Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Dick pictures(98 Posts)
Just why?? Why do men send these?
Found a picture in dh's phone outbox to a weird email address with just a word and number (no name). There is another message to that address just saying 'no I didn't' but that was two weeks before the picture
Trying to think of a reason he'd have sent this that isn't bad but can't really think of one.
If dh told me he'd found pictures of my vagina that I'd sent to someone I would be, at the very least, wanting to see these messages for myself!
Spam email sent when your email gets hacked, sends emails to everyone in your address book, never just one person.
Out of all of the spam email I have received, I have never received a picture of a cock. It just doesn't fit the spam style. Spam has a purpose - phishing, viruses, advertising links etc - never random pictures.
Do you have the email address it was sent to?
Could you send another email to say, do you want another picture?
I freak when I think I've been hacked. I would look straight away if it was me, plus I would have sent an email to those in my inbox to say I had been hacked. Especially if it was dick pictures they were sending.
Sounds like he is lying very badly op
Feel really sorry for you OP. I know that doesn't help. What he's done/is doing is one thing but the cringeworthy lying is an insult to your intelligence.
Don't let him wriggle off the hook - I think you know he's dodgy as.
As a man I struggle to think why and man would do this
Believe me, Saints, don't ever bother trying it
It is not a turn on for most rightminded women
How are you getting on Feb ?
Sorry no news really I did ask him again and said I didn't believe that it could have been hacked he stuck to his story and still denies that it is him. I haven't done anything yet and I know I am probably fooling myself thinking it could be innocent but don't think I can do anything drastic based on this.
Am I right in thinking that you know it's not innocent, but you aren't going to do anything? Not in the near future, or not at all?
I don't know for sure that it's not innocent but can't think of a reason that it could be considering the general consensus is that someone would only send that to someone they were sleeping with or trying to
I haven't decided what to do
the general consensus is that someone would only send that to someone they were sleeping with or trying to
Ok, say it wasn't that. Say it was just him sending pictures of his cock to either a) randomers or b) someone he's in contact with...is that ok with you??
I don't understand. You can think of no reason why it would be innocent.
So you swallow it and do nothing ?
There is an alternative. Accept he is sending cock pics to people outside of your relationship as the fact it is, and act accordingly
if that fact is ok with you, then of course, do nothing
sometimes just believing what we see with our own eyes is actually enough, hard as that may be to believe
I think it's ok to do nothing and not rush in to a decision.
I also respect your right to decide to do nothing, but it seems a very sad life to live.
I think it's really hard for any intelligent woman who has not been in this type of situation to understand how another intelligent woman can even start to believe there's an OK explanation.
Or how powerful someone just sticking to a story is, even when the story is so very unlikely.
But I've been that intelligent woman, so I'm sending you hugs.
It seems like such a silly thing to end a relationship over - what, you divorced him for sending a cock shot, and he always told you it was even his? He was HACKED!
Can I share with you my experience though?
- it teaches them that yeah, they can do it and get away with it. You've got more commitment to the marriage than them - you'll put up with it.
- you may be suspicious forever more. Checking phones, noticing variations in routines... you'll hate that that is your life, in time
- you may be absolutely churned up that you could be treated like you're so fucking thick, a total mug for accepting that bollocks. You may be angry and resentful - not conducive to a happy marriage. Your sex life may suffer - afterall, you don't know where he's been and you know he doesn't love and respect you.
- over time you may be angry with YOURSELF for allowing yourself to be treated like an idiot
That was my life.
Something pretty minor months after we met. Oh well, he lied - I know that, but we're early days, it wasn't so bad... (hint to self: if they're straying that early, no matter how minor, they are never going to be the right one)
Some major stuff that was tenuously explained away, but hey, we're getting married soon, we're TTC, I love him, would I chuck this away when it looks really suspicious but he says he only LOOKED at escort sites...
At this point OP, I'm not offended if you think "mug" - in fact, please do See how easy it is to explain it away to yourself!
Then you are certain he's done it. No proof, he's saying it looks bad, but that evidence was all from last time, he hasn't looked since, honest... You finally 99% don't believe him. But you're married, you have a tiny baby...
The baby turns 4 and you find solid proof. It's finally not argued that he did it all along. You dump his sorry arse but you walk away knowing that you CHOSE to let him treat you that way. And that hurts so much. More than what he did to me, what I did to myself. That I didn't value myself enough to say - "uh, hacked email? Liar! I'm out". Where did I go wrong that I thought I should stay?
- no proof?
- didn't think I'd get anyone else?
- thought I could "fix" it?
- thought, well this is life, marriages are supposed to be worked on?
- thought there was some sort of prize giving at the end for Taking Your Marriage Seriously?
Who bloody knows. All I can tell you is that the expression "I felt like a weight had lifted" was spot on. I dumped him, I was walking on air. I really did feel lighter.
If you knew me IRL... I'm nice, attractive, funny, caring, confident enough (not the life & soul, but not shy), healthy, financially independent, intelligent, astute...
And yet, I still fell for the "maybe" and "no evidence" trap.
When I told my ex I was done with him, he said "I only looked" and I said "don't you realise that is enough reason for me to leave you?"
You don't NEED proof, you don't need anything except knowing that this man has made you unhappy.
Good luck OP. x
that is why you don't "do nothing"
My email address was hacked. Nonsense emails with dodgy (in the viral sense) links in were sent to all my contacts. None of these (as far as I'm aware) were a close up picture of a cock. Because that is not what happens when your email gets hacked. There isn't a cock fairy wandering around sending cock shots randomly.
I understand where you are right now. I know it's probably difficult to hear the opinions on here.
Here are the facts as I see them
1) You have only just found out
2) he's denying, denying, denying
3) you are doubting your own instincts - after all this is a man you love, this would be out of character
4) there is no rationalising this in your head so maybe he is telling the truth
The real facts are that you know in your heart whether he is telling the truth. Hindsight for all of us that have been or are going this awful betrayal is a nasty 'gift' that we are left with. We can see the signs, we hope we're wrong but reading threads on here there are so many sad stories of betrayal in one form or another.
I thought for months that my stbxh was going through some kind of mental breakdown, I was sick with worry. He wasn't, he was cheating. He denied, said it was all in my head, it was my problem if I didn't trust him - my God, even when I confronted him with the evidence, he denied it.
You have just found this, you are confused - none of us should make you feel foolish, you need time. This has blind-sided you and you have come on here for advice. Take your time, let it sink in, talk to him, ask him to give you space if you need it.
You may not ever know the truth but instincts are rarely wrong. You know him, you know what the truth is.
The best case scenario is that he's sent these to some randomer off the internet. A forum, a chat room, a cam site. But he has no intention of "cheating" (if you don't consider that cheating, you set your standards no one else) and never would. But he is lying.
The worst case scenario is that he is cheating or has been cheating. And he's lying about it.
Both scenarios he is lying. He must know it's a really crap lie, too. Either he thinks you're stupid or he knows you know, wants you to read between the lines and stfu and forgive him. Except without any open discussion, apology, etc.
I have the delight of working with a (very) blokey bloke. He always asks me for advice re women and I ask him a few things based on some of the MN horror stories (he was horrified by that bloke on the other thread leaving his wanky pants on the floor btw for those who remember it...). Anyway...
He says that email addresses with numbers in are inbox addresses for sex sites - I didn't even mention the photo of the willy, just that a friend's dh had been emailing weird email addresses with numbers in.
He said that sometimes there are 'affair' sites like one called Illicit Encounters (!) and just plain old grotty sex-chat sites.
In the interests of science I just googled it... Have you checked his internet history op?
My ex used a cam site and these women came up with numbers and letters on his messenger (as above). And some prostitutes from Craigslist (less likely they'd be receptive to cock shots though!).
He was paying the cam girls, though. They wouldn't have messages him privately otherwise. Worth looking into. Fortunately dipshit left himself logged on to the sites and it has a thorough record on it of conversations, money, etc. If the same (popular) site, anyway.
I think dirty badger's right.
A lot of men on NSA sites upload a cock shot on to their NSA site profile. My guess is he's on one (or more) of these sites. Google NSA (no strings attached) and hook up and you'll find a host of sites popping up. Brace yourself though, if you've never heard of these sites before it's eye-opening.
Did you search his computer folders for the photo(s)? He will have had to save it somewhere to upload it unless he's taking them and sending them from his phone.
At best he's 'just looking, not touching'. At worst he's meeting the recipients. Either way my heart goes out to you.
I'm so sorry OP.
Surely he will have deleted everything by now though.
The hacked excuse is pitiful!
Hope you're alight OP
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.