Is this bloke a twunt?

[HoursOfFun]

I have developed a sort of 'closeness' with someone at work though nothing has ever happened physically. He has said he would like it to many times. I am not sure though I like him a lot. We've been out as friends for coffees and to the odd film. But there is a strange pattern that is, to be frank, pissing me off even on the basis that we are supposedly 'friends'.

Yesterday was a prime example. We had a works drinks thing in the evening. Earlier in the day he sent an email saying 'such a shame we have to spent time making small talk with others - it'd be nice to sneak off to a film together'. We are actually supposed to be going to a film on Monday so I replied 'yes, Monday though!'

Anyway, come the actual drinks, he more or less blanked me though I was sitting at the same table. Instead he flirted heavily with the pretty young blonde sitting right next to me. At one point when I asked him a question about something he said I'll explain it to X (pretty blonde girl) and started whispering in her ear which made me feel like a total idiot. I wanted to get up and move but I was sat in an awkward position and it would have looked pointed I felt.

Now he's often said that he doesn't want people at work knowing how 'close' (his word) we are and that we should 'give each other space around colleagues'.

FWIW I've agreed because I don't want gossip etc

But surely there's a difference between not being obviously cliquey and being downright rude? And he doesn't seem to have any similar problems about being perceived as 'close' to the woman he was flirting with.

But this is the truly odd bit.. he left the drinks and on his way home texted me asking me to go out to a party with him tonight. I ignored it. He then called me twice today - I ignored and send me an email again about the party to which I answered that I already had plans.

Is it just me, or is this really twuntish behaviour? He is developing real form for basically ignoring me in social situations, then texting, calling, messaging etc quite intensely. But then insisting 'no one must know',
I'm not sure I can be bothered to be his friend. It's exhausting and annoying. What's going on?

[Shakey1500]

Not sure what's going on but I couldn't be arsed with all the games to be honest.

[waltermittymissus]

Sounds like a power/control thing to be.

Disengage and don't waste your time!

[MyPrettyToes]

Yes, he is twunt. It should be fun at this stage but your situation sounds mentally exhausting. The flirty thing with the blonde - well he just sounds like a snake. Don't bother, save your the hassle.

[BitOutOfPractice]

What do you mean by "closeness"? Friendship? Flirtation?

[Jolleigh]

He's lining you up to be his dirty little secret. Steer well clear.

[ScarletStar]

He sounds like he's using you, trying to keep his options open...what a wanker. Pull him up on it then run a mile. A guy who was really into you would respect you and not give a shit about who knew.

[Back2Two]

I read your OP and purposefully didn't read any responses as I wanted to give my gut reaction.

My gut reaction is that he is a twunt....yes. Games and unpredictable behaviour.
Bollocks to that.

[ScarletStar]

Sorry It sounds like he's using you', not he.

[LadyMaryLikesCake]

Jolleigh's right, steer well clear. He sounds like a head fuck and life's too short for one of these.

[Dinnaeknowshitfromclay]

What Toes said, snake definitely. Twunt definitely and a purveyor of the finest red flags! Cool right orf pronto!

[FlatsInDagenham]

He's a game player. Steer clear.

[Wigsy]

Twunty-twunt twunt. I'm glad you told him you had plans.

[NigellasDealer]

yep sounds like a class A twunt - have you cancelled monday yet?

[HoursOfFun]

Thanks all. It's reassuring to have my instincts confirmed.

Irritatingly one of the things he frequently says to me is 'I'm so proud to have you as my friend'. But publicly he shows no pride whatsoever. The opposite I'd say if anything.

From now on I am not going to pander to any of his oddness and will answer messages in a strictly polite way.

Tedious.

[Twinklestein]

I wouldn't bother replying to his messages, he's too much of a tit to have even as a friend.

[IamNotLegend]

Sounds like he likes you stroking his ego. I'd be wondering who else he's playing these silly games with. If not then I still couldn't be arsed. He sounds like hard work.

[HoursOfFun]

Yes I'll have to cancel Monday.

Part of me wants to really give him a bit of a reality check about the crapness of his behaviour because last night I felt quite humiliated and then confused by the intensity of the messaging afterwards. It makes me feel very manipulated and I want to point that out to him.

If we have any real friendship I feel I should be able to point it out. On the other hand if he's just been manipulating me all along, I don't want to give him the ego boost of a reaction. But somehow I feel I need to assert myself as I am quite angry - I've invested quite a lot of time and effort in this 'friendship' or whatever it is.

[ashesgirl]

Is this guy a twunt? Yes.

Next question.

[ScarletStar]

Yes I would say something to him. Take your power back.

[AnyFucker]

Cut him off with no explanation. He doesn't deserve any more of your time.

[K8Middleton]

Yes he's a twunt but you seem to be one too for stringing him along.

He has told you he wants a sexual relationship (physical closeness or whatever twee thing you said) and I think you are being unkind to continue to behave like a couple when you do not feel the same.

You do not have a platonic relationship. If you did then I would have a different opinion.

[saulaboutme]

It sounds like he hasn't got a clue how to "keep it on the down low" without being a twunt.

So he is being a twunt yes.

[saulaboutme]

Hmmm and also sounds like a total waste if your time.

[Shakey1500]

"I'm so proud to have you as my friend"

[HoursOfFun]

I think you may well be right Shakey. It's always felt a bit weird when he's said that.

With my proper friends I don't ever feel the need to make such statements. It smacks of self congratulation or narcissism or something.