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What do you think of these messages on DH email?

(223 Posts)
nigella123 Thu 06-Mar-14 04:07:53

I don't know what to think but my stomach is in knots.
He has sent a long email giving a lot of business advise to a woman I also know at the end he has signed it " You are amazing and I am your No 1 fan and chairman of your fan club."
Her reply is "thanks so much for all your advise and help. There is so much I would like to talk to you about - do you think that?"
He replied "We are definitely connected with the same passion, drive, and motivation for life and living"
This was a few days ago - no response from her?
I have not spoken to him about it just trying to process it.
What would you make of these emails?

nigella123 Thu 06-Mar-14 13:06:47

yes that is probably my bad spelling.

I just don't believe DH would do this he is very very straight and not the type. Really.

nigella123 Thu 06-Mar-14 13:07:36

I think will try to get into his emails again and go back see if there are any more?

What else I just cannot think.

JohnFarleysRuskin Thu 06-Mar-14 13:11:27

If they are saying they miss each other and this has been going on dice before? January then yes, it looks like an affair.

Sorry op. I wouldn't say anything yet. I'd prepare and watch for a day or two.

MyPreciousRing Thu 06-Mar-14 13:12:04

I'm sorry OP, you don't need anymore.
You have enough.
Confront and don't let him blag you.

MegaClutterSlut Thu 06-Mar-14 13:26:10

I think most wives/husbands think there spouses are 'not the type' to cheat. I'm sorry op but it sounds very suspicious to me.... I really hope I'm wrong

Confront him.

My ex husband was absolutely not the type either and I had no suspicion of a affair till he told me about it himself. It was the absolute last thing I would have expected from him. And yet it had been going on more than a year by then.

Lots of sympathy for you OP. Bide your time and gather some evidence before you confront him.

knickernicker Thu 06-Mar-14 15:28:16

Go away for the weekend with friends. If its an affair, he'll use the time to meet with her if there's anything going on. Usr your time while he doesn't know you know to get used to the betrayal,and bound your strength to move on.

knickernicker Thu 06-Mar-14 15:28:49

Not bound, build

russianfudge Thu 06-Mar-14 15:30:18

This has made my stomach churn on your behalf op. I am so sorry.

Nothing compares to the feeling you have right now.

Is what you have discovered enough that he won't be able to blag you? Unless you are 100% convinced then you need to be strong and do some more snooping. Do you have someone in RL to hold your hand/ take the kids for a bit. When I discovered the "evidence" I fell to the floor and was stuck there for a good two hours sad

At the moment you have the evidence of an emotional affair. What does that mean for your marriage? Ie. where do you draw your line?

russianfudge Thu 06-Mar-14 15:33:00

If he's been so careless as to leave the messages on his phone all that time, he will have been careless elsewhere.

struggling100 Thu 06-Mar-14 15:42:48

Ouch, ouch, ouch. That new year's thing clinches it for me that this is beyond just a bit inappropriate. You don't text a business associate at midnight to tell then you are thinking of them. Sorry, OP. I can imagine how much you are hurting right now.

I think if I could hold it together, I would remain tight-lipped about this, and look for absolutely decisive proof. Take copies of everything in case he gets wind that you're looking and starts to delete things - take pictures of the texts if need be. (You will also need to keep going back to them to stay strong as you make decision).

russianfudge Thu 06-Mar-14 15:45:18

Yes and sit down with your family calendar and his emails and the dates of the texts so you can piece together the story. Does she have an open Facebook page? It sounds mad but it may give away any trips they took at the same time hmm

Is he away at the moment so you have space and time?

nigella123 Thu 06-Mar-14 17:04:20

Ok this is just getting worse and worse. I have got into his email and found the most horrendous email from over 2 years ago.

Basically it says how stunning he finds her. He says he has thought of her every day since he saw her which was 3 years prior to that. We lived abroad for 2 years of that and it does appear they had no contact then although I cannot know that right now. He says she is in his head and he knows it is always going to be like that.

He says he has never felt a connection like he has with her and whenever he see's her her around it is torture as he is desperate to touch her.

He said he is thinking of moving into a flat and is there any possibility that she would like to see him if he was single.

At that time we were thinking of separating after a few hard years and we have spent a lot of years in a way living like flat mates and sometimes not even friends if I am honest.

She had replied that she felt the same.

Then he has sent her another email a week later saying "I can;t do this my children and family mean everything to me."

This looks like it could have been going on for years.

I am devastated and feel completely numb and absolutely devastated. I knew we weren't madly in love but was not expecting this.

Thank you all for your advise it means everything to me.

Goodadvice1980 Thu 06-Mar-14 17:07:18

OP, if he wants a bachelor pad to indulge his crush/fantasy with her send him on his way!

You deserve better than this.

worriedsister30 Thu 06-Mar-14 17:12:53

What a weak willed, foolish man. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

worriedsister30 Thu 06-Mar-14 17:14:54

Are you printing/ saving the messages? make sure you do, and password protect the file or email them to yourself.

Over the next few days your mind won't be your own so you will need to refer back to them.

memyselfandl Thu 06-Mar-14 17:15:29

Print the emails out and hand them to him when he comes in the door. Say nothing let him do the talking.
He has dug himself into a huge hole that l can't see him crawling out of. He is not a good dad and husband if he is spending time thinking and wanting this woman.
Take control and give him the bachelor life he wants--even if it is just for you to get some breathing space

JohnFarleysRuskin Thu 06-Mar-14 17:18:17

Oh I'm sorry to hear this.

But well done for digging further. Now you know.

What an awful shock. what a duplicitous bastard.

Xoticdreamz Thu 06-Mar-14 17:24:14

Really sorry OP. You don't deserve this .

Logg1e Thu 06-Mar-14 17:34:01

I agree he's going to deny and minimise (who wouldn't if caught out like this?) so it's very important that you have clear in your mind what is the truth and what you want to happen next. I'd present it to him as a fait accompli, e.g. I know you've pursued another woman, I have email and phone evidence. What's going to happen next is that you take your bags (which are packed behind the door) and leave. Please text me the address of where you're staying so that my lawyer can be in touch.

BetterThanASlaterUpYourNose Thu 06-Mar-14 17:54:08

You deserve so much better than this cheating fool.

Wishing you lots of strength Nigella123 flowers

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 06-Mar-14 17:57:36

I am sorry OP. Logg1e is right, it is unthinkable he can swan in and act like Mr Good Family Guy while you go through the motions. This stops now, if the DCs are out of earshot or round a friend's so much the better.

WhateverTrevor83 Thu 06-Mar-14 17:57:36

Oh god... it just get worse...

Well, at least now you know about the feelings he has/has had for her. Even if you're yet to find out if anything physical has happened.

I think giving him the emails calmly and then waiting to hear what he has to say is a good idea.

It'll be tough though of course. Sorry op x

whattoWHO Thu 06-Mar-14 18:06:11

Any chance you could go out this evening to get your thoughts straight before confronting him with your printed evidence?

Not to dodge the issue, just to start getting your head about what questions you want to ask, what level of their relationship is a deal breaker, whether you want him to look leave the house etc.

But this is just my suggestion, not necessarily a good idea - we all handle things differently.

Good luck x

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