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Feeling left behind.

(7 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Wed 19-Feb-14 22:17:27

I do have a lot of single mum friends, most of whom are great.
One of my closest friends from way back has been with her bloke for 10 years...very happy etc.
I just find it harder and harder to relate to her and vice versa. The other day she was talking about how much it will cost to repair bits of her rambling house and how it is straining the relationship.
I know this sounds unreasonable but I just think at least you have a house and relationship.
I have posted. About this girl before. I do love her but when we first started hanging out it was all about boys. She did pull some dirty tricks like dating two of my ex boyfriends etc. It was always a bit of a competition with her generally winning. It feels like she's on top.
I want to put a bit of distance between us but our kids are friends and our parents are dating. I get fed up of the odd tricky comment.
I also feel that she is fed up of all my heart breaks as they are quite frequent.
There are other people who also make me feel like I'm on the shelf ( intentional or not).

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Feb-14 08:04:52

The only person who can make you feel small is you. If you're insecure about your life then do things to make it better. If you feel others are bragging then take an assertive approach to 'tricky comments' and don't tolerate it. If you don't want to be told you're on the shelf, maybe don't share quite so much of your private life? It's none of their business. Good luck

purpleroses Thu 20-Feb-14 08:11:48

If you have a lot of single mum friends, then hang out with them a bit more, and with this old friend a bit less. You don't need to have a huge fall out or never see her, but right now she's not giving you what you need from friendship - and you're not really able to giver her what she needs (advice about house repairs straining her relationship).

The importance of different relationships do come and go over time. I think that's OK. Put your efforts into building up a closer relationship with some of the people who do really understand where you're at in your life right now.

akawisey Thu 20-Feb-14 08:13:35

If you want to put some distance between you then do it. Don't see her so often, and when you do see her make sure it's an activity thing like going to the cinema so you don't get into competitive conversations. These kind of friendships can be quite intense and it sounds to me like you need friends who add something to your life.

superstarheartbreaker Thu 20-Feb-14 16:11:26

I guess it's hard as our parents are dating and she's family. She is lovely and does put up with a lot of my 'winging ' tbh.
Besides I want to remain friends with my married friends...it just makes me feel sad when I go round to their big, fancy houses and I feel like I will never have what they have.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 20-Feb-14 16:45:08

Hanging out with others who have more is always going to be tough if you take their success to mean you have failed. As someone cleverer than me once said "Comparison is the death of happiness" So I'd suggest that, as well as your friends with big fancy houses, you also spend time with others whose circumstances mirror your own. Count your blessings.

And then ... please... don't whinge to the person that likes bringing you down. You're just giving them ammunition. From now on, as far as this friend is concerned, your life has challenges but it is essentially rewarding.

justmuddlingalong Thu 20-Feb-14 16:49:39

...it just makes me feel sad when I go round to their big, fancy houses and I feel like I will never have what they have. That'll be the rambling house that costs a fortune to repair and the strained relationship? Maybe she feels slightly envious of your life?

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