Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What do you do in a relationship?

(17 Posts)
ShineyBlackShoes Sun 09-Feb-14 15:51:28

My marriage ended over 13 years ago and I last had a relationship over 8 years ago. Now my DCs are almost grown and gone, I have been pondering whether I should get out an try dating.

However, I am so used to life alone, I wonder if there is any point. There are only a few things I don't do because I'm alone (after so long as a lone parent I don't have many friends), such as going to a show. I don't have much money so rarely go to the cinema and can't afford a holiday anyway. My work is stupidly demanding so I don't get a huge amount of spare time.

So, apart from sex, what would be the point of a relationship? I'm not too far off 50 so 'old dog' may well apply ;0)

Honeysweet Sun 09-Feb-14 15:52:45

Talk.

Cuddles. Someone to hold when you wake at 3am. Someone to look after, and likewise to look after you

Sigh. I hate being single sad

TeenyW123 Sun 09-Feb-14 15:54:06

Do fun stuff.

Val007 Sun 09-Feb-14 15:59:50

First, sex is a huge thing an enourmous reason in its own!

Then there is love, company, pooled finances will probably make holidays affordable etc etc.

Don't be scared! What are you waiting for? ;)

MeganBacon Sun 09-Feb-14 16:26:58

Love, understanding, sex, companionship. Looking after someone and having him there to fall back on when life gets just too much. I too was alone forever and got used to it, didn't feel anything was missing really, and allowed myself to be persuaded when I was 50 - my life is so much less stressful and happier with someone to love and share with.

Birdsofafeather Sun 09-Feb-14 16:50:46

I read an article that said that life is more fun when you have someone to share it with and i agree with it. Yes I'm single and live with my dd, I now love the space that I have, but I would love to have the companionship that a relationship provides. Someone who cares for me, will give me snuggles, and who can help me take on the world. Plus of course, sex. You get the best sex in a relationship wink

ShineyBlackShoes Sun 09-Feb-14 21:09:20

Good job I'm happy alone really as a relationship won't head my way anytime soon.

Talk I'm fine without as I get that at work, love and sex I have learnt to live without, cuddles I miss and having someone to help me would be lovely but I very self-sufficient.

Doesn't look like I'm missing all that much really: cuddles and maybe I'll get those if I ever become a granny ;0)

LyndaCartersBigPants Tue 11-Feb-14 13:00:10

DP have a few tv series that we enjoy. I find that I enjoy episodes more if we watch them together rather than on the nights we're apart. It's that shared experience, talking about what happened and discussing the issues together.

I enjoy eating with him too, he is very appreciative of the food I make and he cooks for me too.

Obviously sex is a major thing too, but even without that, I love having someone to laugh with, someone to send a message during the day just to say "thinking of you x" and someone to snuggle up with when it's cold (the cat tries, but he can only keep my feet warm).

Dahlen Tue 11-Feb-14 13:16:39

I was single for years before meeting current BF. I felt very much like you. Apart from regular sex (which I hadn't had in so long I'd pretty much forgotten what it felt like to want it anyway) I just couldn't see that a relationship could offer anything that I didn't already have from other sources.

Now I'm with my BF, I don't feel the same way. Just the thought of him makes me smile. Everything he's brought to my life is positive. The fact that I was perfectly happy before I met him actually makes the relationship more enjoyable because I know I don't need it in anyway - it is simply a wonderful addition and as such I am not compelled to stick with it if it turns to shit. That's a very liberating thought and actually takes a lot of the pressure off the relationship. We don't have to do anything because we're a couple; we just do whatever makes us feel good.

For us, that means mostly talking, walking, cooking and shagging. wink

DCRbye Tue 11-Feb-14 21:00:48

Cuddle are the bit I miss the most. A good hug! I can get talking from friends.

needlesswidow Tue 11-Feb-14 21:03:51

someone to check things with. 'Was I being too harsh on X?'
'Y made me feel uncomfortable, is that just me or am I right to feel uncomfortable'

Someone to keep you sane

Someone who is always on your side

Someone who reminds you of the magic inside you

Helpyourself Tue 11-Feb-14 21:08:13

Don't underestimate the importance of talking. My lovely MIL is single and the lack of a sounding board in her life is glaringly obvious: she doesn't have the sense of proportion that comes from having someone listen to the mundane stuff as well as advise. Of course if you have an unsympathetic partner the effect is the same.

AnandaTimeIn Wed 12-Feb-14 10:32:54

I'm not too far off 50 so 'old dog' may well apply ;0)

Don't put yourself down! I've got 10 years on you and certainly don't see myself as "an old dog" smile

I am in a LDR so have the best of both worlds. Independence yet get togethers too.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Wed 12-Feb-14 13:08:27

Laugh.
Feel like someone understands you.
Have someone to tell when you have a really bad day.
Have someone to tell when you have a really good day.

kentishgirl Wed 12-Feb-14 14:08:37

I quite enjoy being single, and I'm very independent. I NEED time on my own and I have friends and family, and a busy work life.

But in a new(ish) relationship now and what I appreciate the most is often the little things that don't happen when you are single.

sharing that decompression time when I get in from work. Every day. Making me a cup of tea, listens about my day, listens to me vent if necessary. Had the day from hell last week and I vented for 30 minutes, went and soaked in the bath, he put dinner on then sneaked out and returned with a box of chocs for me to eat in the bath :-)

talking about random weird stuff other people find strange/boring. Someone to listen when, frankly, I am being boring (OHs have to endure anecdotes other people don't have to. Like the 'guess what I dreamed about last night...)

rubbing my feet while we watch TV

someone else to come up with ideas/distract you when you are bored and just don't know what you want to do

someone who cooks for me. someone to cook for. a nice dinner every evening at the table with a bit of conversation. Instead of single me grabbing something quick and boring and eating it on my lap in front of TV.

doing the crossword together

kentishgirl Wed 12-Feb-14 14:09:07

oooh - and someone to deal with any spider situations!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now