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does anyone still see ex,s as their family?

(16 Posts)
elliebellys Sun 09-Feb-14 13:19:25

Exh has gone mental because he doesnt get invites to my family parties,he thinks he should be invited to everything nd thst im pushing him out.anyone had this from their exs:-)

Well I do see my ex as family. He comes for Christmas and weddings and stuff. But I don't have a new P so it's fine, and my family see him as family. If they didn't want him there he would never presume.

sadwidow28 Sun 09-Feb-14 15:30:41

Three of my brothers were divorced. All 3 SILs and children still get invited to family get-togethers, weddings, christenings etc. They are all civil to each other.

One SIL went on to remarry and have another child. When that brother died, they both attended his funeral - which was appreciated by the family.

elliebellys Sun 09-Feb-14 15:49:51

We are not on speaking terms,he deleted all my family from facebook etc,but still tells the dc that he should come to everything,even meals out with the kids.

antimatter Sun 09-Feb-14 15:52:37

I am invited to all ex's family events, including Christmases etc.
I have felt strange to start with but they keep telling me I am still their family and keep inviting me - so it must be the truth how they feel.

wallypops Sun 09-Feb-14 20:23:50

I still see my ex family in law, but my xh doesnt see them at all so that helps! My ex-mother in law has always said that if I had more kids (extremely unlikely) she would still consider them to be her grandchildren too.

onetiredmummy Sun 09-Feb-14 20:41:34

No way!

No way would I tolerate him being invited to my family events.

No way do I want to keep in touch with his, had an email from ex mil wanting to visit me in my new home with her new boyfriend, dog, sil and sils children. I said no .

I didn't want to visit them while we married, the toxic fuckers so I'm damned if I'm going to see the bastards when I don't have to !

I still send Xmas cards to his dad but I wouldn't dream of attending his family events.

livingzuid Sun 09-Feb-14 21:35:09

Urgh no way. I would find that strange and totally awkward. I wouldn't have a clue what to say and it would be rude towards my now dh and how would I feel I'd I was xh's new partner? X wanted to stay friends and I said no. Why when he and they all caused me so much trauma?

Fortunately there are no kids involved but even then I would be managing it so that the majority or even all could be done without the need to share families.

whomadeyougod Sun 09-Feb-14 21:48:09

i find it creepy when people stay in touch with an ex and their family , its clinging on .

Iwannalaylikethisforever Sun 09-Feb-14 22:16:21

Depends on the reason for the split I suppose.
However it would not be something I have done or would do.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 09-Feb-14 22:36:59

Ghastly thought. The less I have to do with XH the better. The last family party we both went to was our own son's wedding about 5 years ago, well we couldn't exactly not both go to that (I even stood close enough so they could get us both into the same photo; I should have had a medal). Choosing to hang out with an ex though, that's kind of weird unless you're very good friends. As you've probably gathered, XH and I are not very good friends.

NatashaBee Sun 09-Feb-14 22:42:23

Some people do it, but definitely not the norm! And in your case it seems like a way of clinging on to you rather than you being on genuinely civil terms.

KouignAmann Sun 09-Feb-14 22:50:26

One of the best parts of splitting up with my XH was never having to see his unkind dysfunctional family again. I send cards and my DC visit them all with their DF.
It took me a little time to realise that the place XH learned to be an abusive fuckwit was his dreadful family.

I agree with PP. He is trying to cling on.

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sun 09-Feb-14 23:00:08

I went to my ex mils funeral recently even though the exdidnt go hhimself. Felt strange socialising with his family when we were no longer together and he wasn't there. We live 100 miles away so half the family didn't know me and they couldn't believe I had travelled so far for an ex . All the family were welcoming tho and I was told il always be apart of the family coz of my daughter .
The other side of my ex's family are still on my fb and they comment on things to do with my kids.
Ex still gets on with my mum , he knows hes always welcome at her house. It doesnt bother me .

elliebellys Sun 09-Feb-14 23:07:36

Natasha,uv hit nail on the head.even tho he is with his dp,he still wants to cling on.cake n eat it an all that.:-)

LyndaCartersBigPants Tue 11-Feb-14 12:52:47

My ex's family assured me that I'd still be part of their family when we split up. I have been to visit them with the DCs (without XH) and we all go out together for the DCs' birthdays.

Last week was XH's birthday and I was invited to his for lunch with them all. I declined lunch, but went for a cup of tea and a chat, then went out for lunch with my DP instead.

My ex went out for lunch with my DB a couple of weeks ago and my family will pop over to his to see the children if they are with him on their birthday etc.

I think it's good for the DCs to see us all being friends. I wouldn't choose to socialise with ex without the DCs, but when it's a family thing I think it's nice that we can all be there and there's none of that "I'm not going if she's going to be there" business.

DP has family parties and meals with his ex and her family too. I do feel a little bit weird about it, like they're 'pretending' to still be a family but he invites the ex's new bf too and suggested next Xmas we could all do something, me, him, both exes and all the DCs! Cosy.

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