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One Year Ago Today...........

(27 Posts)
RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 08:57:18

.......I received a letter from a man I didn't know telling me my then DP had been having an affair with his wife.

Unfortunately I didn't do what I should have done then and kick his cheating arse out. I pleaded for us to try again as we had a 2 year old DS.

He pretended to try but I knew if was over and eventually on Easter Sunday our relationship ended. I was in pieces, my world was coming to an end, I would never be happy, I didn't want to be a single mum etc...
Thankfully I had the funds to move out and buy a new house back in my home town. So 6 weeks later I left with my DS to start a new, scary life.

It hasn't been easy (particularly as my DM passed away one month after I moved) but 12 months later here I am, alive, happy, settled and finally over the cheating bastard.

I am off on holiday with my DS alone next month. I have lost 2 stone, given up smoking and now exercise regularly. I have more time to myself now than I ever did. I am not a skivvy anymore, breaking my back to look after a verbally abusive bastard who never appreciated me.

I have a nice new man interested in me. Whether it goes any further I don't know yet but it's nice to be wanted!

I did post a year ago under a different name and got some great advice, particularly from Cog and AF who I think are amazing! Thanks ladies thanks

So this is just a post to say to all those ladies currently going through the hell I had 12 months ago - You WILL survive, don't put up with being treated like shit, life goes on and it's a cliche but time really is a great healer.

Sortyourmakeupout Mon 17-Feb-14 09:01:35

Sorry to hear abut your mum op.

lovely to read that your life has gone from strength to strength.

Where are you off to for your holiday?

RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 09:02:59

We are off to Centreparcs. Nothing too exciting but I feel comfortable there and it's the last time I get to go out of school holidays!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Feb-14 09:12:14

I'm glad your life is on the up again. Best of luck

louby44 Mon 17-Feb-14 09:13:17

I think it's so good when people post things like this - it really makes you think that time heals and it's better to be single than in a relationship that doesn't give you what you need!

Well don OP for getting through the past 12 months - congrats wine

Sortyourmakeupout Mon 17-Feb-14 09:15:16

Centreparcs is a great idea. Your little boy and you will have a blast.

Handywoman Mon 17-Feb-14 09:15:48

That's brilliant. Congrats on your new life smile

stillenacht Mon 17-Feb-14 09:16:58

What a brilliant postsmilesmilesmile

MillyStar Mon 17-Feb-14 09:19:23

Lovely post well done you ;-)

RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 09:21:08

Thanks everyone. Every day I read new posts about women who are in the position I was in and I want them to know - you can do it!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Feb-14 09:25:00

They can do it so please stick around and encourage others who are in the same place you were... thinking life had ended, never be happy, phobia of being single etc.... to make the break. smile

Trooperslane Mon 17-Feb-14 09:28:44

You're a superstar. grinthankswinewine

RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 09:31:46

I am a daily lurker but will post more in the future. I never thought I'd have anything useful to say but I guess I have!

You are truly amazing,inspiration to many of us.thanks

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Feb-14 09:39:34

Just having 'walked the walk' means you have something useful to say. smile That's the power of something like MN i.e. collective experience and collective testimony that might just make someone think a little differently about their situation and/or reassure them that they are not the only person it has happened to.

Aside from the friendly sledgehammers dished out by myself and AF, for example, what actually flipped you from 'world coming to an end' to buying a new house and taking on the scary stuff? Because that's where a lot of people get frozen.

Only1scoop Mon 17-Feb-14 09:42:03

Wow that's great....have a wonderful holiday with ds thanks

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 17-Feb-14 09:47:55

Courageous and inspiring, well done OP.

TinselTownley Mon 17-Feb-14 09:49:31

Posts like this really inspire me. I can't overstate the role they play in helping me to see my break up as a bump in the road rather than the end of the line. If I'd have come on here years ago, on one of the other occasions he dumped me like a sack of rubbish, I genuinely don't think I would have had him back for more of the same old toxicity.

I am so happy for you, OP. I hope you have an amazing holiday and thank you for sharing. It helps build my faith in hope.

RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 09:49:50

What made me move on? I was getting up at 5.30am every day and commuting 70 miles and wanted to be closer to my friends and family. We lived in his home town.
I am a very pragmatic person and often act before I think, which in this case was a blessing. I had a goal and took whatever steps I needed to achieve it.
Of course he wanted me to stay so we could raise our DS together but live as 'friends' confused. I was also the breadwinner, cook, cleaner and general skivvy and I was damned if I was still going to be doing that lot and getting nothing in return.
I also had great RL support. It turns out my best friend never liked him!

RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 09:51:35

Thanks Tinsel

balenciaga Mon 17-Feb-14 09:53:20

aww what a fab post

how inspiring!!

well done to you x

Paddlingduck Mon 17-Feb-14 10:52:54

Thank you from some-one still 'walking the walk.' You give me hope. We're getting there too. When I told a friend it was just the three of us now, she told me that three was a traditional sign of strength. We're getting stronger now. What I'm not being is cheated on still.

AnyFucker Mon 17-Feb-14 10:59:18

yay ! thanks

RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 11:02:06

Sorry you're going through the same thing paddling.
I look at it this way - one year ago I thought I was the loser, losing him, losing my life as I knew it. But I am happier, have a much closer relationship with my DS and am no longer being treated like shit.

And him? Well he regrets it of course and he no longer lives with his son full time and likely never will again. Now who's the loser smile. You'll come through it, no matter how hard it seems.

scornedwoman67 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:43:29

Briliant. Well done !! So happy for you flowers

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