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To want to pack up and leave everything and everyone behind

(33 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 11:42:41

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lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 11:49:57

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piratecat Mon 10-Feb-14 11:53:40

if you want to do it do it before dd moves schools. wish i had.

mumblechum1 Mon 10-Feb-14 12:01:21

What's stopping you? Is your job the type you can do anywhere? If so, get your CV polished up and start applying elsewhere in the country. Once you have your work sorted, you can find a rental property whilst you sell your current house.

I've relocated umpteen times with dh's job and once you get the ball rolling things have a habit of falling into place :-). Just make sure you stay within the jurisdiction of the court, you can't move abroad without consent of the father.

SuitedandBooted Mon 10-Feb-14 12:03:08

So he does not see the children, contributes nothing, and does not know where you currently live?
MOVE!!! And keep it quiet. Life is too short to spend it permanently stressed and anxious.
New Year, and new start, the rest of your life begins now.
thanks
xx

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 12:08:41

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lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 12:11:33

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3littlefrogs Mon 10-Feb-14 12:15:30

Honestly, in your shoes I would move now and sort out the rest later.
I am sure it would be possible to sort out your parents' phone to block him, and if he comes round tell them to call the police.
You can arrange meet ups and/or visits to your parents once you have moved.
Your DC need you to be happy and healthy.
You can use a PO box for mail.
Your parents' generation are comfortable with cards and letters, these can be posted from time to time well away from where you live.
It is no different than it would be if you lived abroad.

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 12:31:09

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NoodleOodle Mon 10-Feb-14 12:53:38

From what you've written, a move sounds worth it. You should feel free to walk around the area you live without having to look over your shoulder and feeling anxious. You can usually talk to a solicitor for an initial chat for free to find out where you stand legally, or contact the CAB, but I don't think there'll be any legal reason why you can't move as if there were something in place to stop you, you would already know about it wouldn't you?

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 13:07:13

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Littleen Mon 10-Feb-14 13:08:29

Take your kids and leave, honestly. You will feel so much better for it, and a happy parent is what children needs to be happy also.

3littlefrogs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:09:00

How does he usually contact you?
If it is email or via mobile there is no reason he should ever know you have moved.

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 13:11:32

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Pigsmummy Mon 10-Feb-14 13:15:37

Use a PO box for mail, redirecting post from where you a now to that. You could still visit your family? Not at your parents house maybe if he turns up there but somewhere else? You don't have to give them your address if you don't want to?

Do it before school change, Good luck, if he is contacting you via email then don't read them, leave them unread (don't delete) if he is is sending you texts can you afford a new mobile, keep that one in a drawer?

3littlefrogs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:16:09

One tip I have seen often on here is to buy a cheap PAYG phone, put your SIM into that, then get a new regular phone/number. Put the one with the number he has into a drawer and check it once a week.

You need to move, for you and your DC. You all deserve a peaceful life.

3littlefrogs Mon 10-Feb-14 13:17:31

Yes - you can have a mail forwarding service for a year at a time - just ask the post office to arrange it. You have to update it every year though.

mumblechum1 Mon 10-Feb-14 13:21:22

As 3littlefrogs says, if he only contacts you by email and mobile you could be anywhere in the world and he'd be none the wiser.

As I mentioned upthread, don't move outside England & Wales if that is where you are now (or Scotland if you're there).

Sounds like moving would be a good idea.

However, I don't understand how he is still keeping such a hold over you? You shouldn't be having to get any messages from him unless it was directly related to the children, and it sounds like this could well be classed as harassment.

I would suggest speaking to Womens' Aid, and/or asking about this on the Relationships board where I'm sure there will be people with relevant experience, as I'm sure there must be ways to get him more fully out of your life.

Good luck!

SlimJiminy Mon 10-Feb-14 13:46:34

No question about it - go for it!

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 14:21:08

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3littlefrogs Mon 10-Feb-14 15:12:32

If the message has nothing to do with the children just ignore. What is he going to do? He isn't going to want the possibility of having to pay maintenance, so is unlikely to make too much fuss.

maddening Mon 10-Feb-14 16:00:38

Would your dps go with you?

flippinada Mon 10-Feb-14 16:58:11

Apologies if I've missed something here, but is there a reason why you can't simply block his emails and phone number?

That's not meant to sound blamey - I'm just wondering if you feel like you "have" to deal with his communications - because you absolutely don't.

lifeforsale Mon 10-Feb-14 18:04:56

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