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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is it ok for XH new partner to excessively slag me off??

208 replies

Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:03

I posted before about the breakdown of my marriage (sorry don't know how to link from phone).

Anyways, me and XH have been talking loads, very amicable, friendly and honest. We agree we'll always be friends whatever the future holds as neither of us has any bad feelings of each other.

XH has new partner of 2 months (been seeing her twice a week). Since I got back in contact with him she has been sending in excess of 30 texts every day telling him what a bitch I am, what my character is, how I'll never change, what her friends say about me, along with lots of 'I love you' messages.

He has said she has every right to be angry at me. Am I being a bit blonde in thinking that as he's been honest with her about his failings as well as mine, she really shouldn't be doing this and he should tell her to stop with the character assassination??? He has said that she is doing his head in and that he doesn't believe everything she is saying but that she is only trying to protect him.

As the breakup was mutual I am struggling to understand this as I know if I had a new partner I wouldn't accept any down putting of XH.

Am I missing a something???

OP posts:

Report

AnyFuckerHQ · 24/02/2014 21:06

Yes, this bloke is enjoying playing two women off against each other

It's up to you of course if you want to be a bit player in the Drama of him

me ? Fuck the friendship, I'd find something better to do with my time

DarlingGrace · 24/02/2014 21:09

He has said she has every right to be angry at me

Really? and why is that then?

Sorry but your ex likes playing off the women in his life, makes him feel big and masterful. If he had any dignity or decorum he wouldnt be running tales.

Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:10

Thanks AF! I've said that if that was me I'd run a mile, very quickly!!

I've managed to stay incredibly pragmatic and tried to make him see that she is boosting his ego and telling him everything he wants to hear, not sure it's sunk in.

She's already asked him to move in, given him keys, offered to pay to repair his storm damaged roof, booked a holiday for October, the list goes on!

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/02/2014 21:10

Agree with the PP. A friend would stick up for you rather than making excuses. I think 'amicable, friendly and honest' has been a big fat lie.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 24/02/2014 21:11

He has said she has every right to be angry at me.

For what?

What did you do to her that she has a right to be angry about?

I think AnyFucker is right and he's getting far too much enjoyment out of this drama.

If he was really your friend he wouldn't let a very new girlfriend bitch about you to him.

Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:12

@darling - I think you may well be right!! He's said all the stuff I didn't do, like make his packed lunch and ofcourse she's told him that she'll make his packed lunch for him forever!!!!!

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BeCool · 24/02/2014 21:13

his new girlfriend of 2 months is sending him 30 texts a day slagging you off? Did I read that right? So your friendly XP is telling you about this?

Good grief - he's clearly not your friend, and is using "aren't I wonderfully honest" to create drama in your life and his GF's life and his own. And what is she thinking?

Why on earth would you want to be a part of that? Presumably your mutual break up means you can move on and have a different life - keep moving away from all this crap.

AnyFuckerHQ · 24/02/2014 21:13

Why are you trying to counsel your exP with regard to his new girlfriend ?

Go and find a new relationship of your own...this one has nothing to do with you

You are being played like a fiddle, I am afraid

Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:13

@join - thats exactly what I said!! If I'd left him for another man maybe, but FFS, it was mutual!!!!!!

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irrepressibleyou · 24/02/2014 21:14

Why is he telling you about these messages? That's really twattish behaviour and very school playground. She clearly feels he might get back with you and has come up with the brilliant plan of slagging you off, but he has no reason to tell you what she's saying - it would be the same whoever you were. In your situation I would probably tell EXH I didn't want to hear any more about it.

kinkyfuckery · 24/02/2014 21:14

He sounds like a selfish bastard and she sounds like a bunny boiler. Perfect!

AnyFuckerHQ · 24/02/2014 21:14

He is using you to control and manipulate his new gf and you are lapping it up

could we suggest any interesting new hobbies for you to try ?

Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:15

@AF, I've told him that I'm sorry we didn't work out, that I'm sad that we both see what went wrong and it's too late to change it.

I may sound like a bitch but I'm kind of looking forward to the 'I told you do' when he realises what a bunny boiler she is!!!

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ALittleStranger · 24/02/2014 21:15

Is there a backstory that we're missing? Why is she angry with you?

She's reacting unreasonably, but at the same time plenty of people would take issue if their partner was running back to their ex all the time. And playing two women off against each other.

You don't just "decide" to be lifelong friends. It happens or it doesn't, and it's not clear that it's going to be good for both of you to force the issue.

Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:16

@AF, just embarking on couch to 5k mark 2 - running is quite cathartic in situations like this!

I shouldn't have doubted my sanity for one minute should I?

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AnyFuckerHQ · 24/02/2014 21:16

You sound far too involved. And in danger of "bunny boiler" status yourself.

Why don't you throw this idiotic bloke back into the pond...he is making a fool of you

Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:17

@Alittle - to be honest I'm not sure. I personally think she is incredibly controlling and insecure hence her attack on me.

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ThinkFirst · 24/02/2014 21:17

She has no right to be angry with you. Your relationship with your ex is none of her business.

She sounds jealous, possessive and controlling, I would almost feel sorry for your ex lol.

AnyFuckerHQ · 24/02/2014 21:17

Good luck with the running, btw. That is a great goal to achieve.

ALittleStranger · 24/02/2014 21:18

I may sound like a bitch but I'm kind of looking forward to the 'I told you do' when he realises what a bunny boiler she is!!!

You don't sound like a bitch, but you have confirmed there is no healthy person in this little love triangle of yours. For god sake move on.

AnyFuckerHQ · 24/02/2014 21:18

She's blaming you, you are blaming her

What's the common denominator here ?

Both you daft women need your heads knocking together

DomesticDisgrace · 24/02/2014 21:19

You're missing the point here

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Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:19

@AF - done it tonight. Told him I'm moving on, registered on dating sites.

He was a bit gobsmacked I can tell you.

I can't save him can I - he needs to realise his own mistakes now. Just a bit hard after 20 years but I'm getting there!

OP posts:

AnyFuckerHQ · 24/02/2014 21:20

Cut off all contact, seriously. Do you have kids together ?

Lozislovely · 24/02/2014 21:21

Yep 2 boys, 15 and 17.

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