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Found out dp is on the sex offenders register

(300 Posts)

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mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:37:46

Please be kind as this has only come out today and I think I'm in shock.
Have posted before about dp that I have been with for a few months. Am smitten with him and we have been very happy.
However my friend googled him and found that he was convicted of having a relationship with a pupil and was dismissed as a teacher.
She was 15 and pursued him according to the judgement and it only got as far as some kissing and cuddling.
I can't believe this and as I have two teenage daughters am in turmoil. He doesn't know I know.
He's been great with my family and as this was few years ago must have been out of trouble since.
I've no idea who knows.
Help!!

Flowerybitch Mon 10-Feb-14 21:40:10

Do you know it's definitely him? If so be open with him and ask him..

Littlefish Mon 10-Feb-14 21:41:14

Do you have children? How old are they?

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:41:26

Yes it's defo him seen photos

NatashaBee Mon 10-Feb-14 21:42:04

So you've been together a few months and he hasn't told you anything about a significant event in his life? That alone would be a deal breaker for me, since he must have actively lied to cover up the fact he was previously a teacher. Are you sure your friend has the right person?

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:42:45

Yes two older teenager girls. He didn't know that when we met and has had other relationships with single mothers with no issues

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 10-Feb-14 21:43:49

Why did your friend google him? Did she have suspicisions?

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:43:53

He told me about being a teacher but obv would have been difficult to tell me what happened

Littlefish Mon 10-Feb-14 21:44:01

Sorry -just read that you have teenage daughters.

I could not continue in a relationship with someone who had abused a child. Whether or not it was just kissing and cuddling, he was in a position of power and trust, and he chose to abuse that.

Rosa Mon 10-Feb-14 21:44:03

If its true then I would ask him outright . Especially as you ahve teen age daughters I would get this out in the open and quick.

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 10-Feb-14 21:44:43

How do you know his previous relationships had no issues?

How old is dp, what age was he at the time it happened?
Sorry you are going thro this

Catsmamma Mon 10-Feb-14 21:44:57

well, at best he has exercised very poor judgement with his previous relationship and at worst he has singled you out because of your two dds

Cabrinha Mon 10-Feb-14 21:45:01

How awful for you.
Assuming it is him - unusual name? - then your decision is simple though.
Please ignore anything about the child pursuing him. That's why the law exists as it does - to protect children from themselves and adults. Because adults have to know better, especially those in a trusted position. Children can pursue all they like, they should get nowhere.

I'm sorry, that must be such a huge shock sad

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:46:09

I'm just so torn as he's been punished and feel that someone should be allowed to make a mistake.
Friend was googling to find him as he has a business

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:47:05

He's 44 it was four years ago

phoolani Mon 10-Feb-14 21:47:24

Alarm bells would ring for me immediately, I'm afraid. You have two teenage daughters and you're smitten with a man who abused his position of trust with a teenage girl? I wouldn't have it out with him so much as throw him out. Too big a thing to hide, given all the circumstances.

WinterDrawsOff Mon 10-Feb-14 21:47:55

How long is he on the register for? If he is being monitored, he has to register with the local police. The police will do unannounced home visits and they will ask him questions about you and your children. Social Services will be advised if the police think your children are at risk.

Cabrinha Mon 10-Feb-14 21:48:22

Catsmamma I don't think it's right to call a teacher kissing a teenage child a "previous relationship".

tribpot Mon 10-Feb-14 21:48:48

A 'mistake' that leads you to be on the sex offenders' register? The register exists for a reason.

He has had 'other' relationships with single mothers ... has he had any relationships with non-mothers?

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:48:58

I think five years so not much longer

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:49:41

Yes last gf had no children

WinterDrawsOff Mon 10-Feb-14 21:50:03

Remember, some sex offenders target single mothers to gain access to their next victims.

kentishgirl Mon 10-Feb-14 21:51:05

It's not a mistake. He decided to get physical with an underage pupil.

We all know what 15 year old girls are like. Boy, there were a couple of hot teachers at school that we all used to try to flirt with and we'd have LOVED to have got some 'special attention' from them. Being professional teachers, they completely ignored it and were careful not to get into the wrong sort of situation with any of us that could be misconstrued.

He failed as a teacher with responsibility for the welfare of teenage girls. He failed as an adult man - girls do flirt, normal men ignore it.

mrscoleridge Mon 10-Feb-14 21:51:22

I know that's why I'm being cautious
No strange behaviour with kids at all

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