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I know it is none of my business and I would never say it, but its upsetting me.

(51 Posts)
iknowishouldbuttoutbut Thu 06-Mar-14 16:31:09

I am fully aware that this is none of my business and so obviously I would never dream of saying this to anyone, so I have just come here to vent.

My brother and his wife separated in December (she found he had been facebook messaging some random woman, he has said that nothing ever physically happened and she has accepted that.

Initially she threw him out, but then had him back two weeks later.

Since this whole thing happened she has been referring to herself by her maiden name. He has also bought new furniture for the house, replaced pretty much everything (complete with her photographing all the new stuff and putting it on facebook with "look at all my new furniture, cant believe I have just spent almost 10k.......", they have been on two five star luxury weekends away, and he has also bought numerous other 'gifts'.

She is very immature and lives her life through Facebook, seriously. She believes she is 'making a point' by excluding him from every activity she posts about that they have been on and missing him from photographs etc etc.

Now, I get that he fucked up, he fucked up royally and so part of me thinks yes he deserves to be punished (or whatever the word is), but FFS I just want to scream at him to STOP THROWING MONEY AT THE PROBLEM, surely, by now, you need to decide if you are going to make it work (in which case you need to draw a line under it and the pettiness needs to stop), or you need to just draw a line under the whole thing and separate and try and move on with your life, but this atmosphere of prolonged childishness is not good for you or your 3 year old son, and to be perfectly honest I think all the spending is massively taking the piss.

Right, am ready to be told I am a cow now.

dollius Thu 06-Mar-14 16:32:55

Oh just stay out of it. It's none of your business.

iknowishouldbuttoutbut Thu 06-Mar-14 16:35:19

I also just realised maybe I should explain why its upsetting me, but he is my brother, he has become very successful in his field, which is good, but a downside to this is, aside from his family, just about everyone in his life has just always 'wanted something' from him, be that somewhere to live, a job, money, there has always been something.
He seems to think the only thing he has to offer anyone is money/things and so I believe some people massively take the piss. I want him to see that even though he did a scummy thing, he is still a person who has a lot more than money to offer people and he deserves to be happy too.

iknowishouldbuttoutbut Thu 06-Mar-14 16:36:06

I am staying out dollius I have just come here to get it off my chest because I know it is not my place to actually get involved.

MrsBennetsEldest Thu 06-Mar-14 16:36:34

Why don't you just say you don't like your SIL?
I'm pretty sure your DB can look after himself. I thought it was just the cheaters who minimised not their sisters too.

Fairylea Thu 06-Mar-14 16:38:17

Maybe she's not forgiven him at all and is just dragging it out to get everything she can from him before she chucks him out?

If she was your sister you'd be singing from a different hymn sheet.

Stop thinking about it because it's nothing at all to do with you.

He has more to offer than money? What, like treating his wife with so little respect that he's messaging random women behind her back?

Yeah, sounds like he has loads to offer. What a catch!

Was he worrying about his own ds while he was doing it? I doubt it.

Let her say whatever the fuck she wants on fb! Personally I'd be advising her to kick the cheating bastard out!

iknowishouldbuttoutbut Thu 06-Mar-14 16:40:30

I do like my SIL and I am trying not to minimalise what he did I am just really not very good at explaining myself and I cant give too much away without outing myself. Maybe using MN to get it off my chest was a bad idea.

MyGastIsFlabbered Thu 06-Mar-14 16:41:08

But MrsBennet, the wife has taken him back, if she can't forgive him then they need to separate and get on with things, not do all this passive aggressive FB shit.

Disclaimer: my DH has never shown any signs of cheating so I can't honestly say how I would react in the SILs position.

Pagwatch Thu 06-Mar-14 16:41:18

Stop minimising what he did. 'yes, he was dishonest and screwed around but...'
He was a selfish dick. She is doing whatever gets her through the day.

Perhaps he should concentrate on making two things that people want from him - money and the capacity to keep his penis where it ought to be.

iknowishouldbuttoutbut Thu 06-Mar-14 16:42:06

When he told me that they separated and why I told him he was a selfish fuckwit and if my DH had done that he would never cross my door again walter

DrankSangriaInThePark Thu 06-Mar-14 16:43:13

I just bet nothing ever happened.

In his nice little parallel universe.

You should be feeling sorry for her, being married to such a shit. Not defending him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 06-Mar-14 16:43:27

Have you ever been cheated on and got back together with someone knowing they cheated? IME Rationality goes totally out of the window, emotions are all over the place and people swing between wanting to kill the cheat and keep them close. Some people hit the bottle, others head for the anti-depressants, your SIL appears to be keeping the furniture industry buoyant.

Whatever's going on it's their mess to clean up

But you'll still minimise it.

"It was terrible but..." is a god awful attitude to have.

He took his wife's trust and love and shat all over it, not to mention the potential uprooting of his young child's life. All so he could get his rocks off sending messages to random women?

He's a prick. No matter how much money he has.

iknowishouldbuttoutbut Thu 06-Mar-14 16:44:42

mygast that is the point I am trying to make, if she has agreed to take him back then surely all this PA point scoring is not a healthy environment for their DS.

NoelOfLorst Thu 06-Mar-14 16:44:44

Well you're right, it is none of your business and tbh you probably know only a fraction of it anyway.

If it's really upsetting you, block them both on Facebook and step away for a while. I mean that nicely, not snarkily te

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 06-Mar-14 16:45:37

Haha Flabbered I love the disclaimer grin

She's being a bit OTT on Facebook after he was very childish and inappropriate on Facebook.

You sound a bit jealous of the presents tbh... I know I am! Not sure it's worth sleazy messages to 'random women' though.

Leave them to it and if SIL is annoying you on FB so much just click 'unfollow'. You won't see her feed without clicking on her name and you'll still be friends.

Easy smile

NoelOfLorst Thu 06-Mar-14 16:45:58

Ah come on now, how much was he thinking about their DS when he was cheating do you think?

all this PA point scoring is not a healthy environment for their DS.

Whereas daddy always had his son's best interests at heart...

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 06-Mar-14 16:47:21

And he's 3... I think he just thinks 'eh up, we've got a new sofa'.
He isn't exactly ringing Jeremy Kyle for an intervention!

Pagwatch Thu 06-Mar-14 16:47:47

Goodness. Is she not thinking of their child? Because that was really to the fore in his mind wasn't it?

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 06-Mar-14 16:49:03

he has become very successful in his field

What's that got to do with anything! He sounds slimy as...

Trevor, because people only want him for his money the poor lamb.

And there's him with so much to offer a woman...

iknowishouldbuttoutbut Thu 06-Mar-14 16:50:25

The Facebook thing doesn't bother me, I rarely read it/use it - I mainly use it to keep in touch with family overseas.
I think my original point was lost somewhere, my point with him is he needs to stop throwing money at problems, somehere in his life he has come to think that is all he has to offer to make people happy.
What he really needs to do is look at what actually makes people happy, like, not cheating on them and work on that that is the root of all of this and no amount of money is going to make that better.
Does that make more sense?

iknowishouldbuttoutbut Thu 06-Mar-14 16:51:40

Again, sorry I lost my point I am sleep deprived/exhausted/ranty.

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