Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it ok for XH new partner to excessively slag me off??

(209 Posts)
Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:03:25

I posted before about the breakdown of my marriage (sorry don't know how to link from phone).

Anyways, me and XH have been talking loads, very amicable, friendly and honest. We agree we'll always be friends whatever the future holds as neither of us has any bad feelings of each other.

XH has new partner of 2 months (been seeing her twice a week). Since I got back in contact with him she has been sending in excess of 30 texts every day telling him what a bitch I am, what my character is, how I'll never change, what her friends say about me, along with lots of 'I love you' messages.

He has said she has every right to be angry at me. Am I being a bit blonde in thinking that as he's been honest with her about his failings as well as mine, she really shouldn't be doing this and he should tell her to stop with the character assassination??? He has said that she is doing his head in and that he doesn't believe everything she is saying but that she is only trying to protect him.

As the breakup was mutual I am struggling to understand this as I know if I had a new partner I wouldn't accept any down putting of XH.

Am I missing a something???

Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:21:30

Yep 2 boys, 15 and 17.

Cabrinha Mon 24-Feb-14 21:21:52

You are way too invested in this.
Why on earth do you know how often he sees her, or about his storm damaged roof payments?

You're sounding very mean - laughing at her for booking a holiday in October, but not at him for it?

All three of you sound very childish.

I kind of get why she might be taking out her frustration at him running to you, by being negative about you.

You are, as others have said, being played!

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 24-Feb-14 21:23:26

Almost grown up kids then. No reason for you to have any contact at all with him then.

Look love, leave him to his ridiculous relationship dramas. You are being used to add a frisson to what sounds like something a bit crap but is actually nothing to do with you. Can't you see this ?

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 24-Feb-14 21:25:28

Will you give him blow by blow < ahem > accounts of your adventures in Dating Land ?

the he can pass them along to his new gf and they can piss themselves laughing at you

"Hey, new GF, listen to this gem from my crazy fucked up ex who never put my butties up....you are sooooooo much better than her..."

Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:26:54

He was rather put out that I was even considering dating - I think he had me down as a Miss Faversham type to be honest, more fucking fool him.

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 24-Feb-14 21:27:11

so what ?

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 24-Feb-14 21:28:57

"hey, new improved gf, guess what my crazy ex calls you, did I mention she tries to get me jealous by dating other men, she thinks it will make me leave you.....is she stoooooopid or what, you are much better than she is..."

Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:29:19

@Cabrinha, I did say about the holiday to him, that how can he know after such a short time that he'll be with her in October? A holiday in March maybe, but October.

I am stepping away from him now. As AF said, I don't have to have any contact and in fact he sorts out access with kids directly.

PatriciaHolm Mon 24-Feb-14 21:30:09

You are way too over invested here.

You seem to have set up a dating profile simply to be able to tell him you have done so. Why do you care? Why should he? It's like some ridiculous potboiler in which you all proclaim that you are soooo like over each other but spend all your time stalking each other on Facebook. I'm beginning to feel sorry for the new girlfriend, she has no idea of the dramas she's got herself in the middle of.

Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:32:56

Because we both still love each other? Because we could have tried harder?

Honestly, tell me what to do, I'm lost, confused and angry

Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:34:52

@Patricia - I've had a blow by blow description of every encounter he's had since he 'moved on'

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 24-Feb-14 21:36:09

Ah, I though this was unfinished business for you

My advice to you is still the same

cut all contact

Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:36:10

Oh and he doesn't do Facebook, I don't stalk him. 2 DS have health issues so we remain in contact regards them.

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 24-Feb-14 21:36:17

thought

I've managed to stay incredibly pragmatic and tried to make him see that she is boosting his ego and telling him everything he wants to hear, not sure it's sunk in.

But why?

It's either over or it's not. Seriously you're doing yourself no favours being so caught up in an ex and his life!

This is not friendship it's just...odd!

Because we both still love each other? Because we could have tried harder?

Ah sad

AnyFuckerHQ Mon 24-Feb-14 21:38:12

OP is still in love with him and he is taking the piss

Loz, walk away love, you are being made a fool of

no "friend" actively encourages his new gf to abuse you

step away from the drama

ALittleStranger Mon 24-Feb-14 21:40:39

Oh bangs head on desk.

You need to move on. Seriously. Stop pining for what you think may have been. Grieve for your relationship instead and move on.

You are not friends. Nothing about this constitutes a friendship.

PatriciaHolm Mon 24-Feb-14 21:44:17

You might still love him, but he doesn't love you. He likes playing you for a fool though, and just loves having the two of you on strings.

Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:44:19

Ok, I am banging my own head on a desk (kitchen table).

I do think he is likely enjoying all of this tbh, but it's hard when you still love that person - whether the wrong or right reasons.

He had already laid down some 'rules' that he would apply if we were ever to get back together - I need to run a mile don't I?

PatriciaHolm Mon 24-Feb-14 21:44:55

yes. run like the wind!

ALittleStranger Mon 24-Feb-14 21:48:43

He had already laid down some 'rules' that he would apply if we were ever to get back together - I need to run a mile don't I?

I'd go a little bit further Loz, just to be sure.

I also feel sorry for his GF now as well. No wonder she's acting so crazy.

JohnFarleysRuskin Mon 24-Feb-14 21:49:48

He is your ex. You don't need to know about his love-life AND he doesn't need to know yours. You don't need to know about the content of the texts he and his GF send each other, do you? Why would you? Is this really important news about his kids? No.

I can't understand your involvement.

He had already laid down some 'rules' that he would apply if we were ever to get back together - I need to run a mile don't I?

You know you don't have to ask.

How mutual was this split??

Lozislovely Mon 24-Feb-14 21:51:27

@John - he won't show me all the texts, he's read a couple out.

I'm a fool aren't I?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now