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Saved porn pictures?

(58 Posts)
Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 07:48:40

When I went to print a picture of my ds I used the laptop in the office. The first thing that happened is it asked if I want to restore the previous page that had shut down and when I said yes, it brought up a porn site. I was suspicious but thought it could have been opened in mistake and then shut down but then when I used the printer wizard to print the photo it came up with lots of porn photos to select to print.
I have never come across this I just wondered if this means that these photos were saved and printed before? It was only when I used the 'save and download' option for the photo that these came up. When I printed an already saved photo the porn photos didn't come up.
But I guess I have to face the fact that my dh has been looking at porn?
It made me sick to see the photos. My dh and ds were here but not in the room and then he took ds to pre-school so he doesn't know I have seen them.
We don't have a good sex life. We have been married for 10 years and it started off very active but has never been right since we struggled with infertility. My dh totally went off sex during the trying and ivf stages - about 2 years into the marriage and it lasted for 4 years. I got very frustrated with the whole situation. Then after my ds was born we still didn't get back on track. My dh is very conservative and I think he saw me as too much the mother and less the wife if you know what I mean.
I have spoken to him many many times & told him I was unhappy with our sex life - at this stage we have sex a few times a year. I bought myself a vibrator a few years ago which he knows I use. I have suggested counseling, date nights etc but he always refuses - says the more I talk about it and put pressure on the less he will be able to perform.
So I had come to the conclusion that he just isn't very sexual and accepted that we don't and won't have an intimate relationship, we are just raising our son together as companions.
So now this seems to be wrong. He must be interested in sex and looking at pictures, just not interested with me. So what do I do? He may try and lie so I need to be sure that this evidence means he was looking.
We live overseas and the nearest counsellor is about 2 hour drive and there is no free counseling. But at this stage if I thought it was the only thing that would help I would insist on it regardless of 4 hour round trip and the cost because I just don't know if it's too far gone at this stage.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Mar-14 08:04:10

Of course it means he was looking. My laptop doesn't randomly select porn photos to print... hmm You can usually see internet history as well unless it's set to 'delete pages on exit'. What's important is not specifically that he looks at porn but that it is part and parcel of a deterioration in physical affection between you that's gone on - if I read it right - for eight out of the ten years you've been married. I think you need to have a conversation as I always say 'more in sorrow than in anger'. Not pressure to perform, but it's important to communicate that the distance between you is getting so big there may be no way back.

It may be that this is the last nail in the coffin or it may be the spur to work on getting closer to each other. Good luck

struggling100 Wed 05-Mar-14 09:22:53

First of all, I think that this is a big shock for you, and I wanted to send you hugs. I'm afraid that, like Cog, I can see no explanation for this other than your DH looking at porn.

HOWEVER, I don't think that this means that things are necessarily 'broken' between you. Yes, there clearly is a problem. Yes, your DH is interested in self-pleasure, but not in sex together. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you or find you attractive. There are lots of alternative explanations: for example, that he is insecure and finds sex with other people nerve-wracking and difficult to the point that he has significant performance anxiety, but is fine masturbating by himself (is it me reading too much in, but are there hints of this in your post?).

Whatever, there is clearly a mismatch between your sex drives. If performance anxiety is the issue, it's eminently fixable, PROVIDED that he is willing to confront it and go through a process of sexual healing with you. I would suggest a very gentle, understanding conversation with him: if he's receptive, you could moot the idea of trip to the GP, and perhaps viagra.

Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 11:03:31

Thanks so much for your replies. So I asked him to come home while we were alone in the house and he is very convincingly denying anything to do with the pictures. He held me close, looked in my eyes and said it was definitely nothing to do with him. He's very convinced it is a virus. There was no virus software on that PC as we very rarely use it. So I watched as he installed new software and it is currently scanning for a virus. It will take a few hours.
But it was a good opportunity to talk about our sex life and he reassured me he definitely fancies & loves me, I'm the only one he's interested in & if he wanted to look @ porn he would talk to me first. He says it's stress & general family life are the only reasons he thinks stopping us but he will make an effort to try and make time for this.
So I'm just hoping that it comes up with a virus and hoping that our frank talk will be the start of us talking about this and doing something about it too!

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 11:16:49

hmm He held you, told you it was a virus (while looking in to your eyes) and then installed new software?

I'm glad it's made you have a talk about your sex life / spending more time together. But he was looking at porn... I think you know that... a lot of people don't mind/can tolerate/join in with their partner's watching porn (however often that might be) - and if you can do any of those things, then that's good for you and him. Because he was looking at porn.

It may be that there is a virus on the computer... (not all but) a lot of viruses are caught on computers from looking at porn and clicking on porn links. Porn causes viruses... viruses don't cause porn. Trust me, know quite a bit about this - so please don't shoot the messenger.

Glad you're talking and are moving forward - but don't let him fib about this. Because he is. Him lying about the porn is a bigger deal (imo/ime) than the porn itself.

Good luck - get him to tell the truth please. It'll help (properly) rather than just smoothing it over.

coppertop Wed 05-Mar-14 11:24:44

Does the laptop usually come up with the 'restore previous page' message when you switch it on?

Mine only does that when it hasn't been shut down properly - either because the battery died or someone has switched it off in a hurry. It sounds far more plausible that your dh thought he would be caught and just switched it off.

I don't think I've ever heard of a virus that downloads lots of porn pictures on to a computer. I think he has lied to you and then fobbed you off with his woolly promise to 'try to make an effort'.

Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 11:26:03

Ok there was a virus - a Trojan something 32. So really viruses don't cause porn? I'm back to square one then, I was so convinced he wasn't lying, really changes things now.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Mar-14 11:33:33

I'm with coppertop. The 'Internet Explorer did not shut down properly last time, do you want to restore the page?' message - assuming that's what it was - means the connection was dropped or the computer was switched off mid process.

Do you know how to look at the browsing history?

LBZT Wed 05-Mar-14 11:36:44

You can google the virus name and you should get more information on it.
Generally a Trojan virus is put on your computer to retrieve data (think e-mails or banking details)
I'm no expert but I have picked this virus up a few times from a forum I used to use. Porn what never involved or seen on my computer. My DH removed them for me, needless to say I got fed up and stopped using that site.

Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 11:39:21

It was when I opened Internet that it came up with the previous page message, it happens from time to time..
Cogito - it is set up not to save any history at all. I asked him about that ages ago & he said it's to do with his banking apps, if the history saves it causes problems. Was I being fooled there too?
Is there any other way to check?

CaptainHindsight Wed 05-Mar-14 11:39:45

According to my IT expert friend there is malware that does just this and a Trojan virus can be designed to place malicious/annoying images onto the PC/piss about with your desktop.

You will probably need to re install windows.

The restore last browser session is the issue here IMO. I think it is more likely the virus came from the images rather than the other way round I'm afraid.

Sorry OP.

Oldraver Wed 05-Mar-14 11:40:18

So did he tell you there was this mythical virus ? Bet he was busy wiping the history. Go and have a look if there is nothing there at all I would say he got rid of the evidence..

BTW..I wipe the history and I know many others do as a matter of course...but if it has been done this morning he is hiding soemthing

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 11:44:25

Viruses can cause porn but 90+% of the time it's the other way round.

The worst case scenario here is that he's been looking at porn and has fibbed about it. It could be a lot worse! But you do deserve to know the truth. Giving you a cuddle and saying it's a virus sounds a bit odd to me.

LBZT Wed 05-Mar-14 11:47:31

If you want to know google retrieving deleted history and you should get step by step instructions

DangerMoose Wed 05-Mar-14 11:59:19

Or look at the cookies, which I think remain even if history is deleted.

Jan45 Wed 05-Mar-14 12:19:09

Yes it's usually the porn sites that cause the virus!

Sorry but if he fancies and desire and loves you then I don't understand why you don't have a sexual relationship, we all have family and work stresses, sex is in fact good for the health so what are yous waiting for?

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 12:22:00

How upset would you be if he was using porn?

If you would't mind... then... what's the problem?

I'm guessing you'd be mortified... hence why he is lying. He is lying! (Sorry I'll keep saying that until you believe me...) brew

Needmoreinfo Wed 05-Mar-14 13:05:40

There was definitely a virus. Dh went out while the scan was running & when I looked at it came across this Trojan win32. It has been deleted and another scan run etc.
I was upset about the porn - the pictures were pretty disgusting - well I didn't appreciate seeing women's anatomy at that hour of the morning. There was nothing extreme tho. And dh could hear in my voice that I was upset. I did try and tell myself that it is probably normal but my heart didn't agree! I think combined with the lack of sex it was quite hurtful. But I really think it would be very serious if he lied to me. He spent a lot of time reassuring me & was upset that I'd think he'd go behind my back to look at porn. I asked him a few times not to lie, just to tell the truth so he had a chance.
All history & cookies are deleted on exit. In google I put in the first letter of each letter of the alphabet to see what came up but I can just see things we have both searched for over the past year so don't think porn was searched for in google.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:09:59

... he's been using porn OP.

Decide:

- If you think he's been lying about
- If you mind he uses porn

Then you can look to rebuild the marriage. This doesn't have to be a big deal. Like a lot of things in life, it's not the act but the repurcussions/lying afterwards that make things worse.

x

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:10:23

he's been lying about* it (I think he has)

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 05-Mar-14 13:14:41

The win32 trojan is REALLY common. It does not cause download porn images. There might be some trojans that do, but that one 100% does not.

I'm sorry, OP.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:16:05

Sounds like he's assuming you know nothing about computers... some of us do. And he's a fibber.

Tell him that (what Caja just said, word for word) and see what he says.

WhateverTrevor83 Wed 05-Mar-14 13:18:18

If there's a 'lack of sex' then that must be unsatisfying for both of you (not just him) and you both need to address it.

If he's watching porn (maybe just occasionally) and masturbating it's not the worst thing he could do. But lying about it is.

Kewcumber Wed 05-Mar-14 13:18:49
Kewcumber Wed 05-Mar-14 13:19:21

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