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Why do i feel such intense self hatred

(12 Posts)
Pesca Wed 19-Feb-14 00:14:01

Im not a bad person,yet why do i hate myself so much .people comment quite often on how pretty i am yet i sometimes want to rip my face off. I hate myself and how i look. Is this normal?

BiscuitMillionaire Wed 19-Feb-14 00:23:06

The only person who can answer that one is you, helped by a therapist / counsellor. Google for one in your area or ask your GP.

Pesca Wed 19-Feb-14 00:27:50

I agree with you,however im reluctant to seek help as im scared it will be used against me.

Joysmum Wed 19-Feb-14 00:58:23

It's not normal. I struggle with feeling if self loathing and I self sabotage and punish myself. Mine stems from something that happened to me when I was in my teens. It's an ongoing project to try to want better for myself. I just felt like I was getting it right enough of the time a couple of years ago when I turned 38 so it took a while. First thing was figuring out why and facing up to it and realising it wasn't my fault.

Pesca Wed 19-Feb-14 01:05:22

The thing is nothing significant happened to me, i didnt have an easy childhood but i was never abused etc, so why do i feel like this. I literally feel so worthless that it scares me,

handfulofcottonbuds Wed 19-Feb-14 01:55:02

Pesca - you have so much going on right now, being in an EA relationship, purging, not eating properly. I'm not surprised you are feeling the way you are right now.

Do you have a bit of an appetite back yet? You need to keep your strength up for your DDs.

Nobody is worthless, it's just your lack of confidence right now. When you look at your girls, do you see in their eyes that they believe you are worth nothing? I bet they show nothing but love for you because you are worth so much to them.

I think you need support, have you seen your GP?

Might be good for you to stay on this thread too and update rather than start another thread so you can get consistent advice and support.

Pesca Wed 19-Feb-14 02:06:02

Handful your post has made me cry! Im not sure why though,maybe your right i need help.

I know my girls adore me,they are constantly writing me cards especially my youngest she sent me a valentines day card she made at school inside it said mum i love you so so much i want to be with you forever. That melted my heart.

I just want to do whats best for my children. I find it hard to be around him when hes nice as i know what he really thinks .

handfulofcottonbuds Wed 19-Feb-14 02:11:33

How wonderful!! Keep hold of that card (I know as a Mum you will).

Your girls will be your strength Pesca.

Do you want to stay with him? It sounds like such an exhausting way to live but I understand if you don't have the strength right now. You need to take care of yourself and look after your health.

I have to go to bed now but please keep posting on here, you will get support here.

I'll check in on your post in a few hours. Try and get some sleep.

Pesca Wed 19-Feb-14 02:21:41

Oh yes i have a special box full of everything they have made for me.:-)

I love him very much , to me marriage is for life. I just wish he was happy with me. I love my life ,my family ,i couldnt ask for a better life. I just want him to love me.I have friends who talk about their husbands and it makes me so sad inside as i want someone like that. I do everything i can to look and be perfect for him,i dress nice wear full makeup cook,clean do whatever sexually, and oviously try to be the best mum i can be.

Takingbackmonday Wed 19-Feb-14 03:13:45

I feel the same OP. Nothing to add to help, I'm sorry, but you're not alone

Hohihi Wed 19-Feb-14 03:48:42

Takingbackmonday. Im sorry you feel the same . If you want to pm me I would be more than happy to chat with you.

handfulofcottonbuds Wed 19-Feb-14 09:13:59

I do everything i can to look and be perfect for him,i dress nice wear full makeup cook,clean do whatever sexually

Pesca - morning lovely! What you have written is upsetting, you need to do those things for you. Wear full make up because it makes you feel good, dress nicely because you want to look good for you. Do things sexually as a couple, not just to please him.

Does he tell you he loves you? Does he know you purge?

You say you have everything but sometimes you can have everything and be surrounded by people and still feel incredibly lonely.

Do you work or are you a SAHM?

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