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My partner has left me and my 2 boys this morning

(520 Posts)
DickCrack Sat 08-Mar-14 09:58:40

It's been coming a while. 1 shag in 3 years lots if rows. This morning I found loads of dirty texts he sent to another woman. He's gone now. Ds 5 witnessed a lot of my upset this morning. I'm ashamed. What do I do?

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 18:36:23

If you sent that text to his sister, just think of what's bottled up inside you.

We'll all be here if you need to talk but I think you also need to talk to some friends in real life and hear an adult voice in your ear. Have you got the phones on ?

DickCrack Sat 08-Mar-14 19:07:41

No, I've turned the phones off. I spoke to my mum and a friend this morning. I've been texting three friends all day. Lots of people have said they'll come over but I can't face anyone. We didn't even get to the park as ds1 said he didn't want to go. I'll be a long time getting them to sleep tonight.

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 19:21:32

I thought you might have turned them off.

Don't leave it too long to see people. At the moment, you may feel as if you're missing a few layers of skin but if you wait too long, you'll shut yourself off and you need to be together and strong for the boys. (Actually, you need to be strong for yourself as well but you may not be able to do that right at the moment. It will come, though.)

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 19:22:29

PS - have you had anything to eat yet?

DickCrack Sat 08-Mar-14 19:32:56

I've tried to eat, I feel too sick. I'm being pathetic aren't I?

Flopsygrowsup Sat 08-Mar-14 19:35:39

Errr no you're not

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 19:37:56

No you're not being pathetic - you're in shock. Remember, though, that many of us here will likely have been in difficult circumstances so any words we post come mostly from having been there. And if you don't get some calories inside you, you'll be shaky and ill just from that alone when you need to be strong for the boys.

If you can't get food past your lips, can you manage some milk do you think? (I lived for many days one time on milkshakes.)

Hissy Sat 08-Mar-14 19:38:40

Good god love, pathetic? No! This is usual, everyone who has what happened to you happen to them feels like this.

Don't internalise this, you're not pathetic at all, you're hurting.

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 19:40:10

PS - if you do get something down and then bring it up again, so be it. Just move on and have some more. Something will eventually stay down.

LavenderGreen14 Sat 08-Mar-14 19:46:17

You are angry and hurt but you are not pathetic, and please no more self loathing.

Please rely on your friends - if they want to help and support I am sure it will help you enormously. And please do keep posting here. So many of us have been in your situation - and we have come out the other side. Older and wiser but we are ok and happier.

It will be ok - you just need to keep going, please try and eat and keep drinking, even soup, yoghurt, endless cups of tea - they will all help. You must look after yourself and take care - you are worth looking after and you deserve so much more than this.

JollyGolightly Sat 08-Mar-14 20:05:14

It's not.pathetic, but understandable. Have a cup of tea with a couple of sugars, even if you don't normally. And consider allowing someone to come over after the kids are in bed - let someone care for you, they will want to.

DickCrack Sat 08-Mar-14 21:18:42

The kids are still awake and I've been up since 5. I can't take much more.

Logg1e Sat 08-Mar-14 21:25:47

OP is there somebody who can come 'round and help you? One of those people who have been in touch with you all day?

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 21:26:51

I'm not surprised you're weary. Are they in bed even though they're awake?

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 21:28:41

Oh - and when did you find these texts? Was it in the early hours?

DickCrack Sat 08-Mar-14 21:34:48

Yes they are in my bed together, I thought it was better to keep them close. Think they are going to sleep. Yes I found the texts at about 6.30 this morning when ds2 woke early and I took him downstairs.

Queenoftheworld Sat 08-Mar-14 21:38:25

Big Hug

whattoWHO Sat 08-Mar-14 21:41:14

Can you snuggle into bed with the boys and try to sleep?
Then get out of the house for a few hours tomorrow - go to a friend or relative that has a busy home so that the boys can get absorbed into playing or outside or TV. Then you sit in the kitchen with a cuppa and offload/plan.
X

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 21:41:18

So you've been on this one for all of these hours and with a confrontation with your DP in the middle? Your body and mind must be drained - but humming wildly at the same time.

How are you doing?

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 22:01:31

They asleep now?

DickCrack Sat 08-Mar-14 22:18:47

I think so. I'm on the phone to my mum. I want a drink but I'm worried about having one when I'm in sole charge of the kids.

cozietoesie Sat 08-Mar-14 22:34:06

Try not to. It's very easy when you're so upset to make one turn into a half bottle - and you have the kids to look after. Maybe try to have a cup of tea and then a hot bath or shower? They would make you feel much more human.

Has your Mum been good?

DickCrack Sat 08-Mar-14 23:34:22

Mum not been great no. Dad has dementia and I didn't want to tell them anything for fear if making him worse. That's happened and I've been told all about it. She's spent the last hour telling me he's obviously been shagging that cow for at least the last 3 years. Which hasn't made me feel great.
I'm strangely calm, have made cup of tea. Ds has a soft play party tomorrow afternoon. Do you think I should let him take them?

Coconutty Sat 08-Mar-14 23:37:20

Can you take them?

Make some toast too and try and eat it. Sorry this is happening.

DickCrack Sat 08-Mar-14 23:46:08

Yes I could take them but I just wanted a break. Would it be a bad idea to let him do it?

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