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Saved porn pictures?

(58 Posts)
Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 07:48:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Mar-14 08:04:10

Of course it means he was looking. My laptop doesn't randomly select porn photos to print... hmm You can usually see internet history as well unless it's set to 'delete pages on exit'. What's important is not specifically that he looks at porn but that it is part and parcel of a deterioration in physical affection between you that's gone on - if I read it right - for eight out of the ten years you've been married. I think you need to have a conversation as I always say 'more in sorrow than in anger'. Not pressure to perform, but it's important to communicate that the distance between you is getting so big there may be no way back.

It may be that this is the last nail in the coffin or it may be the spur to work on getting closer to each other. Good luck

struggling100 Wed 05-Mar-14 09:22:53

First of all, I think that this is a big shock for you, and I wanted to send you hugs. I'm afraid that, like Cog, I can see no explanation for this other than your DH looking at porn.

HOWEVER, I don't think that this means that things are necessarily 'broken' between you. Yes, there clearly is a problem. Yes, your DH is interested in self-pleasure, but not in sex together. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you or find you attractive. There are lots of alternative explanations: for example, that he is insecure and finds sex with other people nerve-wracking and difficult to the point that he has significant performance anxiety, but is fine masturbating by himself (is it me reading too much in, but are there hints of this in your post?).

Whatever, there is clearly a mismatch between your sex drives. If performance anxiety is the issue, it's eminently fixable, PROVIDED that he is willing to confront it and go through a process of sexual healing with you. I would suggest a very gentle, understanding conversation with him: if he's receptive, you could moot the idea of trip to the GP, and perhaps viagra.

Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 11:03:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 11:16:49

hmm He held you, told you it was a virus (while looking in to your eyes) and then installed new software?

I'm glad it's made you have a talk about your sex life / spending more time together. But he was looking at porn... I think you know that... a lot of people don't mind/can tolerate/join in with their partner's watching porn (however often that might be) - and if you can do any of those things, then that's good for you and him. Because he was looking at porn.

It may be that there is a virus on the computer... (not all but) a lot of viruses are caught on computers from looking at porn and clicking on porn links. Porn causes viruses... viruses don't cause porn. Trust me, know quite a bit about this - so please don't shoot the messenger.

Glad you're talking and are moving forward - but don't let him fib about this. Because he is. Him lying about the porn is a bigger deal (imo/ime) than the porn itself.

Good luck - get him to tell the truth please. It'll help (properly) rather than just smoothing it over.

coppertop Wed 05-Mar-14 11:24:44

Does the laptop usually come up with the 'restore previous page' message when you switch it on?

Mine only does that when it hasn't been shut down properly - either because the battery died or someone has switched it off in a hurry. It sounds far more plausible that your dh thought he would be caught and just switched it off.

I don't think I've ever heard of a virus that downloads lots of porn pictures on to a computer. I think he has lied to you and then fobbed you off with his woolly promise to 'try to make an effort'.

Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 11:26:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Mar-14 11:33:33

I'm with coppertop. The 'Internet Explorer did not shut down properly last time, do you want to restore the page?' message - assuming that's what it was - means the connection was dropped or the computer was switched off mid process.

Do you know how to look at the browsing history?

LBZT Wed 05-Mar-14 11:36:44

You can google the virus name and you should get more information on it.
Generally a Trojan virus is put on your computer to retrieve data (think e-mails or banking details)
I'm no expert but I have picked this virus up a few times from a forum I used to use. Porn what never involved or seen on my computer. My DH removed them for me, needless to say I got fed up and stopped using that site.

Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 11:39:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainHindsight Wed 05-Mar-14 11:39:45

According to my IT expert friend there is malware that does just this and a Trojan virus can be designed to place malicious/annoying images onto the PC/piss about with your desktop.

You will probably need to re install windows.

The restore last browser session is the issue here IMO. I think it is more likely the virus came from the images rather than the other way round I'm afraid.

Sorry OP.

Oldraver Wed 05-Mar-14 11:40:18

So did he tell you there was this mythical virus ? Bet he was busy wiping the history. Go and have a look if there is nothing there at all I would say he got rid of the evidence..

BTW..I wipe the history and I know many others do as a matter of course...but if it has been done this morning he is hiding soemthing

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 11:44:25

Viruses can cause porn but 90+% of the time it's the other way round.

The worst case scenario here is that he's been looking at porn and has fibbed about it. It could be a lot worse! But you do deserve to know the truth. Giving you a cuddle and saying it's a virus sounds a bit odd to me.

LBZT Wed 05-Mar-14 11:47:31

If you want to know google retrieving deleted history and you should get step by step instructions

DangerMoose Wed 05-Mar-14 11:59:19

Or look at the cookies, which I think remain even if history is deleted.

Jan45 Wed 05-Mar-14 12:19:09

Yes it's usually the porn sites that cause the virus!

Sorry but if he fancies and desire and loves you then I don't understand why you don't have a sexual relationship, we all have family and work stresses, sex is in fact good for the health so what are yous waiting for?

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 12:22:00

How upset would you be if he was using porn?

If you would't mind... then... what's the problem?

I'm guessing you'd be mortified... hence why he is lying. He is lying! (Sorry I'll keep saying that until you believe me...) brew

Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 13:05:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:09:59

... he's been using porn OP.

Decide:

- If you think he's been lying about
- If you mind he uses porn

Then you can look to rebuild the marriage. This doesn't have to be a big deal. Like a lot of things in life, it's not the act but the repurcussions/lying afterwards that make things worse.

x

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:10:23

he's been lying about* it (I think he has)

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 05-Mar-14 13:14:41

The win32 trojan is REALLY common. It does not cause download porn images. There might be some trojans that do, but that one 100% does not.

I'm sorry, OP.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:16:05

Sounds like he's assuming you know nothing about computers... some of us do. And he's a fibber.

Tell him that (what Caja just said, word for word) and see what he says.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:18:18

If there's a 'lack of sex' then that must be unsatisfying for both of you (not just him) and you both need to address it.

If he's watching porn (maybe just occasionally) and masturbating it's not the worst thing he could do. But lying about it is.

Kewcumber Wed 05-Mar-14 13:18:49

win32 virus does http://www.ehow.com/about_5043270_win-virus.html

and it certainly doesn't download porn

Kewcumber Wed 05-Mar-14 13:19:21

www.ehow.com/about_5043270_win-virus.html

sorry!

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