Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Feel like a mug ... DH had an affair with my 'best friend'

(116 Posts)
mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:00:26

Found out last night, had suspicions for a while and snooped through his phone ( low I know) and discovered multiple texts between them , some discussing what a nice weekend away they had together... he told me it was a business trip.

Best friend and OH work together, she introduced me to him a good 7 years ago !! best friend is single and has 2 children, I feel like a mug. My so called best friend has been shopping with me, helped me redecorate our bedroom which she most likely slept with DH in whilst I was on night shift.

They have had this affair going for 3 months so he says, could be longer. At the moment I feel nothing is that normal ? what is normal anymore, I love him and yet I want to throw him off a cliff, I don't have anyone to turn to my best friend was the one i'd talk to. Spoke to my mother and im going to stay there for the next few weeks need to get out of that house despite it being mine.

Best friends and OH have moved in together not sure if it's permanent .. don't want to know, not sure what they have told her kids who know me and my OH very well.

I'm such a mug, she is this super skinny, big boobed beautiful woman, I have always lived in her shadow being short and plain... and now I have lost my OH to her.

I'm sorry I need to write this down, I need opinions I don't know what to do next. He sent me a text this morning explaining he regrets it that he loves me and she was his weakness confused. He wants to meet up and talk it through, I don't want to see his face for a few weeks I need to sort myself out. Got work tonight not sure if I can face it, I feel everyone knows, everyone knows what a mug I am, that woman who's husband ran off with her best friend right under her nose.

Minime85 Mon 10-Feb-14 22:47:03

hope you are doing okay op. thanks

rainbowsmiles Sun 09-Feb-14 09:32:00

You've been amazing. Well done! You sound so strong. About as far away from mug as I can imagine. You should change your name to Skinnyjeans or firmbuttocks or something along those lines. Bet skinny jeans aren't the only things he's held you back from.

NaggingNellie Sun 09-Feb-14 09:19:15

keep going strong op, Have you told all your friends and family then? the deserve to be named and shamed.

ilovebowie Sun 09-Feb-14 02:23:28

What a pair of despicable, disgusting excuses for human beings!

I couldn't believe what I was reading OP you are probably still in shock. I know I would be. My ex had an affair and went to live with the stupid bint (some slapper from work) but she was a stranger to me and not my BF. The pain of the betrayal was physical pain and I couldn't believe I hadn't seen the signs and believed all the bollocks I was told.

Remember you are better than them, before, now and always, he didn't deserve you and she didn't deserve your friendship. You are conducting yourself with dignity and are worth a million of them.

When it all goes pear-shaped (which of course it will) make sure neither of them have the audacity to come crawling on their slimy hooves anywhere near you.

I'm so glad you have family around you, you will get through this and look back and be glad it happened because you will realise what a lucky escape you've had.

Sending positive thoughts and strength xx

gildedcage Sat 08-Feb-14 20:47:07

I've never been in your position so no real advice but wanted to you to know how many people are here supporting you. This exact thing happened to my friends mum when she was early thirties (nearly fourty years ago) she went on to meet my friends dad and have her...I suppose I'm saying that when somethings lost somethings gained. Of course you will go through a grieving process but you will recover to be stronger and even better than before.

Idespair Sat 08-Feb-14 20:34:47

You're not a mug op. Normal people trust their husbands and their best friends, you did that. It's them who should be hanging their heads in shame, the evil bastards.

Charlie97 Sat 08-Feb-14 20:30:36

No, but karma will get the other two.

Not everything is karma, obviously!

Logg1e Sat 08-Feb-14 20:28:09

Is it Karma that is causing OP such heartbreak at the moment charlie?

Charlie97 Sat 08-Feb-14 20:27:09

Karma .... Karma will get them pair of bastards!

You take care, you wonderful, brave and awesome woman

X

Inertia Sat 08-Feb-14 18:49:13

You are doing brilliantly - and mum who is there when you need her is amazing.

Your H is probably outraged that you are not competing for him with OW and begging him to come back with all sorts of promises. I expect he thought he could keep his home and security with you on the back burner while he tested the water with OW- instead you've told him bye then, I'm off out to get my life back, divorce papers will be in the post and don't let the farm gate hit your arse on the way out from collecting your mancrap. You are awesome - enjoy clubbing smile

jadeddazedandconfused Sat 08-Feb-14 18:40:22

OP I don't have anything useful to say don't everyone has already said what I think, I just want you to know there is better for you in your Future.
What an absolutely horrible thing to do to you. Those losers will make each other miserable. I can believe you he said about you in skinny jeans, what an asshole!

HollyBrrr Sat 08-Feb-14 18:37:01

OP I have no advice, I just wanted to tell you that you seem, from the outside, to be coping brilliantly: decisively and with dignity. You deserve so much better than this twunt of a man and this sham of a friend.

Minime85 Sat 08-Feb-14 18:17:50

ah you really aren't a mug. you have nothing to feel ashamed of. how awful of them both to behave in that way. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 08-Feb-14 18:17:38

No matter how much he will have told you it's over between you, a tiny part of his brain is so used to loyal dependable you, he will be put out when you slam the door behind him. No pleading no trying to 'win' him back. Meeting up would have been a sham pretence at talking, he'd want you to compete....

Kind of your manager, you might find once adrenalin wears off you're in need of a breather.

Glad you're getting angry, get it out, ignore those two.

Logg1e Sat 08-Feb-14 18:08:30

Funny that he's too busy telling you how bad your life will be without him to enjoy the excitement and bliss of his new relationship. I get the feeling that you're not reacting as he wanted you to.

paisley256 Sat 08-Feb-14 18:05:09

Good riddance to the pair of them you're worth more than this pair of prats x

mug090 Sat 08-Feb-14 17:59:36

Evening all , locks are changed his stuff is outside the farm gates ready for picking up and I'm ringing a divorce soliciter in the morning . had no sleep last night I drove myself to mums at 2:30am in tears and spent the night in mums bed felt about 4 again ... Not 34.

I turned my mobile back on which hasn't stopped buzzing with texts ranging from begging to informing me how stupid I am ? I'm angry today , angry he should think he is Bette than me and that my life is a doomed time bomb without him. I'm also feeling like doing crazy stuff he stopped me from doing ... I'm going nightclubbing next weekend , I rang up work and explained the situation to my manager who has given me 2 weeks off , I'm thankful for that .

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Sat 08-Feb-14 12:57:46

Redruby I just backread your post about sending him postcards. Can we hang out?! ;-)

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Sat 08-Feb-14 12:55:35

Redruby you're fucking cool!

lazarusb Sat 08-Feb-14 12:15:08

Redruby wine

OP - Your last post has shown just how much you haven't lost - just what you've got rid of. flowers

loveliesbleeding1 Sat 08-Feb-14 12:03:57

You are not a mug, you are fan-bloody-tastic.thanks

rainbowsmiles Sat 08-Feb-14 09:41:53

If she's so great with her skinny ass and big boobs why did she want your husband. I bet she's jealous of you. Skinny and big boobs don't really count for much. Self respect, strength of character and warmth are all strengths you seem to have in abundance. That's why he married you and that is why she wanted to be your friend. They will both be sorry to lose you. When the shock has subsided you will not be sorry to have lost them. These two are nasty and everyone will see that. Being trusting and honest does not make you a mug.

redruby - RESPECT smile

LizzieBelle Fri 07-Feb-14 21:54:35

I would have been tempted to pee in his binbag of clothes

Quinteszilla Fri 07-Feb-14 21:52:54

What shits they are. And welcome to each other. angry

You have had such a lucky escape. Imagine if you had kids..

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now