Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Do you still love your first love?

(92 Posts)
Crawling1 Fri 07-Mar-14 09:19:06

My first love was very abusive but last night I had a dream about sleeping with him it was a pleasant dream. I'm just wondering if others still have feelings for past loves?

sillymillyb Fri 07-Mar-14 11:20:02

Yes and no! He died recently and I was unexpectedly devastated - It really surprised me how much it affected me.

I think it was the lost potential (he was an alcoholic who died at 37) and the fact that when we had been together he was essentially an inherently good person, who made really awful choices.

I loved the person he was inside, rather than what he became.

MadBusLady Fri 07-Mar-14 11:25:03

Sorry to hear that silly milly, that must have been awful. Maybe part of it was the sheer shock of one of your peer group dying too. Someone I was at university with died unexpectedly a few years ago, it knocked me out of all proportion to how well I'd actually known him.

CrazyOldCatLady Fri 07-Mar-14 11:27:34

Yes.

GuineaPigGaiters Fri 07-Mar-14 11:33:31

I think your first love is so intense because you have never experienced feeling like that before that a part of you remains attached always. I do sometimes reflect on how simple and pure and honest that first love was (although of course at the time it was engulfed in teenage angst!) and how no other relationship has had that purity. It does make me nostalgic.

I'm very certain that if we met today I'd still feel a flutter of excitement, and some pangs of longing for the feelings my 17 year old self felt...but as we chatted I'm equally sure I'd realise I ultimately have a better partner now. Love like that just doesn't exist in the real world once responsibilities and drudgery and childcare come into play...that's probably why so many people look back on it so wistfully! smile

onlyjoking Fri 07-Mar-14 11:33:37

I will always love my DH father to my teenagers, he died almost six years ago, and he is still very much in our hearts and minds.
I now have a fiancé I love him just as much.

rosiesarered Fri 07-Mar-14 11:38:49

Yes i still love my first love i think i always will. I think the feeling is mutual but he's far away and we're friends now, i don't think i could risk that for a chance it would work between us, the thought of not having him in my life at all breaks my heart

rosiesarered Fri 07-Mar-14 11:40:54

I dream about him about once a week, sometimes more

pinkbear82 Fri 07-Mar-14 11:46:37

I don't know it I'd say it's still love, but I am glad he is happy. I like to think back sometimes and remember things we did, 10 years is a long time with someone, and a lot of my firsts were with him, house etc. he was my best friend, and sometimes, like recently when my gran died, I missed not being able to share things with him. Which is probably silly.

However, my now DP makes me happy and we have a beautiful dd who I adore. And things have changed a lot for me.

I'd be sad if I couldn't look back on things fondly even the breakup. Hated it at the time, but for both of us it was the right thing.

Cantironwontiron Fri 07-Mar-14 12:24:41

Yes he's 'the one that got away'.

bragmatic Fri 07-Mar-14 12:36:24

I think people can be in love with the idea of their first love.

smoothieooo Fri 07-Mar-14 12:39:04

No. In fact I had coffee with my first love last year and he wanted to try again (after almost 30 years apart). Absolutely lovely bloke but ... just no. Shallow it almost certainly is but time has not been kind wink

flipchart Fri 07-Mar-14 12:39:11

No. Mine was a first love where I moved to a different county to bewith him. We set up home ( I was 18). He started seeing someone else. It was a messy split. I missed him ever day for a couple of years and my friends were concerned about me. This is 25 years ago.

Before Christmas I saw him. ( he didn't see me) he is playing in a band and they were in the town next to my town. He is still with the woman he had the affair with and now married with grown up kids.

I didn't feel a thing when I saw him except a fleeting moment of curiosity on had we had all aged.

maras2 Fri 07-Mar-14 12:42:19

Yes . Very much . We've been together for 45 years and I still adore him . He's 64 today and we're spending it looking after 2 of our DGC's ; 1 pre schooler and the other 4 year old who's school has a teacher training day today .

mateysmum Fri 07-Mar-14 12:50:30

Still love him even though we were never lovers. I see him at reunions about once every 10years with his wife of 25 years who I know and like, but he always hugs me and I know that we still share a bond of shared experience and affection. Nobody else will ever have quite that place in my life.

Kaluki Fri 07-Mar-14 12:58:54

No. I don't love him anymore. I'm a bit curious about what has happened to him but I don't really want to find out as I doubt he had a happy ending sad
My dc's father is my second love and I feel more sisterly towards him now.
There is only one ex I still have feelings for and probably always will. He has emigrated now and is married with kids but he told a mutual friend that I was 'The One' and he will always love me sad

I8toys Fri 07-Mar-14 13:10:50

God no we were both kids really and he was a bit of a dick. I class DH as my one true soul mate.

LindaMcCartneySausage Fri 07-Mar-14 13:48:42

Sort of, yes. We didn't fall out of love - he moved overseas, I couldn't/didn't follow (right decision, but it was a sad rather than a hurtful break up). together 5 years and he was lovely to me.

Funnily enough, I dream of him quite often. Sometimes the sort of dreams to make you blush. I haven't seen him in 10 years though. He's still overseas and (apparently) v successful, happily married with kids and he stays in very occasional email Facebook contact. He still looks pretty good wink

His DM died recently (he is close to his family) and I was very surprised that he emailed me the next day to tell me she had passed away. A long personal email - not a round robin. I wouldn't have thought I ever crossed his mind especially at a very difficult time, but maybe I do.

jayho Fri 07-Mar-14 18:21:09

Yes, but probably because he died in an accident when we were 17.

tilliebob Fri 07-Mar-14 18:28:19

I'm married to mine too.

YouAreTalkingRubbish Fri 07-Mar-14 18:33:56

No, but I have very fond memories of our time together. We went out as teens for three years. I ended it when I went to Uni and met my DH. My relationship with my 'first love' made my teen years really happy and fun.
I've been with DH for 32 years and have never looked back.

ViviDeBeauvoir Fri 07-Mar-14 18:46:49

No!

He is not my cup of tea now at all. He's very happy with his partner who seems a great match for him.

On the other hand I do have a 'one who got away' and feel quite sad about that but not regretful.

teaandthorazine Fri 07-Mar-14 18:58:14

No. It took me a long time to get over him, and the relationship had a lasting effect on me (mostly in a good way), but still love him? Nope, water under the bridge now. I regretted leaving him at the time, but now I know we wouldn't have lasted anyway. I've not seen him for the greater part of ten years, and I think of him fondly, rather than wistfully.

I thought for a long time that he was the 'one that got away', but then I met dp and I realised what love really feels like. This one is for keeps.

Diagonally Fri 07-Mar-14 19:35:07

No!

Nor my second, third, fourth or fifth.

Still miss number 6 very occasionally.

Ready for number seven now smile

AuntieBrenda Fri 07-Mar-14 19:55:59

Not my first, it was a horrible and sbusive relationship. Second, yes. I think of him as the one who got away. I haven't seen him for a couple of years now although we do keep in touch on Facebook. If I met up with him, I don't know if I'd trust myself. I
Married now and my DH is a much better partner.

BuggersMuddle Fri 07-Mar-14 20:02:14

Yes but differently. DP and I are good friends with both him and his wife. He is and was a lovely person, but we were young and probably not perfectly suited in retrospect although we appeared to be at the time.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now