Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Found an escort's number(76 Posts)
Hello all - i'm usually a lurker, but decided to finally post for all of your helpful opinions
I'm in a long-term relationship with a great deal of trust. I rarely question anything my partner does when we are apart, as I fully trust him. We are both highly independent, live separately and have our own lives.
Mixed in amongst his receipts, I found a phone number and girls' name scrawled on a piece of cash register receipt paper. So I googled it, and to my surprise, it came up with an escort's page here in my city.
The escort in question is a similar age to him (more similar than mine to him), and it doesn't go to a vague page of porn - the phone number leads to a particular escorts site (and links to her same page on a number of different prostitutation sites).
My question is: how would you go about bringing this up with my partner? Should I ask point blank, but i'm concerned he will simply deny.
He is in a sales job where he is constantly collecting phone numbers for people and calling them later to discuss business opportunities, so there is the chance it could be yet another one of those phone numbers. But I guess I figured that if she was interested in business opportunities unrelated to being a prostitute, she would have given him her real number, not one that goes directly to a answer machine.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
And the problem is...this won't show if any past contact has been made in case he doesn't call it. Then I will always wonder.
The hand writing on the piece of paper is very messy looking and almost looks like a man's writing. That's why I've been wondering if maybe someone gave it to him? It was sitting right out on the main cabinet next in with receipts so it doesn't seem to me like he was trying to hide it anyway.
But again he is quite disorganized, so he may have forgotten all about it or assumed I wouldn't be cleaning through his receipts.
I've been resisting the urge to leave a message for her because a) she probably won't call me back anyways but b) figured if she did call me back and I told her his name and she said something like oh that guy yeah he's introducing me to a new business or something then I would be completely over the line and she would probably tell him that he has some crazy partner who's checking up on him.
Seems to me though that when you have a prostitutes number in your possession that's the one time it actually is okay to be snoopy.
Hmmmm I wouldn't try to contact her....doubt very much she would divulge. You need to have a glance at his phone/bill when you get a moment. It doesn't sound like a legitimate business enquiry IMO.
You won't get any info from the girl on the end of the phone.
There is another possibility and its not as far fetched as you think and that is the waitress gives out this number to people who hit on her because she thinks its amusing.
I'd be surprised if he had any intention at all of seeing this girl or has seen her and he is keeping a piece of paper in his wallet with the number along with the name. That's way too incriminating.
Well, I've been where you are.
And I did all the "what else could it be" creative gymnastics.
Occam's razor: what's the most simple scenario?
- He hit on a waitress who just happened to have memorised a prostitute's number for just that occasion?
- A prostitute gave him a number which she also takes work calls on, for another business opportunity (is he a door to door condom seller?)
- He has the number because he has used a prostitute
The most simple scenario, is most likely to be the truth.
In this case you'd think it was more likely if you'd read on here just how common using prostitutes is.
I'm bringing my own baggage to this - and I'll say just get rid. But I understand how compelling it is to look for other reasons.
I would suggest that you don't tell him what you know. Tell him you believe that he has been in contact with a prostitute, and you would like to see his phone and his emails, and browser history.
And take it from there. I would HATE to show my phone to my boyfriend... (innocent, but private) but you know what? I love him, so I would.
I expect yours will throw the trust thing at you. But if he loves you, he'll want you to be reassured.
Don't tell him what you've got - he may incriminate himself in what he says.
Another thing you could check is his car SatNav. I googled the last 6 postcodes and bingo - massage parlour.
I am sorry to say this, but not only on my experience but that of many on here, there's no innocent explanation.
Oh and no point ringing. No way will a prostitute get involved in that! And actually, it was explained to me on here that they often only answer calls to known clients - a lot of their websites say that too, email contact first. I rang about 20 from my ex's phone (not to talk to them, to see if any had "Sexy Huni here" on message! Every single one rang out to a generic non personalised message.
But think very carefully whether you want the life I led for 4 years... Suspicious and checking.
And it doesn't show innocence at all to have incriminating paper - all the stories on here will show you that they get caught out eventually, some slip up.
That's sort of what I was thinking - it's so incriminating that if he was actually doing something he shouldn't be, he would have hidden that number or put it in his phone and then thrown it away. It was still perfectly crisp and folded and looked as though it hadn't been opened before. Also mixed in with receipts from a couple weeks ago.
Cabrinha - very good points. The Simplest answer is probably the right answer.
Wish he had a GPS I could check through!
I am starting to think that innocent explanations are the exception vs the norm.
sorry I misread your previous post, I thought the name was on a restaurant receipt not a blank piece of paper.
Go with your gut, its usually correct. You probably need to see his mobile bill to see if he has phoned her. Although I still think if he had any real intention of seeing a prostitute he would never leave a number on a piece of paper lying around. It's just not something to be "forgotten about" imo
I'm sorry OP
I think I'd come out with it. I'd say I'd found his escorts number and that we need to decide where we go from there.
Whatever the outcome of any plans for revelation this is the eventual outcome. Best to get it dealt with.
The problem here OP is that, unless you usually use condoms, you cannot just sit on this and wait it out to see what happens next. If he is having sex, possibly unprotected, with prostitutes you cannot afford to have unprotected sex with him yourself.
I really feel for you. If you cannot get hold of his phone and he is very protective of it I am not sure how you go about resolving this as if you confront him he will most probably deny.
Prostitutes don't have unprotected sex, ever. No need to worry about that.
But you do need to know.
Unfortunately it sounds to me as if the ad was up in a shop (thinking seedy corner shop, not Tesco) hence the till receipt ... Sorry
What? Top advice... Not.
Use condoms, get checked.
Er - me?
Have you ever worked as an escort, Hawkmoth? Escorts have sex with lots of men: men who by turn have sex with a lot of women.
As such, they do not put themselves at risk of disease. Use condoms and get checked out by all means but all I am saying is that this is unlikely to be something you need to worry about. There are other worries of course but disease is unlikely to be one of them. Most working girls are pretty sharp where using protection is concerned.
Some prostitutes do sometimes have unprotected sex. You can't know and also condoms don't protect you against some STIs so no matter how careful you are doing sex work does carry a greater risk of STIs, as does having sex with a sex worker. That's why GUM/sexual health centres ask about having sex with sex workers/being paid for sex when determining risk.
I think you need to take the advice upthread regarding getting hold of his phone and changing the number (if it is in there) to a PAYG phone in your possession. This way you would know. In your shoes I would get devious as I would have to know one way or another.
I'm not sure I'd go to all this effort over someone I didn't live with because;
A. It is easier to split up than bother with all this stressing and snooping and chasing.
B. The hole in your life won't be huge if you are completely independent.
Not all prostitutes use condoms all the time.
Not all people use condoms all the time.
It IS something to worry about.
Offred, I have never once known an escort who has unprotected sex with anyone - ever. Obviously, I can't say for sure it has never happened - it surely has - but it is unlikely.
Anyway, apologies for the derailment. But it must be a rotten time for the OP and I wanted to put her mind at rest over that at any rate (I was an escort between 2007 to 2012.)
I agree that on the whole the majority of sex workers are probably more likely to use condoms and also have regular screenings/treatment than the general population.
But they also have sex with more partners and their partners also have sex with more partners. Also, as I said condoms do not protect against all STIs and in addition not all STIs can be treated.
It is a well known fact that statistically sex workers and people who have sex with sex workers are at a higher risk of contracting STIs.
If your partner has been, or you think he may have been sleeping with anyone it is always wise to be checked out. Not sure what the point of the post was really?
Just trying to offer a bit of reassurance Offred - which I did say in my above post.
Sex worker covers a huge breadth of people as I am sure you know: street prostitutes (who often are addicted to drugs) as well as escorts. In the agency I worked for we had to have regular STI checks - every 6 months. Otherwise they would stop using us.
As I have said I'm not condoning what the partner has done but if my DP had done this and my world was falling apart, knowing I might have HIV would have added to that - I was merely seeking to reassure the OP.
If a condom is only 98% effective against pregnancy, which can only occur a few days each month, then how effective do you think they are against STIs/AIDS?
Condoms break/split/leak sometimes.
Of course I know that! But a check every 6 months doesn't really offer any protection from STIs for a sex worker (you must know that). It's recommended to have one every time you have a new partner!
I can see why you might be personally interested in downplaying the risks but you cannot protect yourself effectively from all STIs when using condoms. Many are not symptomatic. If you have a lot of partners regularly, whether you are a sex worker or not, STI checks every 6 months are not really going to pick anything up in time to protect a lot of people from infection and are enough time to completely miss certain STIs - coincidentally the same ones condoms don't protect against.
Not sure where that stat comes from but to be totally honest - I used to have sex several times a night, every night, throughout my 20s (with a condom) and have never once had a pregnancy scare or an STI for what matter.
When I did want to conceive it worked on the first attempt.
Offed, I'm really not downplaying the risks - I did say above that the OP should be checked out. I was just trying to counteract the 'omg you almost definitely have HIV' tone to one of the posts. I'd say she almost definitely does not!
Serenshiningstar very good post from good perspective. If my partner was going to be unfaithful Wd prefer it to be with an escort than an emotional investment. I think if it was me and found an escorts number I Wd just ask see what the response and gauge from there how I responded.
Join the discussion
Please login first.