 6 weeks, 6 months apart. Now I feel like I want a baby more than ever.

I aleady have one 2 1/2 yr old , and my best friend Bea has a child the same age , we were pregnant together and it was fab.She is pregnant again after trying once, and has been making comments like 'hurry up I dont want to do this by myself'. This is all lighthearted but....

Since having my child, because its filled me with such happiness i was always saying to my other friend jay, that sjhe should have one. Everytime she had something to tell me I'd always jump in and say 'youre pregnant!!!' and we would laugh and I would be disappointed. Anyway, she has fell pregnant also on the first attempt, and because she knew Id be so pleased she told me at 5 weeks, and because Im one of the few she has told, we have spoken a lot and i have heard lots of things about her pregnancy. And shes always so excited on the phone because she thinks im so excited!!!

I know I should be over the moon for my friends.. i love them both so much and know how much happiness being a mum brings but sometimes I just want to say 'shut up shut up shut up' I wont tell them about my miscarriages, especailly not jay, because she is only 9 weeks and its just not something you want to hear when your pregnant is it?

Sorry to whine on, just I feel that everyone I know is having babies and i have to plaster this smile on when i feel the oppostite. All i want is to be pregnant myself. I am such a bad friend

[GeorginaA]

Tell her, honestly. She sounds like a really close friend, and I'd want to know if a close friend of mine was hurting that much from unintentionally sensitive comments about you "hurrying up", no matter how upsetting it is to hear during pregnancy.

Really.

[SoupDragon]

Tell them.

[gingernut]

I agree. Tell them. That's what friends are for! .

[swift1]

Telling my friend whose pregnant again wouldnt be so nad , but my first pregantn friend ? she willl cry and cry and it will crete an awkward ness im sure.

[Thomcat]

Ahhh babes. Agree, tell her honestly how you are feeling. She'll understand, anyone would. You are happy for her but it's very painful for you, that's natural, totally natural way to be feeling. When my friend was trying for years and years and years and everyone around her fell pregnant all those that knew her knew how hard it must be for her. Just have the chat, get it out there and then you can be there for each other with neither of you having that unlkying feeling of unspoken words that are just lingering there and getting in the way.

You are not a bad friend.

[DumbledoresGirl]

I can understand that you might not want to be completely open about your situation, especially with the first time pregnant friend. But the situation you are in is obviously upsetting you greatly, and your friends surely would not want to put you through this if they knew. Perhaps you could imply that you are trying for a baby and it is not happening as quickly as you would like, just to let them know that some of their comments may not be the most tactful thing to say to you right now. You don't have to mention the miscarriages. But they sound like really good friends and you never know, letting them in on your difficulties might make it esier for you to bear them yourself. You know what they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

[swift1]

yes i know what you all say is correct and wise and Ishould just tell her. But it would break my heart to because it would take aliilte bit of happiness off of her being pregnant, and I wamy her preganancy to be as wonderful as possible, as wonderful as miene was.

I just dont htink i could do it

[titchy]

Couldn't you just say although you're happy for her, you're disappointed for yourself cos you've been tryng and it just hasn;t happened yet? You don't have to tell her about the m/cs

[lilmamma]

I know how you feel,you dont like to take the happiness away from you friends,as titchy said couldnt you just say you are trying.Me and my friend were pregnant together,went for our scans on the same day,only to find her baby had died.I felt awful and used to try and breathe in,silly i know but i felt guilty for having a bump.She got pregnant 2 months later,so we were still pregnant together,which was nice,i had my son,but tragically 1 week before her son was due he died,due to complications with a long cord.she was pregnant 6 months later and had healty twin boys..

[CurrantBun]

God, that's so sad, Lilmamma. Your poor friend must have been devastated.

Swift1, this may be none of our business but why did you never tell your friends about the miscarriages? They would have happened before either of them were pregnant, right? I'm just wondering why, if they're such close friends, you didn't feel able to tell them and ask for their support?

[LoveMyGirls]

what a tragic story at least it had a happy ending.

[girrafey]

hi. i know exactly how you feel as i am feeling the same at the moment. my dd is 15 months and we have a group of friends from the post natal club. they knew that from feb this year we were planning on starting ttc again. all of them wanted a couple of years gap. anyway i fall pg but dont tell anyone. then at 6 weeks start bleeding. go to a and e and told lost 1 but still twins there. we were so excited. then my best friend annonces she is pg. she was on the pill. decided to keep, due 2 weeks after me. then my dp's best friend and his partner tell us due the same week as me with twins!!!! great. plan on going through it togther. then sadly at nearly 14 weeks we lose the twins. ( girls) stay in for a couple of weeks. first trip out with post natal group one of the ladies tells me she is due the same day as i was. she was on the pill aswell. finding it very hard as the group were so great the week or so when it happens but now i feel bad as we meet twice a week or so and they all talk about the bump and how busy xmas will be. when baby due etc and it breaks my heart. i then have the comments of " any news yet?" or worse still " you should be walking like you have lost your horse!" i know they are all pleased for her, but it makes me feel bloody rotten. i have to make an excuse to go get coffees or change dd etc. i know i will fall again etc and im lucky to have my dd and that they are pleased i know that. i just wish inside i was happy for them rather than wanting to scream at them to shut up as my dd's will never be here.

[girrafey]

sorry for long post. very sore subject!