Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Feel like a mug ... DH had an affair with my 'best friend'

(116 Posts)
mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:00:26

Found out last night, had suspicions for a while and snooped through his phone ( low I know) and discovered multiple texts between them , some discussing what a nice weekend away they had together... he told me it was a business trip.

Best friend and OH work together, she introduced me to him a good 7 years ago !! best friend is single and has 2 children, I feel like a mug. My so called best friend has been shopping with me, helped me redecorate our bedroom which she most likely slept with DH in whilst I was on night shift.

They have had this affair going for 3 months so he says, could be longer. At the moment I feel nothing is that normal ? what is normal anymore, I love him and yet I want to throw him off a cliff, I don't have anyone to turn to my best friend was the one i'd talk to. Spoke to my mother and im going to stay there for the next few weeks need to get out of that house despite it being mine.

Best friends and OH have moved in together not sure if it's permanent .. don't want to know, not sure what they have told her kids who know me and my OH very well.

I'm such a mug, she is this super skinny, big boobed beautiful woman, I have always lived in her shadow being short and plain... and now I have lost my OH to her.

I'm sorry I need to write this down, I need opinions I don't know what to do next. He sent me a text this morning explaining he regrets it that he loves me and she was his weakness confused. He wants to meet up and talk it through, I don't want to see his face for a few weeks I need to sort myself out. Got work tonight not sure if I can face it, I feel everyone knows, everyone knows what a mug I am, that woman who's husband ran off with her best friend right under her nose.

MrsBennetsEldest Fri 07-Feb-14 11:08:46

The pair of Bastards. I'm so sorry this has happened OP. This betrayal by the two people you thought cared for you is beyond belief. I understand, I am going through something similar, although not the same.
My pain and disbelief turned to anger and it's that anger that held me together.
Get angry. How fucking dare they.

HelloBoys Fri 07-Feb-14 11:13:15

Do you have children?

if not I'd be tempted to LTB. the friend, well she's not your best friend. maybe she had designs on him before, maybe she wants to hurt you in some way.

they're both as bad as each other. sorry you've had to go through this.

mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:13:42

Thanks for the reply MrsBennet, I think that's what made it worse if the OW was someone I didn't know I could perhaps fathom it out but right now I just cannot think straight. Sorry to hear you're going through something similar, I'm waiting for it to hit me like a tonne of bricks because at the moment I have not cried, screamed or turned into a wreck. Im on autopilot, think it might be shock but I know it will happen, im waiting for the floods of emotion.

HelloBoys Fri 07-Feb-14 11:14:03

what, didn't see that, he has MOVED IN WITH HER?!

oh no way, no turning back. separate then divorce imo.

mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:15:24

Helloboys:

No thank god, we did discuss starting a family not long ago and he agreed it's what he wanted sad.

What you have said has been running through my head all day, why would she introduce me to him if she liked him ? I don't understand some people.

Thank you for the reply

They're a couple of nasty twats.

This is such a dreadful shock, you must feel distraught sad

If you're off to your mum's make sure he cant get back into the house unsupervised. I wouldn't see him as he requested, he's a cunt.

WireCat Fri 07-Feb-14 11:16:02

What a pair of utter bastards shock

Allow yourself a bit if time to get over the shock & then move on with your life. Don't listen to any of his excuses. Or hers.

mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:17:55

youstayclassy:

My mum said the same thing, my 'best friend' is a childhood friend and my mum used to see her as a second daughter.

I am thinking of ringing up to get the locks changed but not sure if it's possible at such short notice. I cannot see him, you're right not yet anyway, Im too weak at the moment and would fall for the 'it was a mistake act'.

Pagwatch Fri 07-Feb-14 11:18:13

That is the worst kind of betrayal and must have left you feeling bereft of what was your most solid support, just when you need it.
I'm so sorry. No advice except that this is all about their behaviour. You have been betrayed and did nothing to deserve that.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 07-Feb-14 11:19:00

Nobody who loved you would plunge ball deep into your best friend.

Thank your lucky stars you do not have children with this man.

best friend. ha. <hollow laugh>

Painful as it is right now, you honestly are better off without a man who can shag around while looking you in the face and telling you he loves you and you are better off without a mate who can spend time with you while thinking haha I fucked your bloke last night.

You are better than both of them.

Leave them to their sordid, squalid little existence.

mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:21:10

wirecat:

That is why I cannot see him, I know I would fall for his excuses they are both as bad as eachother it takes two to tango. I'm so confused because the are the two people I crave when I'm in this state and yet they are the reason for it.

Pagwatch:

Thank you, you have summarised what is going on to a T, Im going to try and make myself some lunch soon I don't feel like eating just staying curled up in bed all day and night but I cannot go into work like this.

Hopasholic Fri 07-Feb-14 11:22:50

It won't work out, if you can take a little comfort in that then do, he'll be left with nothing. Once the novelty of the affair has worn off, he'll be full of regret, its already started hasnt it?
Keep the text messages, change the locks before you go to your mums if it's your house. Be prepared for a wave of emotions to hit, and eat, don't forget to eat flowers

MrsBennetsEldest Fri 07-Feb-14 11:23:42

His fucking weakness. What a pathetic piece of shit. God, I am raging for you. I'm shaking.
Block his number on your phone. Do it now. If you don't you will end up with his emotional rants fucking with your mind when you need to keep a clear head and be able to think what's best for YOU.
They made a choice to do this. They chose to do this to you. Get angry Lovely.
Weakness my effing arse.

mug090 Fri 07-Feb-14 11:26:09

Hopasholic:

I cannot see it working out, best friend isn't the type to settle he knows that, I know that and so does she. It has, I have turned my phone off as he kept trying to ring me and my brother is coming round soon in case he tries to turn up at the house. I shall get my brother to ring up and ask someone to come and change them for me. I am just waiting for that stage Im in limbo really, nothing seems to be happening in my world and yet everything has been uprooted. Thank you, Im going to have a slice of toast for lunch

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 07-Feb-14 11:28:49

I that is your house and he's moved out and you have no children, you have no reason to ever see this prick again.

Or the stupid bitch who you thought was your friend.

You should be able to get a locksmith today.

He'll be begging you to take him back when it goes tits up with that utter cow so be prepared.

Look after yourself, phone work and tell them you've got a virus, give yourself a few days off.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 07-Feb-14 11:29:48

btw - "i regret is" is code for "i am sorry I got caught because now there are unpleasant consequences for me and I preferred it when I could shag around and come back to the unsuspecting girlfriend"

CocktailQueen Fri 07-Feb-14 11:32:30

I'm so sorry OP. They are both bastards.

I'd change the locks - you don't need to ever see him again - and be good to yourself.

It won't last. I bet you he'll be crawling back to you when it's all gone wrong. Be strong!

Lots of hugs to you.

So he's still shagging the treacherous skank while attempting to keep the home fires burning shock
Wow, he must really think you are stupid.
Please disabuse the lying, diseased prick of that notion.

Rosieliveson Fri 07-Feb-14 11:34:37

What a pair of pricks!

I think I'd get the locks changed, tell him to jog on then forward her the messages in which he says he loves you and she is a mistake with the friendly tag line of 'he's your lying bastard now'

Take care of yourself, no one deserves this crapthanks

oldgrandmama Fri 07-Feb-14 12:23:55

I'm so upset reading this. Exactly the same happened to me - husband and 'best friend'. Went on a couple of years before I found out - during the time I used to cry in her arms because I knew he was seeing someone but didn't know who (he was telling me I was 'going mad', he'd get me Sectioned etc!

When it all came out, I discovered that while I'd been babysitting her son, so she could go 'shopping' in London, she was in fact rolling around in motels with him!

He wanted his cake and eat it - to stay married but still see her. Alas, I put up with this for the children's sake (for TWENTY awful years). I should have ended it immediately, but it was the early 1980s, difficult then for a mother on her own if her ex was a total shit.

My point is, dear OP, finish it now. He won't change. He might come back to you for a while, but he'll be off again. He's an untrustworthy piece of utter garbage. And get those locks changed, chuck his stuff in bin bags and dump it outside. The worst is over - things will be better, gradually. Glad you've got family support. I didn't have any.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Fri 07-Feb-14 12:29:11

oh my god, oldgrandmama, that's afwul. No, worse than awful, that's evil.

Had neither of them an ounce of decency? Well, clearly not.

What a pair of totally amoral individuals.

NaggingNellie Fri 07-Feb-14 12:29:59

My god what horrible, horrible people OP they worth a fraction of you OP.

no turning back now, be kind to your self worth and drop kick these arseholes out of your life for good.

I wouldn't even consider a reunion,

Dahlen Fri 07-Feb-14 12:32:43

I'm so, so sorry. This is a betrayal of huge magnitude. It happened to a friend of mine once, and it took her longer to get over her friend's betrayal than it did her H's - mainly because had it been anyone else her H had been unfaithful with, it would have been her best friend who she'd have turned to for support.

I'm so, so sorry and wish you every support and best wishes. Call on all your family and friends and lean on them as heavily as you need to. You've had a truly horrible shock and ned their support right now.

flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now