Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Thinking of leaving DH. What would happen re DD?

(53 Posts)
cardamomginger Sat 08-Mar-14 23:45:48

Can't be arsed to namechange.

I am thinking of leaving DH. I don't want to talk about my relationship with him right now, although I think I will be posting about it in the next few months.

Right now, I am trying to get my head round the practical side of what would happen if we did split and then divorce. My main priority is DD. She is 3.5 years old, so let's say she'd be around 4 if/when it happens. She won't yet be in school - she is due to start Reception in 2015. There are no issues wrt to DH's parenting, neither are there any concerns regarding mine. We would live in close proximity to one another. I am a SAHM. What's the 'usual' outcome? Would she spend half her time living with DH and half with me?

Can't believe I am actually posting this....

cardamomginger Sun 09-Mar-14 21:46:49

DH travels quite a bit for work, and I basically live for the times he is away. It is bliss!

I've got the name of a divorce lawyer from a friend, who was extremely happy with the job they did. So that's a good step. If I go down this route, it's going to cost a fucking fortune, isn't it? How the hell does anyone, let alone a SAHP, afford to get divorced!?!?!

FushandChups Sun 09-Mar-14 22:46:10

cardamom - you can find fixed fee solicitors who will do the works for a set fee and i guess provided it is amicable, you can do most of the legwork without the solicitors being involved. Hell, you can always DIY if you're both agreed on the two biggies (money & children) and you just pay to log it with the courts.

Personally, i need that extra layer of someone who knows how the system works but there are ways to do it with little money.

How do you think DH would take it though? Is he as unhappy as you clearly are? Would it be an amicable split? Do you think he would want 50/50 contact or similar? That's really the crux of the matter because if he wanted to, he could make it very costly and hard. On the flip side, he could be miserable too and just waiting for you to make the first move.

Just so you know, me and my H are soooo much better off apart and deep down i knew that but the shock of having my marriage ripped apart with no warning did take a while to make peace with. Its been over a year and were still not divorced but so far, as we're talking (ish) it hasn't cost me very much at all.

cardamomginger Sun 09-Mar-14 23:24:50

Thanks fush. I know he is not happy. I;m finding it harder to contain my anger and bitterness, so that, in itself, is making him unhappy. Other than that, I think he just likes the fact of being married and having a DD. He married late in life and many didn't think he would, including his own family, so he likes the status that he now has. I was saying on another thread in AIBU last week that he is very much a 50s throwback. I think as long as the Little Woman is there doing what needs to be done, all is well as far as he is concerned. He's not that interested in spending time with me or having a conversation, so the presence or absence of that doesn't really enter into it as far as he is concerned. He just likes me HERE.

As to how he would take it. I don't know. It could be very badly indeed. He can be very aggressive, dismissive and cutting and he takes things very personally. He is stubborn, pretty arrogant and doesn't like to be wrong. In DH's world, he CANNOT Be wrong. I've witnessed conflict he has had with other people, and his attitude towards them is not pretty. So it could all get quite nasty.

Additionally, he views money as his money and our house as his house. He doesn't see that I contribute anything. Not great!!

I'm quite pleased about getting the name of the solicitor though - these were recommended by DH to this friend. They proved themselves to be excellent and I know that if it comes to it, he would want to use them. But I will get there first.

Glad that things are turning out better for you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now