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Why does DP have such an attitude with me all the time??

(80 Posts)
hateweekends Sat 08-Feb-14 19:46:07

So fed up. Just lately everytime I speak DP either laughs at me or takes the piss with some stupid comment. I can take a joke as much as the next person but it's getting to the point where I just don't want to speak through fear of ridicule. One example was the other night, Reeves and Mortimer comedy was on - I noticed one of them was mouthing the words as the other one spoke - I said to DP "hey if you look, you can see him mouthing the lines!" DP raised an eyebrow and said "I wouldn't know, I'm busy actually ... you know ... watching the program." Why the sarcasm? before he would have started looking for it and either agreed or disagreed but now it's just a load of sarcasm I get like I'm stupid or irritating.

We've recently become engaged and are planning to marry next July. We've chosen a venue and due to it being a busy time of year we'll need to lay a deposit on soon. So earlier I said to DP "I was thinking, after we pay the deposit for the wedding, do you think we should carry on paying the balance to them directly or just save the money up in the bank and pay it all off together next year?" he burst out laughing confused he said "obviously" we'd save the money in bank and in future can I think about what I want to say and think if it's actually worth asking him about and if it's something stupid, just keep it to myself!!! shock

Then - tonight his teenage kids are here - Now I'm used to him being a little off with me when the kids are here but tonight he's really upset me. Firstly he leaves me sat alone in the dining room eating my dinner whilst he goes off to watch TV and eat with his son (even though we supposedly have a rule about food in the living room) and then tonight I asked him if we were watching a movie tonight (we normally do on a saturday night). He says stroppily "yep." I ask what movie he's thinking of putting on and he snaps "dunno. can't magic one can I".

Any need??? I said I was sick of him snapping at me and being horrible so now he's not talking to me. Him and DSS are sat in the living room watching a movie and I'm sat in the dining room on my own again. feel like just going to bed sad

Joules68 Sat 08-Feb-14 19:50:33

Sounds like he's regretting this engagement!

hateweekends Sat 08-Feb-14 19:52:19

Yes Joules, that's what I'm thinking sad wish he'd just have the balls to tell me though rather than acting like a petulant child who's just been sat on the naughty step.

antiabz Sat 08-Feb-14 19:52:33

Not sure what his problem is but do you really want to marry this bloke?

Sounds like he has some problem with the engagement but doesn't have the emotional intelligence to verbalise this like a normal adult would. Why the fuck should you put up with this?

DameFanny Sat 08-Feb-14 19:55:44

Why are you used to him being of with you whenhis kids are there? It sounds like he's been showing you how unpleasant he is for some time, and you've just been taking it.

But you don't have to - you can just leave. Don't marry him - he's not worth it.

antiabz Sat 08-Feb-14 19:58:46

Oh yep forgot to add this.

My dp has a daughter, and I can honestly say he does not act any differently when she is here.

Obviously some of his attention is diverted (naturally) but he is still kind, considerate and does not treat me any differently.

Your dp isn't coming across as very pleasant...

paxtecum Sat 08-Feb-14 20:00:27

OP: Cancel the wedding.

You don't want to spend the rest of your life putting up with crap!

Luckily you haven't paid the deposit on the wedding, so cancel and leave him.

Life will be far pleasanter without him.

Pinter Sat 08-Feb-14 20:01:47

From what you've said, I think you will regret it if you marry him. Sorry

What needs of yours are being met here within this relationship?.

Do you really think that being married to this person will change the ways things are now?. Such men do not change and this is your future life with him as well. FGS do not marry this man who is at heart an emotionally immature manchild.

hateweekends Sat 08-Feb-14 20:02:53

He normally tries to start an argument on a friday - so when his kids come on a saturday we're barely talking. He denies this but it seems to be the case. No idea why.

Another example I've just remembered from today - ever since we've moved in together we end up in the overdraft around 2 weeks before pay day. Last month we were over £600 in the overdraft - this month it's looking like it will be around £400 in the overdraft.

He's always saying he's worried about money.

So whilst he was out today I added up all our income for next month, all the outgoings etc and ended up with a spreadsheet saying we should have £700 LEFT at the end of the month. So when he got home I deliberated over it for a bit because as I've said, I'm scared to open my gob lately but eventually I said "you know, I've worked this out and according to my calculations we should be up £700 next month if we're careful with money." So he started smirking and said "oo my calculations!! according to my calculations!!" etc etc hmm once he'd got over my choice of words he said "so basically I just carry on exactly how I am then because it's not my fault we over spend?" There is just no talking to him.

oldgrandmama Sat 08-Feb-14 20:05:06

He sounds horrid. Sorry.

ToTheTeeth Sat 08-Feb-14 20:06:24

If he's not going to grow some balls you need to. He doesn't want to marry you, I can't see why on earth you want to marry him. Ask him if you're both making a massive mistake. I mean you obviously are, but you seem to think there's some kind of discussion required.

eurochick Sat 08-Feb-14 20:08:05

In answer to your question "Why does DP have such an attitude with me all the time??"

I would suggest the answer is "Because he's a bit of a prick".

Why would you want to tie yourself to this man?

He sounds unpleasant. You should be able to speak freely without someone taking the piss. It must be really uncomfortable. I wouldn't like to be married to someone that treated me like that.

You do not really get anything from this relationship do you hateweekends?.

If this is what is it like now, do you think that marriage will change anything at all. No it will not.

Why are you together at all, simply put you and he should not be together. You two marrying is a utter recipe for disaster.

AnyFucker Sat 08-Feb-14 20:12:28

To answer your question, it sounds like he has zero respect for you

Why are you marrying this ignorant twat ?

FreakinAllAboutSugar Sat 08-Feb-14 20:15:07

As everyone has said above, OP, bin this prick.

But find out about the money first - if you should have £700 left after expenses but are £400 overdrawn, I make that $1100 unaccounted for. In your place I'd be looking for an explanation.

huhpuh Sat 08-Feb-14 20:15:39

He sounds like my ex. Constant put downs to. The point I'd didn't want to open my mouth. He really had me doubting myself all the time. We split up. Best. Thing. Ever.

It was only after he was out of my life I realised what a malignant influence he'd been on it.

huhpuh Sat 08-Feb-14 20:16:32

Too. Constant put downs too.

I blame the half glass of beer I've had. Get me!

CoffeeTea103 Sat 08-Feb-14 20:18:20

Life's too short to settle for less than you deserve. It's a snapshot of what married life would be. Can you honestly imagine being married and happy with someone like this. You have a good opportunity to make a good choice for yourself - leave.

Why the fuck are you with this loser?

FlatFacedArmy Sat 08-Feb-14 20:23:23

You know, lots of people have rough patches in relationships. Where they generally find each other a bit irritating or frustrating. And they blow off steam. I'm sure most of us have heard friends talk about their other halves like that.

But when they speak to or about their partners with contempt, well, I don't think I've ever seen a couple come back from that. It's the nail in the coffin. All this belittling of the OP for her words/tone/opinions seems dreadfully contemptuous. It's not just disrespectful, it's also cruel. There's no justification for it. The sarcasm and treating you like you're stupid is awful and hurtful. If it's been happening for a little while it doesn't seem to be getting better or going away, does it?

I don't think this marriage is going to go ahead, somehow... I'm sorry OP. It's pretty common for people who are a bit cowardly to treat their other halves like shit and hope they'll take the hint and leave, doing the dirty work for them so they can hold on to the moral high ground of being the dumpee rather than the dumper.

isitsnowingyet Sat 08-Feb-14 20:24:48

This doesn't sound like an equal partnership. Is he a kind person otherwise? I don't think it's a good idea to stay with a bloke if he isn't even kind to you.

ArtexMonkey Sat 08-Feb-14 20:28:33

He sounds like an insufferable bellend. Who moved in with who? Do you have children yourself op? What would he say if you told him how he makes you feel? I think you know don't you? More of the same.

I think you should consider everything you've said here:

Makes you feel shit
Money mysteriously vanishing
Won't discuss things like a grown up

And think long and hard before you get to the point of 'well we've paid the deposit, we can't call the wedding off/oh i'm pregnant and i can't do it alone/well he is a great dad'. Don't get trapped with this arsehole. And it may well be that he isn't having second thoughts: he has you where he wants you, living together and committed, and he just feels like he can relax into his true persona. Don't rely on him to be the one to call time on this thing that's clearly not working. Apart from anything else, it'll make you feel awesome later when it's all over. Get that power back.

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