Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I did this before but let's do it again today

(159 Posts)
Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 08:55:05

Things you have done or achieved since a break up to inspire anyone in a painful place.
Ill start.

Went on holiday abroad with just my dc,
Danced on a beach till dawn in Ibiza.
Lost three stone.
Had long dark hair cut into a blonde bob.
Had a lot of sex.
Reconnected with or made loads of lovely friends.
Drank beef in the bath.
Had weetabix for tea.
Went to lots of festivals with or without dc.
Laughed and laughed.
Traded in the family saloon for a golf convertible.
Got much closer to my children.

I could go on.
Share your stories to help others see there is life after heartbreak.

Elocampane Thu 09-Oct-14 19:29:56

Zombie thread resurrection - since the split in February we've sold our family house and I bought a little 3 bed semi last month, which I'm slowly decorating to my own taste, without having to consult re money or colour!


savemefromrickets Thu 06-Mar-14 17:29:57

Picked a new car
Went to the cash point knowing roughly how much money was left and not having a nasty shock
Realised I can live on my wages
Got a better job
Had books and toys out
Picked a lovely new DP
Had the sex I wanted to have
Smiled a lot

CurtWild Wed 05-Mar-14 20:56:46

It's only been ten days so mine's not as exciting..yet!
Moved back close to my family
Regained control of finances
Redecorated every room instead of the dreaded magnolia!
Felt more relaxed and calmer
DC's happier
Laughed more
Cried less
Eaten lots of cake
Made a lot of noise with DC's (he hated noise)
Changed tv channels
Turned the fire up
Ignored phone calls and questions regarding reconciliation
Remembered I'm actually quite fun and outgoing and not at all boring, as he had me believing
Discovered people actually don't hate me, something else he had me almost convinced of.

This is a lovely thread! I hope to add more thrilling things to this list as time goes on..I'm certainly looking forward to the nicer men and sizzling sex some of you have's been a while!

hoppityskip Wed 05-Mar-14 20:26:54

I've now been separated for 9 months and in that time I have:
Redecorated my bedroom (immediately!)
Got a promotion
Realised how amazing my female friends are and had lots of mid week drinking sessions putting the world to rights
Went on hol solo to dubai to see my friend who lives there
Sold the house and bought my own
Booked a hol for me and DD
Started online dating
Had sex with someone other than my husband!
Interestingly also seem to have more money to spend on myself than I ever did before!
Lost weight
Got fit

Thanks for this thread, was having a period of feeling crap and this has made me realise that I've actually done quite a lot in 9 months!

overitalready Fri 21-Feb-14 08:59:25

Bastard he was. However ive passed my driving test now so if I see him I can always just run him over wink

captainmummy Thu 20-Feb-14 21:57:19

Enlightenme - that's fab! Well done you. grin

Overit - sad what a terrible experience.Bastard.

enlightenmequick Thu 20-Feb-14 21:06:16


enlightenmequick Thu 20-Feb-14 21:05:33

I was thoroughly enjoying this thread until beachside popped up. Jeez.

If your at a party beachside and a group starts to laugh, do you go over and remind them that children are dying in Africa, or women are being killed in war zones?


I lost a ton of weight after I left my violent ex. (Which was mostly down to the fact that my nervous disposition -acquired a stutter, gave minimal eye contact, and got the shakes when meeting anyone new) had given me irritable bowel syndrome.

I danced around the house rather drunk, the 1st night I got my home back (had to flee with dd and 1 bag, 8 months previously)

I went back to University (without him) and got my PGCE.

Earned double what I had previously

Made some new friends.

Danced a hell of a lot grin even in the kitchen with dd

Had a fling with a toyboy

Had my one and only ons with a absolute hunk!

Had great holidays (had none with ex, in 9 years)

Swam with dolphins, snorkelled with manatees and hugged a sealion

Drove a speedboat and a dunebuggy

Rode a camel

And still have a million other things to try and fit in between being capable and non capable!

But my greatest achievement isn't all the things I've done, it's the change in me.

Ledkr Thu 20-Feb-14 20:38:57

I've been out for the day with dh and the dds.
It was a lovely day, we shared the preparation and driving.
We shared the grotty jobs like toilet runs and nose wiping.
He did not kick off because we got muddy.
He was not in a rush to get back so he could go out with his mates or see his girlfriend.
When OUR toddler played up in the cinema he helped and offered to go out with her then thanked me later for doing it.
We laughed and I didn't feel as if he was marking time, he was genuinely enjoying being with us.
We stopped for take away without him moaning about the cost then we unpacked bags and sorted kids together rather than being left to do it alone.

God I love that man and my oh so normal life smile

Elocampane Thu 20-Feb-14 17:49:06

so come on, give us some more positives, you lovely people who've come out the other side feeling good...

overitalready Thu 20-Feb-14 17:44:04

Beachside lets hope one day you don't get punched in the face over and over because you forgot to get milk and have to do a list of the things you proud of. Yes that was my life because he was a prize cunt not because I was fat.

Have My first biscuit as well.

DrJeanGrey Thu 20-Feb-14 17:29:48

I can't list a lot of new things I have done, but I most definitely realised I was with the wrong person.

Everything about my life revolved around him and his needs. I turned into a shadow of my former self.

Nowadays, I find myself feeling free, relaxed and ready to enjoy life without feeling like an accessory to someone else.

KingR0llo Thu 20-Feb-14 17:07:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elocampane Thu 20-Feb-14 16:38:42

I think it's really sad that such a hopeful, positive, supportive thread had been polluted by some posters.

in fact, Beachside, here's my first ever biscuit

KingR0llo Thu 20-Feb-14 16:23:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Am I the only one who's a couple of dress size bigger than when I was in a horrible marriage? blush

I had an amazing figure, looked fantastic and was bloody miserable.

I've now got a bit more padding, and dh says I look fantastic (he might be biased though), and have amazing sex a much better general outlook on everything.

I certainly didn't let myself go whilst married hmm

DollyTwat Thu 20-Feb-14 13:24:20

I wouldn't change for anyone now. I think that in my marriage I did change myself because my personality was assessed almost daily, I now know that's what ex does to everyone to make himself feel better

It's very hard to have the confidence to be who you are when someone else takes that confidence and beats you with it. That's why, I suspect, many of us enjoy having our old selves back and realise how much of ourselves we gave away

I like me, I am a bit loud sometimes, funny occasionally, kind, generous and I'm by no means perfect. But I have lots of friends so I'm enjoying life and am very fussy when it comes to boyfriends now

Ledkr Thu 20-Feb-14 09:38:40

No, just do all those things while you are married.

I'm remarried now and I'm so happy, I'm careful to keep my own sense of self and enjoy my life instead of just existing as part of a couple.

TheArticFunky Thu 20-Feb-14 09:25:26

Anyone else read this thread and think single life sounds fun I must leave my husband even though we are doing ok? Or is that just me then? blush

Firepile Wed 19-Feb-14 23:15:19

Minime is exactly right. I didn't feel lost in my relationship. My partner was not an abuser.

My achievements have been in building a life once the previous certainties were swept away. Like many others in the same situation, I was utterly bereft and could not have imagined the progress I've made since.

I am not sure what motivates someone to come and be so goady on a thread like this. sad

captainmummy Wed 19-Feb-14 11:07:42

That was aimed at Beachside, BTW. I got the same attitude from my toxic sister when I told her I was splitting from dh - I was selfish, should always put myself second, should give my dc 20 years... this from someone who kicked her dcs father out when they were 2 and 3! (and then took up with someone who had zero interest in them. Yes they are damaged, becuase they had 2 'parents' who couldn't give a toss about them)
It's not selfish to want more. It's not damaging to dc to have 2 happy, but seperate homes.

captainmummy Wed 19-Feb-14 08:37:30

Mini me - me too! I lost myself while bringing up 3 young dc whilst he was doing his high powered job, I wasn't allowed to take a language course (cos he'd have to take holiday to look after the DC alone) , couldn't go out much as he'd be late home most nights... He was not an abuser in any way, but I could not live like that. I gave it 18 years.
The point of this thread is not only:- there is life, fun, excitement after separation, but also that we CAN DO IT! we can buy a house on our own. Decorate it, do the diy. Do the childcare, get a job, study, arrange holidays... All at the same time.
Im glad your marriage is perfect and you get plenty of fun and you are lovely and slim and your children perfectly brought up. Not everyone is so happy. Lucky you.

morley19 Tue 18-Feb-14 23:01:02

Minime85 smile and everyone else, really nice to hear the positive thoughts

Mumsnet has certainly helped me. I was treated badly (again) a year or so again, I posted a while ago:

Whilst I manage to stay positive a hell of a lot of the time (in last year have bought a house, extended/renovated it etc) I am not ashamed to admit it's bloody hard sometimes isn't it girls?!

I try and remain positive, and appreciate you never know what's round the corner but sometimes the fact that I'm 45 this year, on my own again, never been married, will never bear a child, and still struggling with what happened a year ago just gets to me and I have bad days. And sometimes just having to put your 'oh congratulations, that's lovely news' face on for the constant stream of marriage, pregnancy, birth announcements is just so hard!

But anyway just wanted to say it's made me smile reading your positive posts on this thread


Elocampane Tue 18-Feb-14 22:57:38

I really appreciate the positives thanks again Ledkr

Ledkr Tue 18-Feb-14 22:50:03

Well I was with my xh for 18 yrs 4 kids one poorly and I had breast cancer too during the marriage.
So if I gained a little weight or stopped having loads of sex or good times then I'm guilty as charged.
Did I expect the man I'd given half my life and four kids to, who had sat with me through losing my breasts to not shag someone else and reject me then I made a big mistake but if make it again because life happens from time to time and its hard to maintain yourself through some of it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now