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To want to pack up and leave everything and everyone behind

(33 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 11:42:41

I hate where I live
I have no life here
I moved here on promises which were not kept.
Exh does not wish to see kids but uses his contact details to control me still. He doesn't contribute in anyway not even birthdays and Christmas. He uses his contact to tell me how depressed and suicidal he is, and pester me.

While he doesn't know where we live He knows where all my family live.

I can't cope like this anymore, its making me ill , dd is about to move to next stage of school and I realise once she's started i will be trapped here for seven years and it scares the shit out of me.

If i move he would never know, he doesn't have our address just knows town.
He's not likely to want contact he uses the possibility he may want to one day as control.
If i move away i wouldn't have to look over my shoulder or avoid places I case i bump into people he knows, I could have a life.

I find myself wishing away the kids years so i don't have to have any contact.

If i don't give my parents my address then they can't be pressured to give it.

flippinada Mon 10-Feb-14 18:58:09

Well, he has your details now, doesn't he? When was the last time he saw his children, or made arrangements to see them?

There is your answer.

OTOH if you absolutely don't want to cut contact then direct the emails into a folder which you or a trusted third party only check occasionally. Respond only to emails which are about contact or arranging contact. You aren't required to read him going on about whatever he does.

If he contacts you and says he is suicidal and threatens to carry it out, and you know where he is, call the police/ambulance.

I'm wondering if there's something else going on for him to have such a hold over you, as there's nothing in the OP that suggests he's anything other than a whiney PITA. Obviously you don't need to answer me but if there is (such as DV) then maybe worth involving the police and/or speak to WA for advice.

Best of luck - you don't need to live your life feeling downtrodden by this when it could easily be resolved.

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 19:12:23

He last saw dc in 2010, he asked to see them last year but made no arrangements to.

Yes without going into details history of DV , EA etc.

flippinada Mon 10-Feb-14 19:19:15

In that case I would definitely speak to WA for advice and/or the police.

I can entirely understand why you be fearful of him when there is DV/EA involved, I have been there.

flippinada Mon 10-Feb-14 19:21:11

Also, it may be worth asking MNHQ if you can get this moved to Relationships (although that's up to you) as there are a lot of experienced posters on there who have been there too and can help out.

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 19:33:21

Thanks have asked for it to be moved, contacted WA, wish I had reported it at the time, stupid but I needed to just get away.

flippinada Mon 10-Feb-14 19:45:35

Entirely understandable. Glad you've got in touch with WA. It often feels like these awful men are omnipotent...they aren't.

DawnMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 10-Feb-14 20:58:46

Hi all,

We'll shortly be moving this thread to our Relationships topic, at the OP's request. Thanks to everyone who has contributed so far.

flippinada Mon 10-Feb-14 21:24:51

Good luck life - I'll keep an eye out. Think of this thread as being the first step towards getting out from under the thumb smile.

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