Hi everyone. Long time lurker first time poster (I think). I'm a house husband who needs some advice, really. Obviously, as a dude I am expecting at least a little bit of flack, but as long as it's basically constructive, it's all good!
My wife is wonderful. I love her very much and still fancy her very much. We have two boys; one of 12 and one of 2 (the age gap was my fault, lol). Anyway, I would say I am the communicator in the relationship, which makes things difficult sometimes.
Until about a year ago, I worked in a warehouse bringing home enough money to help keep a roof over our head and pay the bills, but it was certainly not a 'career'. The plan was for me to leave and look after the kids and the house, and for her to pursue midwifery, which seemed like a calling. A far better career destiny than mine! So that's what I did, and although it can be a little isolating, I like spending time with the little'un and quite enjoy housework.
My wife tells me she loves me all the time and we cuddle a lot. But there's something in me, some insecurity that will suddenly make me dread her leaving me. And I guess I'm a bit of a control freak, who wishes you could make someone never leave you, but all I can do is try to be a good husband.
We were both virgins when we got together. I had no shortage of female interest in school, but I think I was just...a bit scared of women or something (cringe, lol). I think because of our start, we kind of both link sex and love together, which I'm not sure is good or bad?
In our past my wife has left me briefly twice. The first time was aaaaages ago (before we had our first child) I think it was to do with her sister breaking up with her husband and my wife panicking and experiencing a sort of 'early mid-life crisis'. I can only assume this because however gently I have ever approached the subject she can't talk about it.
I responded, at the time, by tracking down a local nightclub that she was frequenting, pulling an attractive women in front of her, and the next day she came back home. (By all means really put the boot in here, but I was following an impulse telling me what to do to get her back and it seemed to work in the short term). I'm sure it was a horrific thing to do (maybe she wasn't ready to come back) but she actually admitted years after that it did make her want to be with me again.
The second time was more recently (about 3 years ago) and was because she wanted another child and I was dragging my feet. She said that unless I gave her another child it was all over. This time I did not cry over her, and despite everyone (mates, parents, etc) telling me to just 'give her a baby, it's what ya have to do' I did not cave. I thought I should want the baby too, before committing to it. I held out and she stayed. Later on, I decided I was happy to have another baby, and we did.
I am no angel. A long, long time ago I kissed someone else, mostly due to my ego rather than any urge to have a full blown extra-marital affair. I sincerely apologised to her and she genuinely forgave me. As I have gotten older I have become much more trustworthy since I realised the indiscretion was due to my low self-esteem, which improved vastly when I started going to the gym and learning to like myself. My wife is a tiny bit overweight, but I don't care or really notice it. In face I love her sexy little post-baby belly! However, it does impact her self-esteem, so sometimes it would probably be good for her to lose weight. To be fair she has lost half a stone recently, on the Paleo diet. Good on her, imo.
I feel that I have pros and cons as a husband. I quite rightly do all the housework (it's my job) and she's glad because she hated it, lol. I am improving daily as a cook and play constructively with the little one. I am in better shape than most of my mates. I do resistance training and can lift and push more than my own weight. I'd like to think I would put my life on the line for her. My wife and I have similar intelligence levels and share similar philosophies and ideologies.
However, my flaws are usually related to procrastination, over-active sex drive, maybe my lack of vocational motivation?
What do you think? Should I be prepared for her to do the off, lol!? Is there anyway you can prepare for that when you really love the person and need them?
Yikes.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Where to start!? (My wife and I).
diagnostic · 06/02/2014 12:21
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