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So, so angry that he's left me to deal with all the house shit...

(50 Posts)
louby44 Sun 16-Feb-14 17:11:04

So, relationship breaks down after nearly 6 years together last December.

Jointly own the house (but I have a large sum invested that he can't touch) we've lived here for 5 years in April. me and my DC moved 11 miles (sold my house) so that we could have a fresh start, larger house as his DD visited 3 weekends out of 4 at the time and he wanted rooms for his girls. He moved 30 or so miles to live with me. Large mortgage that he is still paying half towards.

He met someone 3 weeks after our split and he moved out of the house last week - he's renting somewhere 40 miles away, close to work. I have a feeling his new victim and child have moved in with him.

He has left a load of stuff here (currently piled up in the garage). I have emailed him asking him if he's coming for it, or not! he hasn't even got the decency to reply.

He left the areas he was living in in a disgusting state. The bathroom hadn't been cleaned, he took his TV off the wall leaving screws and holes. There was stuff everywhere. He just packed up and ran!

I know he has no interest in this house now but it is further proof that he is truly a despicable person. He has no morals. He talks about respect and decency, he has none for me or this house. He has walked away and left me to deal with it all - I am so bloody angry. I honestly thought he was a good, kind, decent man! He isn't!

I'm trying desperately to sell this house. I only moved here because of him. My mum and dad have been so good, they have helped me sort rooms out, redecorate and make it more appealing.

Just needed to vent!

louby44 Tue 18-Feb-14 10:59:29

Bank account and wages were sorted out ages ago.

We still have some joint commitments (mortgage/loan/life insurance linked to the house) which means we need a joint bank account in the short term.

Once the house is sold the joint account will be closed.

lizzzyyliveson Tue 18-Feb-14 10:27:37

Sort out the bank account immediately. Open yourself a new one and make sure that your wages are going into it. Inform the bank that the joint account is going to be closed and get it frozen as soon as your new account is ready. That is way more important than worrying about some old stuff in the garage.

tribpot Tue 18-Feb-14 10:27:29

Frankly, any of these things which have sentimental or significant financial value I would be moving out of the house for now. I think you're right that he will exercise his 'legal right' to take stuff simply to punish you. If there's anything you can do without having out in the open for a while, lock it away (pref at someone else's house) until this is done.

louby44 Tue 18-Feb-14 10:05:22

No we aren't married (thank goodness) yes I know they are 'things' - but some of these things would cost a lot to replace and they make my life more comfortable.

I just want to sell the house, give him his money, close down the joint account and move on!

Lovingfreedom Tue 18-Feb-14 08:29:55

I'm not sure if you're married or not. If you are then it doesn't matter who bought what, they are all joint possessions and you decide how to split then out.

These are 'things'....it is distressing but try to remember that.

Legally he may still own half the house but he has moved out. You can still do everything you can to keep him out.

louby44 Tue 18-Feb-14 08:08:24

Legally he can come back into the house, it's still half his. I don't know if he would dare. I feel very protective over this space now. It's my home after all.

I just worry that he will sit in his new rented accommodation and decide to come to get x, y z - and they be things he knows I want for myself. He just seems to think it's his right to take what he wants. he remembers very specifically what he bought and has taken that.

I just can't believe he's the man I feel in love with, he truly is horrible.

Lovingfreedom Tue 18-Feb-14 07:08:43

Yes I know that feeling. Personally I wouldn't let him in the house again. Box up his stuff and either get him to collect it or, as I said before, if he's not coming for it quickly, chuck it out. My ex hired a van to pick up the main things but I had it all boxes so he didn't have to step foot inside the house. The rest I chucked.

louby44 Mon 17-Feb-14 13:59:54

I agree it is all about control. I'm dreading him coming here. This week has been like a new lease of life for me, I'm back in my old bedroom, have sorted out the house and feel more relaxed.

Coming home every night to face him was making me ill. When he finally went I just felt relief.

Lovingfreedom Mon 17-Feb-14 13:38:56

I chucked my ex's stuff away and/or took to charity shops. It was cathartic throwing his junk into skips up at the recycling centre.

LilyBlossom14 Mon 17-Feb-14 13:33:31

when my ex refused to collect his stuff my solicitor wrote to him - 2 weeks to be collected by a third party giving 48 hours notice, otherwise you will presume he does not want his items and they will be sold/given to charity.

He is using his non collection of items as a way to bully/control you still I fear. Give him a deadline. If you leave it on the kerbside you could be accused of fly tipping so don't risk that.

Granville72 Mon 17-Feb-14 13:29:11

I would still get your solicitor to send a letter saying that you have requested him collect his stuff to which he is refusing and it's in the garage. It will cover you if he claims you are liable for any damage if it gets damp etc.

Otherwise, I wouldn't be giving him the time of day. All communication can be done via solicitor (regardless if he has one or not)

tribpot Mon 17-Feb-14 13:27:20

It seems like it could be very unfortunate if the garage door got left open in the rain ... I'm not sure how that would happen, of course.

louby44 Mon 17-Feb-14 13:17:37

I don't think he even has a solicitor. I asked him which firm were representing him a while ago so that my solicitor could email his direct and he told me it was none of my business. So I suspect it's all hot air.

I won't get rid of his stuff but it will be spoilt if he doesn't collect it soon.I've given him the option. Why he can't just call here, load his car up and be done with it I do not know.

The girls stuff is hardly anything worth keeping. Knickers, few games from years ago, couple of bikes, pjs, they have hardly been here in the past 12 months after a fall out with their dad, and wanting to be with their friends.

If I get a solicitors letter I will be very surprised, he won't pay for that!

cavell Mon 17-Feb-14 13:09:00

I strongly suggest you get legal advice before disposing of any of his things. If the property is still jointly owned, then your exp may argue that legally he has a right to leave his possessions there.

Granville72 Mon 17-Feb-14 12:42:13

Yes men are people but many turn in to spineless idiots once there is another woman on the scene.

Louby keep hold of the emails he is sending you. If it turns nasty you may need them. It may also be sensible to let your solicitor know and maybe get them to send a letter to his solicitor saying you have requested he remove some belongings but has refused and you have therefore notified him it is in the garage and you will not be held liable for any loss or damage. Just cover your back in case he claims financial costs towards replacing it.

LtEveDallas Mon 17-Feb-14 12:39:26

Dear Twunt,

I am surprised that you have forwarded emails to your solicitor, won't that cost you more money in the long run? Never mind, that is none of my concern. If you want to give me your solicitors email I am more than happy to add him to the distribution list for any further contact we have.

Your personal belongings are still within the boundaries of the property. I am more concerned that your children will be missing their belongings and that as their father you would want to return their personal property. If that is not the case then please let me know and I will make other arrangements.

I have created a separate email account that will be used for our contact from now on, you may pass it to your solicitor. It is LoubyFreeAndLovingIt@hotmail.com

Yours

Louby

louby44 Mon 17-Feb-14 12:06:51

He's emailed me further. 'Be warned your emails have been forwarded to my solicitor...blah blah...your bully boy tactics won't work with me ....blah...blah.' There has only ever been one bully in this relationship and it certainly wasn't me!

Have told him am clearing stuff out in order to sell which is in BOTH of our interests. But now he has a new victim to bully and manipulate I and this house are forgotten!

It can sit in the garage and rot for all I care and his plant is dead already!

Logg1e Mon 17-Feb-14 11:54:23

Men are people too Gren.

Granville72 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:28:19

My exH did the same. I found he' set up somewhere else with another woman (so much so for the away with work crap) told him to leave and get out of my site and thankfully he did just that.

I put the house on the market (jointly owned) but he refused to come and help sort the loft or garage or collect any of his stuff. I boxed it up and put it in the garage and gave him a dead line to remove all his belongings.

Needless to say, he never came to take it, so I loaded the car up and took it to charity shops & the tip. His golf clubs and mountain bike I sold. I was left to clear the loft, garage and basically clear the house and deal with all that stuff myself.

It's no big deal, just get on with it. I'm rapidly coming to the opinion men are a waste of bleeding time full stop and it's a damn sight easier and quicker if you just do everything yourself.

RyanGoslingsSecretWife Mon 17-Feb-14 11:14:52

Just be glad to be well rid of him. Leave it where it is and ignore.

louby44 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:08:48

It's in the garage. It will be ruined soon with the damp and there are mice in there...chewing!

He may have a financial link to this house but it isn't his home anymore.

Logg1e Mon 17-Feb-14 11:00:00

What do other posters think about OP taking everything 'round to his and leaving it in the garden (with some friends)? I know there's the cost of time and effort, but I'd want it all out of my house.

LtEveDallas Mon 17-Feb-14 10:32:39

Just remind yourself, every single time, how LUCKY you are to be rid of this twunt.

...because you really, really are.

louby44 Mon 17-Feb-14 10:27:00

Reply from the dickhead

*For your information, not that it has got anything to do with you, we were busy this weekend!

You will leave my stuff where it is and anymore threats to remove anything that I own from the house will be forwarded onto my solicitor. The house is still in my name also, it seems you have conveniently forgotten that*

Hilarious that he has to tell me he was busy with his victim!!

Bedtime1 Mon 17-Feb-14 06:29:27

If he can't be bothered to answer his phone then I think you should sell them or take them to the charity shop. You can have the space back the. For your things.

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