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Feel like a mug ... DH had an affair with my 'best friend'

(116 Posts)
mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:00:26

Found out last night, had suspicions for a while and snooped through his phone ( low I know) and discovered multiple texts between them , some discussing what a nice weekend away they had together... he told me it was a business trip.

Best friend and OH work together, she introduced me to him a good 7 years ago !! best friend is single and has 2 children, I feel like a mug. My so called best friend has been shopping with me, helped me redecorate our bedroom which she most likely slept with DH in whilst I was on night shift.

They have had this affair going for 3 months so he says, could be longer. At the moment I feel nothing is that normal ? what is normal anymore, I love him and yet I want to throw him off a cliff, I don't have anyone to turn to my best friend was the one i'd talk to. Spoke to my mother and im going to stay there for the next few weeks need to get out of that house despite it being mine.

Best friends and OH have moved in together not sure if it's permanent .. don't want to know, not sure what they have told her kids who know me and my OH very well.

I'm such a mug, she is this super skinny, big boobed beautiful woman, I have always lived in her shadow being short and plain... and now I have lost my OH to her.

I'm sorry I need to write this down, I need opinions I don't know what to do next. He sent me a text this morning explaining he regrets it that he loves me and she was his weakness confused. He wants to meet up and talk it through, I don't want to see his face for a few weeks I need to sort myself out. Got work tonight not sure if I can face it, I feel everyone knows, everyone knows what a mug I am, that woman who's husband ran off with her best friend right under her nose.

CynicalOptimist Fri 07-Feb-14 12:35:19

I'm de-lurking to say I'm astounded at how awful your husband and "best friend" have behaved.....that's not the exact words I would like to use but i may getr reported if I describe them how I would like to describe them!

Stay strong, I know it certainly won't feel like it, but you may look back on this and see they both have done you a favour. Who needs snakes like these 2 in their lives??

It will get better and you will go on to lead a better life without them, they on the other hand will be left with nothing (I hope!)

wontletmesignin Fri 07-Feb-14 12:35:23

Oh OP im so sorry that you are having to go through this. I cant even begin to imagine how painful it all must be.

They are an awful, awful pair of twats.
They dont deserve another second of your time.

Hope you are ok, OP thanks

BuzzardBird Fri 07-Feb-14 12:38:09

OP, as far as you should be concerned, they are both dead to you. End of. No need to any more interaction. That post above by oldgrandmama was one of the saddest things I have ever read and I hope she has found some peace and happiness now. Please don't relive her experience.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 07-Feb-14 12:46:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh OP you are NOT a mug. Who should ever expect such a betrayal from two people who you know, love and trust?

Their behaviour is beyond disgusting.

Jan45 Fri 07-Feb-14 13:05:49

So sorry, how awful for you, what a pair of nasty horrible people really, they'll never be happy, what nice memories they will have of getting together-not.

You are so well rid of both of them.

TheBeautifulVisit Fri 07-Feb-14 13:10:28

Are you married to him?

If yes, how long have you been married? Did you have a prenuptial agreement (I am asking because you say "my house"?

TheBeautifulVisit Fri 07-Feb-14 13:11:32

They are appalling but your reaction is telling you they absolutely do not warrant your tears. Save your energy for getting yourself unmarried to him. grin

tribpot Fri 07-Feb-14 13:17:12

I have always lived in her shadow being short and plain... and now I have lost my OH to her.

On the contrary, she's shacked up with someone equally dishonest and traitorous. You haven't 'lost' in this situation, OP.

Have you started telling people what's happened? Please do - they richly deserve it.

BitOutOfPractice Fri 07-Feb-14 13:17:18

Oh my good god what utter utter scum the pair of them.

Everyone else is saying it all better than me but I just wanted to say that nobody will think you're a mug. They will have sympathy for a woman who has been horribly betrayed by the wto people who she should expect loyalty from. It is them that people will look doen on and despise. You they will want to help and support.

Let people know whatthey've done and take all the support you can!

ZenNudist Fri 07-Feb-14 13:25:29

Be strong. I'm sorry this has happened to you. You will get through it. Yy to lock changing and dumping his things. Also seek legal advice re the house. He might have a call on it if he's been paying into mortgage for 4years. You'd think no dc and relative short marriage would mean you could go separate ways with minimal legal fuss.

Count yourself lucky you got away from him before there were any dc to tie your lives together.

I've lost a good friend before (not in your horrific circs) and it was really hard to get over. Feeling of betrayal and loss. Give yourself time to grieve and recognise that she wasn't the person you thought she was.

Your life will be better without the both of them. Stop thinking if yourself as somehow eclipsed by this woman. That's a conditioning you've been accustomed to by your friendship. It's BS. You have your own attributes that set you apart. You are going to blossom without a friendship that casts you in second best role.

[hugs]

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 07-Feb-14 14:01:38

You are not a mug <<change your nn?>>
How awful!! shock I do hope you are able to surgically slice these reltionships out of your life and not look back.
Yes to changing locks, blocking communication, clearing his stuff out. Repaint the bedroom pronto, too...and get new sheets and pillows.

Fake friend sounds like nothing more than a blowup doll with a pulse. Do you think you should get a STI check?

Sorry you are going through this.
(( brew cake thanks ))

oldgrandmama ((hugs)) for you too.

HelloBoys Fri 07-Feb-14 14:20:01

OP - I can't believe you said that about lived in her shadow? what a bitch.

I think she has played on this and been toxic - someone who pretends to be a friend, maybe she picked on you so she could shine.

What may help you (it did me) - if you can do so - maybe book a summer school or break or something (I did a week's mosaic making) so you're AWAY and doing something completely different.

Look into finding a stylist and make yourself (if you want to) glam and stunning. The next time they both see you you want to make them be shocked you're coping.

For now - yes, stay with your mum do all the practical stuff like changing the locks but also check anything financially related, joint bank account etc.

If you get divorced name her in the papers. do you have any other friends you can visit?

take care flowers [tea]

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Fri 07-Feb-14 14:34:17

Wow.

Just wow.

I don't think you should feel as though you lived in her shadow. She may be slim and have big breasts but she is a fucking bitch.

Hold your head up high and be proud of yourself. You can't see this now but you are better off without this rat of a 'husband.' As for her, I wouldn't see her or speak to her again.

Good luck with the beginnings of a new and happy life away from these two LOSERS!!!!!

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Fri 07-Feb-14 14:37:39

Oh! And when he calls you up, I think you should take great delight in ignoring his calls. If you answer, you should hang up within seconds.

Do not trust this man again. Do you hear me OP? (Hugs)

(

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Fri 07-Feb-14 14:42:29

Hugs to you too OldGrandmama. Ugh! Really just goes to show how nasty some people are! OP you've had a lucky escape finding out about this!

MadBusLady Fri 07-Feb-14 14:42:48

Nobody will be thinking you're a mug, they'll be too busy thinking about what pond life the other two are. Start telling more people, I think their reaction will probably reassure you. This is shocking. And you don't have to see him if you don't feel like it - now or ever.

Oh, OP I am so sorry.

Nobody will be blaming this on you, I promise. This is one of the biggest betrayals - cheating is disgusting in itself, but cheating with someone you trusted as a best friend is just vile and beyond the pale.

I wouldn't have anything more to do with either of them. They're disgusting and one day, their behaviour will come back and bite them. She'll never be able to trust him because she'll worry that he'll cheat on her like he did on you. You know he's a cheat - do the right thing and leave them to it. They deserve each other. Let them go and be vile together, and count your lucky stars you don't have children with this man.

Don't indulge him with a a "chat", he doesn't deserve that from you. Is the house in your name/his? I assume he's moved in with her and her kids? If so, go home, change the locks, dump his stuff on the doorstep or in the shed and start divorce proceedings. You deserve so much better than either of these idiots.

ageofgrandillusion Fri 07-Feb-14 14:52:56

OP at least you dont have kids with this wanker. And at least your decision has been made for you. There are no grey areas, this is the worst of the worst - sleeping with your best mate suggests he has a desperately low opinion if you. There is no going back from this - unless you want more of the same in the next few years - and, in many ways, that makes things easier. You can start to move on today.

SeptemberFlowers Fri 07-Feb-14 15:15:26

You are most definately not a mug.

You've lost nothing other than 175lbs of cheating arsehole. She has "won" someone who was prepared to leave his wife. Doesn't look good for their future does it ? She'll be second guessing him within no time and thinking he's cheating on her.

Change the locks, stick a middle finger up at them and look after yourself x

enriquetheringbearinglizard Fri 07-Feb-14 15:20:28

No little chat, no listening to excuses OP and hold your head up high. Change your nn to Independent Woman, you are not a mug, he is.

I'm not someone who automatically thinks relationships must end after an affair, but in this case, yes, get the locks changed and turn his stuff out.

Your DH/OH didn't know the value of what he had, so now he's reaping what he sowed and welcome to it.
I'm just so very sorry that the betrayal is a double whammy.

You will work through this pain and you will come out the other side stronger for it. Just take one day at a time and cut them both out of your life. Your friends won't think you're the fool, they'll think what nasty, scheming bastards those two are. They deserve each other, but it's unlikely they'll be happy.

NatashaBee Fri 07-Feb-14 15:22:34

What's that saying about when a man marries (or gets into a full-time relationship with) the other woman, he creates a vacancy? He's pond life, let her have him and worry constantly about whether he'll cheat on her too.

Chippingnortonset123 Fri 07-Feb-14 15:40:21

Op and Grandma, this happened to me. I was without a shoulder to cry on because they were my too confidantes. The pain went on for years, especially going over all the tearful conversations that I had had with my friend about my worries that I had that he was seeing someone else, and all the time it was Her.
Cut all ties. Lean on your brother and Mum and other support.
You have been served the ultimate whammy from my point of view.
Force yourself to eat and drink, even though you might not feel like it.
I feel like posting her full name right now, but I won't. I will never ever forget the first days of the realisation of the treachery.
(It didn't last; I think that part of the pull for them was the excitement of the double deception).

Chippingnortonset123 Fri 07-Feb-14 15:48:20

And forget 'chats' with either of them. I made that mistake.

mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 16:02:20

Thank everyone replies and such kind words have brought me to tears. My brother has been round and took me for lunch , big brothers are amazing no matter how old you are.

Locks are being changed tomorrow , luckily the house has no mortgage it's mine and he has no connections to it , it's a farm building under my family .

Some of the poor women on here who didit discover straight away must have been horrible , you sound so strong . I found myself crying before , I keep crying and crying . I'm sat in the bath now with the radio on to stop my mind from over thinking things . I am sleeping downstairs tonight I cannot sleep on that bed.

I have the embarrassment of going for an STI check now , and I forwarded the text he sent me to my best friend just politely put " your welcome to him " ... Childish ? Maybe .

I don't think sleeps on the cards tonight as soon as its quiet my mind goes into deep thought . I bet they were sniggering at my stupidity ! And the cheek of him agreeing he wants a child only 2 months back , why would you bring a child into this situation .

I'm getting a divorce I cannot trust a Liar , positive thoughts are needed right now and ridding them of my life sounds good. His mum has rang me ( he must have told her we split up) so I explained to her exactly what has gone on and she is disgusted in him .

I just feel very broken and worthless at the moment .

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