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dreading holiday with the inlaws

(54 Posts)
lesley07 Thu 06-Feb-14 10:49:34

I have made a big mistake by suggesting we go awsy with the inlaws for short break over easter...not that i dont like them..they are great..but now my mother is upset that we will take her granchild awsy n leave her on her own...my mother is fantastic with my ds and i love to see the pleasure she gets from spending time with my ds...the inlaws dont see my ds too much..mainly when we go see them...we make the effort to make sure they see our ds...but thats they way they are. I wanted a break and my partner said we cant afford it so i suggested his parents come n share the cost..he was in agreement as likes notjing more than pleasing his parents.
also be our last hol with just ds as we are due second baby in few months..so wish this was our last hol just the 3 of us...now its my fault we wont get that last holiday together n i am so upset by it and dreading it now.
am i being awful?.

wontletmesignin Thu 06-Feb-14 11:30:02

So you dont want to go on a break you wanted because your mother will be upset?

You arent taking her gc away. You are going on a break.

wontletmesignin Thu 06-Feb-14 11:30:41

And no, you are not being awful. Your motherisnt being very nice by making you feel this way over a break you want and deserve.

lesley07 Thu 06-Feb-14 17:32:15

I knowit sounds silly. My mother doesnt want me to feelbad..says have good time..i can jyst see it in her face..my inlaws dont see ds as much as my mother...they dont make a big effort ..only c her if we go to theirs..never do us any favours if u see..n so my mother sees it unfair they get to c ds so much in this break...iam so upset..thinking of making excuse n cancelling...but will loose deposit!

wontletmesignin Thu 06-Feb-14 17:49:23

Your ds will enjoy spending time his gp's, you will enjoy the break.

The only thing that is getting in the way here, is your dm.

I really dont think you should cancel. It is not unfair at all. Just because your DM sees it as unfair, that doesnt mean it is.

Grandchildren aren't a timeshare. Your mother is being weird and controlling.

Holdthepage Thu 06-Feb-14 17:52:00

Don't cancel your holiday. How would you feel if you were going away with your DM & your DH wanted to cancel because it was upsetting his DM? I am guessing that you wouldn't be very happy about it.

It is totally unfair for your DM to be making you feel guilty about this trip in any way.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 06-Feb-14 17:54:21

Your DM is close to you all and adores DS, that's lovely but she is being greedy. You won't harm your DS's relationship with her by letting him have a holiday with your PILs. If you don't go how will you explain to DH's parents whom he loves as much as you love DM? And the last thing you'd want to do is squander the deposit when there's DC2 coming.

A short break isn't emigrating! You'll be home in no time.

Whocansay Thu 06-Feb-14 18:02:37

But she IS making you feel bad! Deliberately! What's this crap about it being 'unfair' that they get to spend so much time with him? She's being utterly ridiculous. And controlling. And selfish.

Ignore and have a nice time. Tbh, I think it would be mean of you to cancel a holiday for ds because you're worried about upsetting your mum. And, is your dh not allowed to spend time with his side of the family?

Quinteszilla Thu 06-Feb-14 18:06:17

Taking her grandchild away. hmm

Manipulative much?

LIZS Thu 06-Feb-14 18:08:24

She won't see him for a few days, you're hardly emigrating to Oz. Can't she focus on something else, go away herself? Or you plan a weekend with her later in the year when she can enjoy dc2 as well ?

Preciousbane Thu 06-Feb-14 18:08:50

I think your Mother is being horribly over dramatic.
Enjoy our holiday.

Catsmamma Thu 06-Feb-14 18:11:25

so did your mother actually utter the words "taking my grandchild away from me" or not?

seems unlikely she is going to say that and "don't feel bad, have a good time".

and also moan about the UNFAIRNESS of it all.

Obv she might feel at a loose end if she sees a lot of your ds but really it's all a lot of drama over a long weekend away isn't it??

YellowTulips Thu 06-Feb-14 18:41:52

I think you need to stop being so melodramatic.

It's a short break away - it's not like you are going to be away for weeks.

By your own admission your mother sees her GC more than the inlaws anyway.

Go away, have a good time and don't ruin an opportunity for a lovely break by overthinking this. thanks

MellowAutumn Thu 06-Feb-14 19:04:44

I think you and your mother need to stop being so melodramatic

lesley07 Thu 06-Feb-14 19:15:48

My mother and i are very close she hasnt said the words taking her away from me l..just said she'll live with it n to go enjoy myself n stop worrying...but i do feel guilty spending time with the inlaws..especially asthey dont see my ds so much..thier choice.! I wantd a break n the only way i cud convince my dh of going was to say share the cost with his patents..i wudnt usually go away with them...love love love being just me hubby n baby...but oh well...i got myself in this mess really...have to make most of it...it may not be soo bad.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 06-Feb-14 19:19:08

It might be pregnancy hormones warping your perspective but I don't think you should cancel, it might make you and PILs closer together. They might be very helpful when DC2 arrivves and you want some quiet time with the newborn.

PortofinoRevisited Thu 06-Feb-14 19:21:09

Why should you feel guilty about spending time with your ILs? Especially if they don't see your ds very often. Your mum is being completely over the top about this.

lesley07 Thu 06-Feb-14 20:37:45

My main point is my mother does a heck of a lot for us n i wud be lost without her...my inlaws however dont do half as much...take a back seat yet still want to be best grandparents when they do spend time with my dd..which isnt a lot..they wud never go out of their way to help us..but my mother is there anytime day or nite...
So feel guilty i have chosen to spend wknd with them n not my mother...all because i wantd a break away n needed convince my dh to go.
Cant deal with the guilty feeling...still its my fault.

lesley07 Thu 06-Feb-14 20:38:15

My main point is my mother does a heck of a lot for us n i wud be lost without her...my inlaws however dont do half as much...take a back seat yet still want to be best grandparents when they do spend time with my dd..which isnt a lot..they wud never go out of their way to help us..but my mother is there anytime day or nite...
So feel guilty i have chosen to spend wknd with them n not my mother...all because i wantd a break away n needed convince my dh to go.
Cant deal with the guilty feeling...still its my fault.

Holdthepage Thu 06-Feb-14 20:47:30

You feel guilty for spending a whole weekend with your inlaws instead of your mother? Really? A whole weekend out of 365 days isn't very much at all is it?

wontletmesignin Thu 06-Feb-14 20:48:08

But you arent losing anyone. Nor are you choosing oh parents over yours. You are simply going away for a break. There is nothing wrong with that.

It really sounds as though your mother is controlling.
She does an awful lot for you. Has she repeatedly reminded you of that?

Please, stop feeling guilty as you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Enjoy your break away!

pussycatdoll Thu 06-Feb-14 20:50:55

Your perspective is skewed

It doesnt matter if your mum is more helpful

Your inlaws want to spend time with you

You can have multiple relationships that are different

You don't need to feel guilty

MellowAutumn Thu 06-Feb-14 20:54:47

If this is your normal level of cognition and understanding of relationships I think some counselling would really help you get some perspective because this is not healthy.

Logg1e Thu 06-Feb-14 20:57:10

Perhaps it's your posts, but it sounds a bit like you're using your in-laws to provide an affordable holiday.

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