I asked for my last thread to be deleted because I'm afraid of my P, but your replies to it gave me the confidence to believe that what I'm experiencing is still abuse, even if it's caused by mh issues and he's hurting even more on the inside.
He's been getting increasingly aggressive towards me over the last few months, but it's always triggered by something I've said or done. (or he thinks I've said or done . . .) The outbursts are sudden & violent and full of hatred (though he hasn't touched me yet) but 5 minutes after they're finished, I'm left upset and scared and he's behaving as if nothing happened. They are frightening, but the times in between are almost worse because I'm anticipating the next one.
The turning point came when he broke a broom handle and threatened me with it. Before that, he'd broken things & shaken me by my collar but mostly just shouted in my face. But it's happening more often, it's more violent each time, and the broom incident was in the morning when he couldn't even blame it on drinking.
So . . . I'm visiting family this week, near where we used to live, and I know that what I have to do is phone him from here & tell him the relationship is over. It feels such a cowardly way to do it but I'm telling myself I need to stay safe for the children's sake. They are grown up, but still need me around.
Today I phoned his old psychiatrist, who was very supportive & validated me in everything I told him, which helped me a lot. I've spoken briefly to a friend (of both of us), who doesn't know yet that I've decided to end it, but did experience one of the outbursts, so does know something of what P is capable of, and I know he will be there if needed.
I'm sorry this is very long winded, but the problem is that the house is mine from a long time ago, so Ican't just stay away. I have to get him to leave before I go back. I'm afraid he'll either come after me here or try to get at me through one of the children. There's also a high risk that he'll suicide and, while I know that that is his decision to make, I will still always feel responsible. But if I don't make a stand now, I know that I am at risk.
Please tell me I have no option but to make this call. And how to make him accept he has no choice. And a stupid detail - how to make him hand over the family dog to this friend without anybody getting hurt.
If you've read all the way to here, thank you for your patience.
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Please help me find the strength to do this
18 replies
dogsnfrogs · 07/03/2014 16:27
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