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Why does DP have such an attitude with me all the time??

(80 Posts)
hateweekends Sat 08-Feb-14 19:46:07

So fed up. Just lately everytime I speak DP either laughs at me or takes the piss with some stupid comment. I can take a joke as much as the next person but it's getting to the point where I just don't want to speak through fear of ridicule. One example was the other night, Reeves and Mortimer comedy was on - I noticed one of them was mouthing the words as the other one spoke - I said to DP "hey if you look, you can see him mouthing the lines!" DP raised an eyebrow and said "I wouldn't know, I'm busy actually ... you know ... watching the program." Why the sarcasm? before he would have started looking for it and either agreed or disagreed but now it's just a load of sarcasm I get like I'm stupid or irritating.

We've recently become engaged and are planning to marry next July. We've chosen a venue and due to it being a busy time of year we'll need to lay a deposit on soon. So earlier I said to DP "I was thinking, after we pay the deposit for the wedding, do you think we should carry on paying the balance to them directly or just save the money up in the bank and pay it all off together next year?" he burst out laughing confused he said "obviously" we'd save the money in bank and in future can I think about what I want to say and think if it's actually worth asking him about and if it's something stupid, just keep it to myself!!! shock

Then - tonight his teenage kids are here - Now I'm used to him being a little off with me when the kids are here but tonight he's really upset me. Firstly he leaves me sat alone in the dining room eating my dinner whilst he goes off to watch TV and eat with his son (even though we supposedly have a rule about food in the living room) and then tonight I asked him if we were watching a movie tonight (we normally do on a saturday night). He says stroppily "yep." I ask what movie he's thinking of putting on and he snaps "dunno. can't magic one can I".

Any need??? I said I was sick of him snapping at me and being horrible so now he's not talking to me. Him and DSS are sat in the living room watching a movie and I'm sat in the dining room on my own again. feel like just going to bed sad

ImperialBlether Sat 08-Feb-14 20:30:28

Oh god, he is HORRIBLE!!!

I really wish you didn't have a joint account. Do you share a mortgage? I hope you don't.

Where is all your money going? Can you go through the statements online and check?

Whatever you do, please don't marry this man.

WelshMoth Sat 08-Feb-14 20:34:22

Then - tonight his teenage kids are here - Now I'm used to him being a little off with me when the kids are here but tonight he's really upset me.

^ This. Wrong on so many levels OP. He is out of order.
I always knew that my DSD was DH's first consideration in our lives, but he never treated me differently. Ever.

I think I'd have to say/write it down that he is making you feel this low. A marriage is pointless when the one person who should be fighting your corner is making you feel small sad

mammadiggingdeep Sat 08-Feb-14 20:34:41

Nasty. Just plain old nastiness. No need at all- he's a prick!!

I don't like the fact you say you're used to him being a bit off when his dc are there?! Why?? Why should he treat you like that? Awful.

Think very very carefully about whether you want to get married to this man sad

Chottie Sat 08-Feb-14 20:34:46

Please think of yourself and do not allow this man to rule your life.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Sat 08-Feb-14 20:37:42

I have only rad the OP as that was enough tbh.

Why is he constantly putting you down and why are you accepting of him being a twat when his kids are there?

He thinks he is better than you and that is never good.

You can do better than this. My dh has never put me down in the 18 years we have been together, even when I have done stupid things.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Sat 08-Feb-14 20:37:53

He's treating you with contempt.

are you going to choose to marry someone who likes to treat you like this?
He wont treat you better once he has you legally tied to him.

Katisha Sat 08-Feb-14 20:43:06

If you are already on eggshells, wondering if you dare open your mouth, then this has already been going on too long. It will only get worse. You need to end it now before you lose yourself and your self esteem.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 08-Feb-14 20:44:01

Right love, the facts are that the point of an engagement is to find out whether people are knob ends before you marry them. If you choose to ignore this fact, then you only have yourself to blame for a lifetime of misery.

Leave. ASAP.

Livingthedaydream Sat 08-Feb-14 20:44:01

He is just awful. Can't believe you have put up with this much so far!
LTB

God he sounds awful, run!

With the kids, I wonder if it's the case that he knows (or assumes) they are not happy about him being with you, and thinks he can keep them onside more, and be "cool dad", by acting like a jerk to you? Either way, it's no good if you are meant to be becoming family, so another reason to reconsider sticking around!

MrsCaptainReynolds Sat 08-Feb-14 20:52:11

Get out of this. Basic mutual respect is a foundation of marriage. He does not respect you.

Scared to open your gob to talk about money? And you want to tie yourself to him in marriage?

Pumpkin567 Sat 08-Feb-14 20:55:28

Funky bold... How true.
Do not ignore this, he's a dick. I have every sympathy for women who's d have turned into a twat. Yours is clearly showing his colours.

Ditch him

scottishmummy Sat 08-Feb-14 20:57:29

If it's as dreadful as you describe you need to split up

BoffinMum Sat 08-Feb-14 21:01:44

As they say, he's just not that into you.
LTB.

ChasedByBees Sat 08-Feb-14 21:02:46

Cancel the wedding. For gods sake cancel. You would regret marrying him so much. He sounds horrible and marriage will not make him improve, it'll make it worse. The questions/comments you're asking are smart astute observations BTW, the weird attempt at sarcasm makes him sound actually stupid from this depiction.

I know the general response on here is probably a bit of a shock, but I'm going to echo it. This is a massive red flag that you would be nuts to ignore or think you can work around!

Honestly, his comments are just coming across that he's generally annoyed by you, which is a REALLY bad sign. How long have you been together? It seems like a very sudden change, if you say he was reasonable before.

Living with someone like this really gets you down. It's been happening for a few weeks and you're already afraid to open your mouth - don't settle for it for another god knows how many years. My ex was like this and we were together 2.9 years and I just never even bothered talking to him by the end unless he started a conversation first. How sad is that? I am now married to a lovely bloke who, yes, will take the piss on occasion, but when it's merited, when it's funny, and NEVER in a way that makes me feel stupid, I can't really explain the difference, I suppose it's because 99% of the time when he speaks to me he is taking me seriously and that his general attitude is to take me seriously. We can still have a joke and mess around but it's fun, not nasty, and he'd be mortified if he actually had upset me.

I don't really know why I put up with it from my ex for so long but the sad fact is that I am always surprised when I think about the fact that DH does take me seriously so I suppose on some unconscious level, I didn't think before that my opinions were as important as XP's or that I deserved to be taken seriously. It's good that you've noticed it already - don't fall into the trap of believing the same!

TheCrackFox Sat 08-Feb-14 21:05:24

Please don't marry him.

Don't go to bed. If you don't have DC, go out! Do you have a friend you can call or something? Screw him with his moodiness. Go and have a good time somewhere else smile

WeAreDetective Sat 08-Feb-14 21:06:05

Please think about what living like this would be like for the rest of your life...which is what you are signing up for. sad

BOFtastic Sat 08-Feb-14 21:07:31

Please don't marry him.

Norem Sat 08-Feb-14 21:07:38

He sounds horrible OP, just a hunch, are you younger and better looking than him?
It sounds like now that he has got you he thinks he can do what he likes.
Shock the life out of him and dump his sorry ass!

BOFtastic Sat 08-Feb-14 21:10:54

Have a little read of this- it's basically about the four big signs that flag up when a marriage simply won't work. I think you will recognise some of it.

SirRaymondClench Sat 08-Feb-14 21:10:57

I'm sorry Op.

You come across really nicely in your original post and to me it sounds like you are doing nothing wrong and certainly nothing to warrant this sort of treatment.
Please reconsider marrying this man. He sounds awful and sadly I think it will only get worse.

balia Sat 08-Feb-14 21:14:02

Just a stab in the dark, but is this guy a bit older than you?

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