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Just can't accept trips away with the lads!

(131 Posts)
Damnhot72 Sat 08-Feb-14 10:34:50

I know some women don't mind their partner going away regularly with the lads, but I just don't like it, I've tried to question myself go over it in my head but it never has been something that sat comfortable with me.

I've been with my bf for over a year now, and this is the main problem for me, we don't live together so don't see a lot of each other though I'm fine with that. But there just seems to be a lads trip away every 3 months or so, a few in this country somewhere, others are abroad. They're all in their 40's now so not young lads and it's all about drinking copious amounts of alcohol and watching football and were as my bf may not be unfaithful as far as I know, I know others are womanisers and heard various stories of women joining them having a laugh etc. although I trust him there is always that doubt in my head. In the past I've been cheated on by bfs going away to Blackpool etc. I know that's the past but I don't know I'm just finding it hard. Don't forget on top of this there is other nights out with the lads which I don't mind so much I do understand they need this time etc as do I but I can not afford to go away like he does if I do it's to see an old school friend, nor do I really have that craving to want to go away like he does. I'm just wanting people's opinions really would you accept this, is it just the norm ? What would you do about it, sometimes I just wonder if it would be best to just end it let him do what he wants I don't want to turn into the nagging girlfriend or have to put up with all the stress I feel when he does go away.

Oblomov I can definitely see your perspective and I think it's unfair that some on here are painting the OP's bf (ex?) as a bad/sub-par person for going on these nights. I don't think it's any worse than any other hobby, unless it's impacting on things like caring for DC etc.

Personally it wouldn't be my thing but there's nothing wrong at all with doing it (obviously "womanising" etc or irresponsible drinking is different, but that aside) - it just means that person is perhaps more suited to a partner who either likes doing this kind of thing themselves (and hence they can come to an arrangement/agreement about equal "time off") or likes their space away from their DP regularly.

Lweji Tue 11-Feb-14 16:45:13

I don't think there is a right or wrong in this, and you are not controlling for not liking this part of his lifestyle.

You can only decide if it suits you or not, as you have.
You decide what is best for you.

Offred Tue 11-Feb-14 18:02:01

No, I don't understand why any person would want to stipulate that a whole gender was not allowed to something unless they had some kind of prejudice against that gender.

I have friends of mixed sexes.

PN groups are slightly different because they are about an experience only women can have but I would find them strange if they expressly excluded men.

I don't agree with any kind of gender segregation, personally.

Offred Tue 11-Feb-14 18:03:56

And of course sometimes I've been in exclusively female or exclusively male company. It is the express exclusion of the other gender that I object to.

Joysmum Tue 11-Feb-14 18:31:08

From what you've written, I too think you have done the right thing. I think that if my DH and I never did anything together but he had more of a life without me than we had together, I'd be calling things a day too. Surely couples want to spend enough time together and be satisfied with their experiences together before investing time and money with others?

So, whilst I'd have no objections (now I'm more secure) in DH going away with the lads, I would not be happy if we didn't have the time and money to do so as a couple as a priority. I'd be questioning why he wouldn't want that with me.

I'm quite happy for him to have lads days/nights out. I like to have days/nights out with the girls so it cuts both ways.

You can change the way you feel if you want to and feel it's something you need to change. If you don't want to then that's fine too and you're better off finding somebody who's a better fit. I wish you every success in doing so if that's what you want. Otherwise, enjoy being single.

DCRbye Tue 11-Feb-14 19:59:13

I think you have to set rules about what makes you happy according to your own standards. We're not all the same.

I ever liked xDH going on boys nights out, but in the same way we didn't do much of that stuff together.

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