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I don't think I like my friend any more....

(10 Posts)
flippinada Fri 07-Mar-14 09:46:17

I've posted about this particular friend before. Just mentioning it as some of you may remember and also linking to this thread which gives some of the back story.

Anyway I didn't ask about Bipolar and decided just to not contact her so often and see how that panned out. Our contact was reduced and my stress levels dropped considerably, which I'm sure is not a coincidence.

However, contact has started up again (instigated by her) and lo and behold I feel pissed off and irritable again. I find myself looking back at incidents and feeling that she actually hasn't treated me very well at all. I suppose I would describe it like a relationship where one partner feels taken for granted, dismissed and patronised. I get a token pat on the head for being a good friend but that's about it.

Previously I've felt exasperated, wound up, worried, upset and various other things but never, ever actual dislike. But now I do. But we've been friends for such a long time (25 years plus)...is it worth trying to salvage things? Should I say how I feel? Part of me thinks I owe it to her but another part thinks I can't be bothered with all the drama it will entail.

TIA to anyone offering advice/suggestions.

lizzypuffs Fri 07-Mar-14 09:56:36

Im sure someone will come along with better advice than me but I think that you need to look after yourself and your own mental and physical health and wellbeing.

Just because you have been friends for 25 years doesn't mean that you have to remain friends. It sounds like you have been very supportive but you can't keep giving whilst others take and you suffer for it.

flippinada Fri 07-Mar-14 10:10:00

Thank you.

I think you're right, but I feel terrifically guilty about it all. She has been such a good friend to me in the past, and she has health issues (albeit compounded by lifestyle choices but ). At the moment, I feel like I want to say something to her but am worried about the impact on her health and the fallout for me.

Poppylovescheese Fri 07-Mar-14 11:55:47

To be honest if the friendship makes you so unhappy then it definitely isn't healthy. I understand you a re concerned for your fiend but you need to put yourself first. I am going through similar where I am just unhappy in a friendship and i have decided I have the right to be happy; life's too short to spend it around people who make you miserable.

lizzypuffs Fri 07-Mar-14 13:07:48

You can't feel guilty. Times change, people change and friendships change. I know that its hard to accept and move on (heaven knows I found it very difficult to do) but at the end of the day they are not helping themselves.

take a step back and you can then view it more objectively. What would you advise a friend in a similar situation?

flippinada Fri 07-Mar-14 13:41:50

Honestly? I would be telling them the same things you've told me. My head tells me that's the right thing to do but I do feel sad.

I'd like to have my say (not in a delivering home truths way, more wanting to be heard abs have my feelings acknowledged), but accept that might not be very helpful and best left.

lizzypuffs Fri 07-Mar-14 14:49:14

Yes I understand what you are saying. I tried to make my point very nicely but it ended up with it being twisted and I was made out to be the bad guy. It left me feeling worse than ever and wondering if it was me?

It's a process that is hard to get through especially if you have been close and I felt that loss but also like they didn't care about me at the same time. ..

it is definitely best left and just make yourself unavailable and protect yourself. That's not being 'hard' or selfish just what is needed. 3 years later and im still a bit sad about it all but I feel a lot better and it was all so...draining. I have much more to give to those who matter.

flippinada Fri 07-Mar-14 16:11:51

It sounds like you get exactly where I'm coming from - thank you.

lizzypuffs Fri 07-Mar-14 17:31:49

I just want you not to suffer any longer. It took me a long time to see it all clearly.

Don't worry if you waiver - just remember that you have been a great support but now it's time to focus on you and your family and for them to help themselves. No need to feel guilty.

flippinada Sat 08-Mar-14 09:04:09

lizzy your posts have been so helpful to me. Sorry my replies were a bit on the brief side yesterday, it was a busy day. Just wanted yo let you know much I appreciated your advice.

I'm going to leave things and withdraw quietly without any grand gestures - as you say, life is definitely too short.

Thanks again to everyone who has postedsmile .

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