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I did this before but let's do it again today

(158 Posts)
Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 08:55:05

Things you have done or achieved since a break up to inspire anyone in a painful place.
Ill start.

Went on holiday abroad with just my dc,
Danced on a beach till dawn in Ibiza.
Lost three stone.
Had long dark hair cut into a blonde bob.
Had a lot of sex.
Reconnected with or made loads of lovely friends.
Drank beef in the bath.
Had weetabix for tea.
Went to lots of festivals with or without dc.
Laughed and laughed.
Traded in the family saloon for a golf convertible.
Got much closer to my children.

I could go on.
Share your stories to help others see there is life after heartbreak.

Drasticpark Wed 12-Feb-14 13:25:27

Started wearing make up again without being made to self conscious
Realised that I'm actually an ok human being
Changed my job
Went from size 14 to a 10/12
Bought my house and decorated
Got a rescue dog
Discovered my arse is not as fat as I was told it was
Stood naked in front of a mirror with a lovely man who told me how beautiful I was, stretch marks and saggy bits included
Shared a bath with aforementioned lovely man - never shared a bath before with anyone
Had (still having) huge fun with online dating
Stayed in lots of beautiful hotels
Fell in love (twice)
Holidayed with ds in the Caribbean
Cancelled Sky tv
Ate Parmesan without being moaned at
Realised that I deserved so much better and never to settle for second best again

Birdsofafeather Wed 12-Feb-14 13:44:46

Great thread. I went on an 18-30s h9oliday for a hen party, so not my thing but was amazing.

Have loads of fun.

Gained a lot of independence.

Have fun with girlie days with my dd.

Amazing sex (I notice a theme here)

And about to embark on internet dating, which I'm nervous but excited for!

Shineywhiney Wed 12-Feb-14 13:51:31

Mine is only a short list as we separated only 2 months ago, but I am being positive:

Booked a weeks caravan holiday for me and my two small DC for spring
Held my head up and confidently walked into a garage as my car needed some work doing- always felt very intimidated by mechanics for some reason and so had always left this for STBXH to deal with. Got it sorted no problem (sounds so daft but was such a big worry in my head!)
Ditto calling in a builder to fix a leak
Changed my house around a bit, new pictures up, new cushions and new bedding
Am planning a new kitchen
Doing the freedom programme- a massive step forward for me in acknowledging all the EA he put me through and starting to get my head straight
Having friends over for dinner- have discovered I am a good cook, I always used to get criticism from my twat STBXH

Small steps but its a start. Very inspiring reading everyone's achievements

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 12-Feb-14 14:14:58

Made loads and loads of new friends
(was isolated before)

Danced. So much carefree dancing!
(did not go out before)

Got a dog, who is a joy and a love.
(pets were banned by ex)

Bought and cooked and ate lots of delicious meat.
(ex is veggie)

Realised just how much I could achieve by myself, from DIY around the house to solo adventures in the wilds with just my tent and my dog.

Started seeing myself as other (sane, kind) people see me. Apparently I'm pretty awesome! wink

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 12-Feb-14 14:18:38

This is a great thread. I love everyone's contributions.

justgivein Wed 12-Feb-14 14:21:29

Mates dragged me down the pub to drown my sorrows,clocked this wondrous brunette in the corner playing pool,let her win not easy am very competitive,the rest is history my wonderful wife.

gingermop Wed 12-Feb-14 14:39:56

learnt im not actually stupid and useless and to love myself again!
thats the greatest thing amongst a few others

Brilliant idea - especially as I have even more to add since last time smile

It started small - I bought some wellies with jellybeans on, because I liked them.
I hung up on his mother shock grin
Smoked, because I always liked it secretly.
Had a FWB! shock blush
Met and made friends with lots of awesome people when I got out and was able to see people.
Breastfed DS until he stopped by himself.
Got my hair cut short.
Took DS on holiday on the train, by myself.
Went to London on the train by myself. Arranged the childcare and did it, didn't have to justify or explain to anybody.
Took DS on a feminist march in London, by myself grin
Helped out women who were victims of DV/EA, by donating stuff and also by letting my friend stay for a few nights when she left her ex. XP would not have been sympathetic or supportive even when we actually had a spare room - friend slept on my sofa!
Met and dated DH who is totally different to XP, calm, patient, kind, supportive.
Travelled abroad on my own.
Travelled abroad with DS.
Moved to another country.
Trained as a teacher smile
Got married to aforementioned lovely man.

I have also changed in personal ways - am better at keeping on top of house stuff, own mood - FAR less likely to go into the "I'm so shit" cycle and when I do I can interrupt it more successfully. It does still get me because it's an arse but I'm better at managing it now. I'm more assertive, better at parenting (which could be just experience but I think it was harder with him insisting the opposite of everything I said)

HolgerDanske Wed 12-Feb-14 15:22:30

So much happiness in this thread.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 12-Feb-14 15:25:36

Fabulous thread. With a beefy sex theme wink

FolkGirl Wed 12-Feb-14 15:35:51

Ooh thought of some more...

sang solo on stage at somewhere reasonably impressive
sang solo on a different stage whilst accompanying myself on guitar
recorded a CD with a band
always wear matching underwear
quite often wear matching silk underwear
took the children away on my own. Might not sound like much but when my exH found out, he found 3 different reasons that meant I wouldn't be capable of it because "you know what you're like..."

captainmummy Wed 12-Feb-14 15:42:44

Oo-er, BOOP! Didn't think of that... grin

am keeping this thread, Ledkr, and willl link it to every poor broken-down, left-for-OW woman's thread I'm on!

Chyochan Wed 12-Feb-14 15:50:29

Grew my toenails really long, dont know why I wanted to, but I just did.

Also knowing how appalled he would be by this, for some reason, made me laugh my ass off grin

Elocampane Wed 12-Feb-14 15:57:24

on the brink of separation, it's heartening to see there is light and happiness in the future.

thanks for the thread!

Elo, there really is.

If I'd known then that all this happiness was possible, and that making do with what I had was a huge waste of time, I would have left so much sooner.

I spent years waiting to live.

Now I just live life.

Also had a FWB for a while. It was great and honest and confidence boosting without any of the pressures of a relationship. I wouldn't do it now. But I know I needed to go a bit mad for a while.

This is a great thread. I hope it keeps going and going until it is hundreds of pages long.

Pippinlongsocks Wed 12-Feb-14 17:27:32

Bought a gorgeous brand new house
Bought a fab new car that is MY choice and not his
About to get a cat which will make my DS soooo happy as he has always wanted one
Had a laugh more times in one week than I was having in a month of Sundays around ExH
Slept on the sofa whenever I wanted without getting moaned at
Devised a budget and realised I was no longer investing in the local boozer and could afford stuff
Booked a holiday for me and DS
Just felt so HAPPY I couldn't believe it

FolkGirl Wed 12-Feb-14 17:32:34

Make sure my nails are always nice
Wear make up

Was always too down and felt too bad about myself to bother about it before.

I agree with FuckYou. If I'd known I was going to be this happy and I would do so much and have so much fun, I'd have left years ago rather than waiting for him to have an affair to justify it!

I mean there are times when I'm down, or bored, or alone, or lonely... but at least I'm only those things. I'm not those things and desperately sad at the same time.

FolkGirl Wed 12-Feb-14 17:33:19

Spent the first year walking on air feeling like I was bouncing along with sheer joy and elation and felt full of hope for the future!

Minime85 Wed 12-Feb-14 17:39:17

love this thread. mine are very small so far but this thread makes me think I should just go for it. thank you for starting this thread, what a lovely op x

Ledkr Wed 12-Feb-14 19:07:20

Thank you so much for all your great posts, I hope they really help other people who are in those painful daunting early stages.

akawisey Wed 12-Feb-14 19:52:49

Got a much better job.
Landscaped the garden (always his domain)
Got rid of the bloody fish pond (see above)
Sold the house
Bought another one (MINE)
Went on holiday to Italy ON MY OWN
Lost weight
Stopped drinking
Learned guitar
Joined a women's group
Grew my hair
Bought lots of 'fuck-you' stiletto shoes
Bought some art
Bought a drill and used it

Just - loads of stuff that I'd never have done in my previous life. These are the things that make me happy.

Isabeller Wed 12-Feb-14 20:14:20

you are so inspirational flowers

Hahaha Chyo - those are the best kind of achievements grin Just because it makes you realise how ridiculous they were for caring smile

KouignAmann Wed 12-Feb-14 21:32:51

Since I became single again I have

Bought three new bikes and got fit enough to ride 100 miles
Learned to give amazing blow jobs
Sailed to Scotland and back
Paid all my bills and supported my DC at Uni with no debts
Expanded my business by 25 percent and increased profits and job satisfaction.
Met a lovely man I want to spend the rest of my life with
Become a chilled happy person without a temper
Wooo! Go me!

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