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what's my next step?

(2 Posts)
sus14 Wed 19-Feb-14 20:37:56

I've had some really briliiant support on the EA thread as I have FINALLY got myself in the right place to leave an abusive relationship. I could do with some thoughts on this specific dilemma about how to move things on. We have one dd who is 5. Ex has been staying hotels and occasionally staying here at weekends (not with my agreement) for the past month or so. Me and dd are going on holiday (which he is booked on but has agreed not to go) in a few weeks and so I am not going to rock the boat too mucb before then, but when I get back, I want to get things moving to have my independence.

I was assuming that we would have to sell the house, we have a lot of equity in it, so that we can both buy new places. However this would take me out of the catchment area for secondary school - which while a long time away, is a concern, because i went to secondary school in a new area without any friends and had an utterly miserable time. I want dd to go to one with people she knows.

Also she is MASSIVELY adverse to change , far more than i ever was a s a child, and whenever she has seen us argue - her biggest concern is about losing the house (as fw has told her that will happen if we divorce). We also live 2 mins from her school, and several of her classmates live on her road.

Our house is lovely and secure , if we were to move, i work pt on a low wage,, would be able to afford a small flat out of the area i think at a push.

I was thinking of trying to get fw to rent and hence stay away properly rather than keep coming back by offering him some £ a month towards his rent. But I think this might be a bit difficult tax wise.

But I am wondering if I could remortgage to an interest only mortgage and give him the equity i can raise. It might equate to about 1/6 of the house. And then have this all written down in stone that I have done that and that he is due the other portion of the house (1/3) when dd is 13 (and in secondary school). So 6 1/2 years time. I just looked and he could barely afford a 1 bed flat though on the money he would have and the mortgage he could raise - maybe at a stretch. Or it would help him to rent.

I am planning to see a solicitor when i get back from holiday and my boss (!) has recommended one and talk all this through, but does this sound reasonable, and sensible from dd's pov? I think I will have to pursue a divorce or he's just never going to give up . And mentally I need a break soon. I don't want to pursue an aggressive divorce but obviously staying in the house is so massively in dd's interest.

any thoughts would be gratefully received as my head is spinning.

Gossipyfishwife Wed 19-Feb-14 22:53:10

I think that your daughter's home is a priority and would be seen as such by any divorce court.

Your solicitor will advise you properly. Don't make any offers to your ex until you have had professional advice.

Best of luck.

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