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Did my husband cheat or what was his intentions?

(54 Posts)
Dinah1 Mon 10-Feb-14 14:44:24

Iv never did this before but i feel i really need advice as i dont know who to turn to! iv been with my husband nearly 15 years and married for 8 with 2 sons, I'm 32 and my husband is 43. We decided to have his family over for a night out..his 2 nephews 18 and 19 (his brothers sons) along with his niece aged 28 (who isn't his brothers daughter but he brought her up for 20 years) anyways we all went out and had good night and ended up going back to ours for a few drinks afterward, my husbands niece (who isn't blood related to him) got really sick and her younger brother looked after her and made sure she was ok and then I told him to put her in my bed so she could have a sleep so he did that and came back down stairs. About half an hour or so after he did this my husband said he would go to check on her and failed to return back downstairs, I sat for about an hour chatting with my nephews when I decided to go to bed and to my horror i saw my husband in our bed under the covers with her but both looked as if they were sleeping (or were they? Maybe the heard me coming up the stairs) I automatically thought that this was very inappropriate that both of them were in the same bed so i went into my sons room and lay on his bed with all sorts racing through my mind then shorly after I heard her get out my bed and go downstairs so I went through to my room where my husband was lying with his jeans undone ( they wernt down but the button and zip was undone) I confronted both of them and they deny that anything happened..! But previous to this on a holiday the year before I overheard him tell her she was good looking and if she wasn't a family member that he could of quite easily have gotten with her "he told her this as she cried over the broken ralationship to the father of her children ended" so was he saying this to make her feel better about herself or is there more to it after them ending up in the same bed? She is insisting she woke up in bed with him beside her and she left the room as soon as she saw him but she tried to say the next morning that she wasnt in bed with him at all and now shes changed her story when i said i saw with my own eyes! so maybe nothing happened and she did leave as soon as she saw him then then i think well what was his intensions for getting into the same bed and undoing his zip and button? i feel betrayed, heartbroken and don't know what to do next!

Jan45 Mon 10-Feb-14 14:59:38

Sorry but I would think something for sure happened, I can't believe how calm you appear about the whole thing.

Overthinkerzzz Mon 10-Feb-14 15:00:29

Firstly, she was in bed first. It was your husband that joined her and given her drunken state - if they had had sex it is very likely it wasn't consentual if she was hammered.

I would be having a firm old chat with him and ensuring she is ok

Neitheronethingortheother Mon 10-Feb-14 15:07:01

She was in your bed, sick, drunk and unwell. Why on earth would your dh think it was ok to get into bed with her? What was he thinking? Did he say why he got into bed with her? The fact he had his trousers undone points to the fact that he had intention. Maybe she got up because she felt uncomfortable when she realised he was in bed next to her. Would they be that brazen to have sex in your bed with you downstairs. Was your dh very drunk too?

Honeysweet Mon 10-Feb-14 15:07:32

I wouldnt automatically believe a word she said.
I personally wouldnt take too much notice of what you heard your husband say to her last year.

As for what did or didnt happen last night. That is a different matter entirely. It doesnt look good tbh.

Twinklestein Mon 10-Feb-14 15:15:00

I feel extremely sorry for you and the niece. There's no indication that she was a willing participant in this. Your husband may have just got into bed with her and undone his flies. Ugh.

Does he normally tell women he 'could quite easily have gotten with' them?

MiniTheMinx Mon 10-Feb-14 15:22:46

She was drunk and she was asleep when he got into the bed, she then got out when she woke up and realised, you know that because you heard her get up and you know she was drunk and sleeping. So who is at fault here? who is guilty of anything? your husband is a creep, sorry. I wouldn't trust him with a cat let alone around other women.

clam Mon 10-Feb-14 15:26:51

Sorry to be blunt, but your husband sounds a right sleaze-ball.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Mon 10-Feb-14 15:28:20

Your husband's behaviour is very disturbing. If he had gone to a woman who was drunk and insensible and done anything to her, he would be in big trouble!

aw11 Mon 10-Feb-14 15:43:18

This is very bizarre! Why on earth would he do that when you were downstairs?

WarmFuzzyFuture Mon 10-Feb-14 15:49:47

Very strange. Your husband got into bed with another woman, and undid his jeans confused. He has serious boundary issues. I would be very unhappy with his behaviour, what possessed him to climb into bed with a drunk woman?

What has he said with regard to his behaviour? Very odd.

WhoNickedMyName Mon 10-Feb-14 15:50:38

Urgh - what an utter fucking sleaze.

He went and got into bed with drunk, passed out woman, and at the very least undid his jeans. He's lucky he's not facing accusations of some kind of assault.

Fudgeface123 Mon 10-Feb-14 15:54:50

Ew, you're never going to get a reasonable explanation....I'd be hot-footing it out of there, who knows what he's been up to.

I actually feel quite sick, he could've done anything and she could be too scared to tell or doesn't remember if anything happened.

Mishmashfamily Mon 10-Feb-14 15:59:55

op hope you ok. This makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I agree with other posters, he knew what he was doing.

IshouldhavemarriedEwanMcGregor Mon 10-Feb-14 16:15:23

Of course 'something happened' and if she was in that kind of state I agree it was unlikely to have been consensual.

Even if she went along with it she wasn't in any fit state to consent by the sounds of it.

You won't ever get the truth from him though.

I really don't know what to say other than I'll bet my life this is just scratching the surface of what a wanker he is..Why don't you tell us about your relationship?

chateauferret Mon 10-Feb-14 16:20:12

She may well be innocent but he is clearly a twat of high order and his excuse is utterly implausible. Seldom have I heard such bullshit. I'd kick his arse out.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 10-Feb-14 16:29:45

Your H crossed boundaries OP the moment he climbed into bed with a single woman - not a blood relative but someone who's been brought up as his niece. In addition one who was inebriated. It was a deeply inappropriate thing to do, so whether or not anything physical happened, he was out of line.

Dinah1 Mon 10-Feb-14 16:52:58

Yes he doesn't seem to see what the problem is that iv got with him doing this, he seems to think it was all appropriate it would have been different if it was a non family member (which i dont agree, he should never have been in the same bed with anybody else apart from myself!!!) and yes he was drunk aswel..said he lay down and fell asleep and he doesn't know why the zip and button was undone!

firesidechat Mon 10-Feb-14 16:54:42

So your niece was put to sleep in your bed in a drunken state, your husband went to check on her and you didn't check up on him for an hour. Is that right?

When you found them together, you said nothing, but went to another room to think. Really?

I'm astonished.

IshouldhavemarriedEwanMcGregor Mon 10-Feb-14 16:56:43

He is lying.

What are you going to do next? What do you want to do?

This isn't the only time he's behaved inappropriately or lied or made you suspicious is it?

Dinah1 Mon 10-Feb-14 17:04:17

I didn't say anything to begin with because I was shocked and my 2 sons were in the next room as my mum was babysitting and left when we came home so I lay down to try a figure out the best way to go about it without upsetting my children..I always put them first and with the temper I felt inside me if I would have gone ballistic which would have woke them up and caused even more upset!

Dinah1 Mon 10-Feb-14 17:07:45

..and the plan was for me to sleep with her and my husband was supposed to bunk up with one of my sons so I thought he had went into bed with my son when he didn't return..never in a million years did it cross my mind that I would find him in the same bed with her when I went upstairs!

GlitzAndGiggles Mon 10-Feb-14 17:12:52

If he knew she was in there he could've gone to one of your sons bedrooms surely? He sounds creepy. Hope you're doing well op

Mishmashfamily Mon 10-Feb-14 17:17:43

What saddens me is that he was up there for over an hour before you came up. He could have been molesting her.

firesidechat Mon 10-Feb-14 17:20:56

It's all very admirable to put your sons first, but what about your niece? Someone who was throwing up and needing to be put to bed would have been in a very vulnerable state. What about her safety and well being?

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