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Why does DP have such an attitude with me all the time??

(80 Posts)
hateweekends Sat 08-Feb-14 19:46:07

So fed up. Just lately everytime I speak DP either laughs at me or takes the piss with some stupid comment. I can take a joke as much as the next person but it's getting to the point where I just don't want to speak through fear of ridicule. One example was the other night, Reeves and Mortimer comedy was on - I noticed one of them was mouthing the words as the other one spoke - I said to DP "hey if you look, you can see him mouthing the lines!" DP raised an eyebrow and said "I wouldn't know, I'm busy actually ... you know ... watching the program." Why the sarcasm? before he would have started looking for it and either agreed or disagreed but now it's just a load of sarcasm I get like I'm stupid or irritating.

We've recently become engaged and are planning to marry next July. We've chosen a venue and due to it being a busy time of year we'll need to lay a deposit on soon. So earlier I said to DP "I was thinking, after we pay the deposit for the wedding, do you think we should carry on paying the balance to them directly or just save the money up in the bank and pay it all off together next year?" he burst out laughing confused he said "obviously" we'd save the money in bank and in future can I think about what I want to say and think if it's actually worth asking him about and if it's something stupid, just keep it to myself!!! shock

Then - tonight his teenage kids are here - Now I'm used to him being a little off with me when the kids are here but tonight he's really upset me. Firstly he leaves me sat alone in the dining room eating my dinner whilst he goes off to watch TV and eat with his son (even though we supposedly have a rule about food in the living room) and then tonight I asked him if we were watching a movie tonight (we normally do on a saturday night). He says stroppily "yep." I ask what movie he's thinking of putting on and he snaps "dunno. can't magic one can I".

Any need??? I said I was sick of him snapping at me and being horrible so now he's not talking to me. Him and DSS are sat in the living room watching a movie and I'm sat in the dining room on my own again. feel like just going to bed sad

redundantandbitter Sun 09-Feb-14 08:48:12

Are you ok OP?

Strong responses but all correct . It's obvious to everyone here that this person is treating you like a piece of crap.

Some lovely person posted this on

http://healingthroughselflove.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/idealize-devalue-and-discard.html?m=1

on another thread and I saved it. Don't know if it helps but it sure sounds like your not DP is trying to devalue you and crush your self esteem
Til you are nothing. Sorry but what a wanker. Does he behave like this in front of your friends and family?

You sound lovely, especially sitting down to work out the finances. He sound threatened by you.

Please don't marry him

jasmineramsden Sun 09-Feb-14 09:55:13

He sounds like an absolute nob.
Please don't marry this man he will only get worse. He's speaking to you like a piece of shit love you deserve more.

WelshMoth Sun 09-Feb-14 09:58:27

OP, please come back and tell us how you are feeling.
We have all been pretty blunt and very honest, and maybe that's been shocking for you to read. We don't want to hurt you, want you to get out of this situation and find happiness.

How are things today?

JupiterGentlefly Sun 09-Feb-14 10:12:56

Op are you ok?

GeekLove Mon 10-Feb-14 22:03:14

This sounds like familiar territory. I remember when I was 20 moving in with my new fiancé and being somewhat put out that he didn't seem so delighted to come home considering that he had not seen me for 6 weeks.
That and his depression flaring up at the start of the academic year which again was weird considering it was the year he did subjects he wanted to do. Never mind he just got snappy and it wasn't him it was his depression talking.

So I put my emotional health on the backburner and did what I could for him listened to him and begged him to see a councillor even though he was never happy to see me and seemed to suck the joy from me. It was only when he said the thought of me spending the night with me made him want to scream was that the penny dropped and I dumped him.

You see he liked the status of the engagement and the domestic services provided by me but not actually the person as he was the sort who it turned out wasn't fully sure that women were people. It was not a coincidence that his first depressive flare-up co-incided with Fresher's Fair.

IF you have read this novel of a post what I am saying is he is probably fond of the status of engagement/marriage and having his own domestic slave but the actual process of sharing a life is too much for him and he is too cowardly to end it. You will have to take the initiative on this. Otherwise you will end up re-enacting Mark and Sophie's wedding from Peep Show.

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