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dh watching porn?????!

(26 Posts)
reyhansmummy Mon 10-Feb-14 18:27:21

hi ladies,

i recently went on the laptop and it was on private browsing and its only my husband that goes on, I'm wondering what he could be doing on it that he is hiding (obviously hiding from me because I'm the only other person that goes on the laptop) and it makes me feel he is being sly and my only thoughts are he was watching porn as he was on his own in hotel room with laptop for the night. this makes me feel really insecure / not want to do anything with him again, and sick. am i normal for feeling this way? why would any women want her man mastrubating over other naked women? makes me feel not good enough. am i over reacting?

Custardo Mon 10-Feb-14 18:29:11

everyone has different views on this

I would say to remember, that he loves you as a person, he is watching a fantasy - the competition which you ensiage exists does not exist,

however, if it does bother you that much, then - as he loves you he should understand this and stop

HedgeHogGroup Mon 10-Feb-14 18:29:24

Maybe he was buying you a gift & didn't want you to know!

You don't even know that he was watching porn, so your bout of insecurity and nausea is a little bit premature.

Have you ever discussed porn with your husband? If you dislike it, you are of course entitled to your opinion, but if you want him to avoid porn you need to explain your viewpoint to him.

reyhansmummy Mon 10-Feb-14 18:38:08

he was not buying a gift for me this was a few weeks ago and i have received no gift and i do know he was I'm not stupid he's in a hotel on his own for 3 days and the laptop comes back on private browsing? I'm not stupid, but thanks for replies

Bowlersarm Mon 10-Feb-14 18:43:29

Aren't you jumping to conclusions there? There are a lot of things people look at on the Internet. Most of which aren't looking at porn.

Why don't you talk to him about it? I doubt he'll be too chuffed if he thinks you're spying on him, though.

reyhansmummy Mon 10-Feb-14 18:45:53

im not spying on him its our laptop, i just clicked on internet n it said private in corner. and i just know he was!

picnicbasketcase Mon 10-Feb-14 18:48:41

He might have been browsing for a present for you for Valentines Day... Or watching porn. If the latter, is he aware that you are strongly opposed to it? Because obviously it is a big problem if he knows and is hiding it for that reason.

reyhansmummy Mon 10-Feb-14 18:51:57

it wasn't for v day as he asked if there was anything i wanted last night as he hasn't got me anything yet. n we've never spoken about porn before but he knows i would disapprove

DangerMoose Mon 10-Feb-14 18:54:36

Have you tried asking him?

reyhansmummy Mon 10-Feb-14 18:57:28

i asked what he was doing he said nothing. which makes me even more suspicious and then said he don't know how it got on there, but u have to go in to it on settings then accept something that pops up saying 'are u sure u want to turn it on' so i know he's lying, he never admits to anything anyway. every time I've found something out with solid evidence he's always lied and denied

Bowlersarm Mon 10-Feb-14 18:58:02

If you've never spoken to him about porn, how does he know you'll disapprove?

You are just making a huge assumption, which may or may not be right.

Talk to him!

Bowlersarm Mon 10-Feb-14 19:00:54

Oh x post.

Well then you need to talk to him about how you dislike porn, so he is 100% clear on the issue. If it is a deal breaker for you, tell him. Then he can make a conscious decision to use it or not, and the outcome would be to lose you if you discovered he was.

Offred Mon 10-Feb-14 19:08:37

Yes, I agree. He may well have been watching porn, or not. There's a million reasons why someone might turn on private browsing, porn they know their partner won't like them watching is one of them.

You do need to have a proper discussion with him about your feelings about porn so that he understands. I don't think at all that porn should be the standard expectation and that people should have to explain they object to it but I do recognise that it is relatively normal for people to watch it and because I have strong feelings about it and don't want it to ruin my relationships I do make my feelings about it very clear to partners.

When you've had a proper discussion you will be able to take it from there.

AnyFucker Germany Mon 10-Feb-14 19:19:40

Why are you with a habitual liar ? confused

FastLoris Mon 10-Feb-14 22:42:27

TBH I use private browsing for all kinds of things that aren't porn. Say for example I want information about something that's concerning me about my kids, but that I want to carefully turn over in my mind over a period of time before bringing it up (or deciding it doesn't need to be brought up). I won't want one of them going on and seeing "risk factors of teen suicide" or whatever staring them in the face.

It could have been anything. But yeah, it could also have been porn. If you suspects he watches it and it's a problem for you, you probably need to bring it up.

Bear in mind though a lot of men lie about porn.

Joules68 Mon 10-Feb-14 22:46:56

He's a adult and can make his own choices about what he views.... If you object then he should do it discreetly

Daddyofone Mon 10-Feb-14 23:02:50

If he's been his laptop doing something 'private' and not turned it back to 'public' he's pretty careless.

If you have concerns, and he's up to no good, it sounds like he's very likely to be equally careless.

I'm not saying he is, but hypothetically if he is up to no good, play the waiting game and undoubtably he'll slip up again.

But if it's porn it comes down to wether or not he knows you're against it. A man watching porn in his hotel room whilst away for 3 days doesn't equate to him not loving his wife.

GinSoakedBitchyPony Mon 10-Feb-14 23:41:23

Didnt we have this same thread just a few days ago? confused
Or are we just getting loads and loads on the same theme lately?

Xoticdreamz Mon 10-Feb-14 23:45:57

I quite enjoy watching some porn when I can ever get the house to myself ( never ! )
Nowt to do with my husband as far as I am concerned .
It's perhaps not nice to imagine your partner getting off on something other than you but reality and fantasy are very different things so I would try not to analyse it as much .

GinSoakedBitchyPony Mon 10-Feb-14 23:46:04

OP, I knew I recognised this. It's bad form to refer to previous threads that have been posted at MN but in this case, I think it's called for.

Someone asked you on the other thread what you meant by 'past form' and you didn't reply, can you explain that now, it may help people give you more appropriate replies that may be helpful.

prh47bridge Tue 11-Feb-14 00:37:19

but u have to go in to it on settings then accept something that pops up saying 'are u sure u want to turn it on'

I'm confused. I don't know any browser that behaves like that. It depends on the browser but mostly setting up private browsing by default involves a command line option. The obvious exception is Firefox but that simply involves setting an option. There is no "are you sure" dialog (at least, not in the current version).

On the other hand if he simply had the browser open in private mode that is usually just an option with no "are you sure" dialog.

For what it is worth some people use private mode for security reasons - it is a little safer than normal browsing.

However, if we assume he is watching porn, as a man who does occasionally watch porn myself I have to say that I do not regard it as in any way an alternative to or in competition with my wife. I certainly don't compare her with the women I see in porn. And even if I did I'd rather have her. She is real. She loves me. I love her.

pettybetty Tue 11-Feb-14 01:34:15

Would you be happy for your husband to see everything you look at and post online? What about this thread?

Maybe he also goes on forums to discuss your relationship or to get advice? There are a few which I've come across that seem to be predominantly for men, and maybe your oh makes up part of that demographic.

I have a guest account on my computer that anyone can use, one that my husband and I can use, and one that only I can access that I use to post on, so that no one else can see my browsing/posting history.

I've never kept a diary, but I feel my posting history and browsing history make a sort of diary and I would feel violated if anyone snooped. So maybe it has nothing to do with porn? Just he likes to keep some things private.

cafecito Tue 11-Feb-14 01:46:35

you sound very insecure....why?

TheVictorian Tue 11-Feb-14 02:25:51

He could be using private browsing for security reasons.

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