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To stop seeing this man...(red flags?)

(47 Posts)
HandN Thu 06-Feb-14 06:18:11

I've namechanged, but only jigged a couple of letters around so you should be able recognise me.

I've not long left a crap relationship myself, I have 2 children. I have met someone else...

We met about a month ago, exchanged lots of texts, meet up usually every other day, have had sex a few times. When we're together I literally can't breathe, he gives me butterflies and I've had that with anyone before, here's where the problem lyes...

He only broke up with his ex a day before we met, he also has 2 young dc (obviously not a problem). Everytime we are together he gets call after call from his ex, usually abuse. He has his own place but he says ex won't let him have his dc so he goes to hers after work and stays the night everytime which I find bizarre, apparently she doesn't let him leave. He doesn't communicate with me while he's there. I've suggested he gets solicitor advice if she won't allow him to have his own dc out of her sight.

Anyway, the point is I'm feeling used, I don't really know where I stand with him, he says he wants me but I'm not so sure. I'm feeling like knocking the whole thing on the head before it gets any further. What do you think?

HandN Sun 09-Feb-14 12:38:17

No I don't have an iphone, to be fair he's only text twice over the weekend. I have continued to ignore smile

BitOutOfPractice Sun 09-Feb-14 09:35:36

Have you got an iPhone? Block his number

Well done on getting out. Of the relationship. Not the big girl knickers

HandN Sun 09-Feb-14 08:57:29

Actual lol at ' like double glazing companies' grin

AskBasil Sat 08-Feb-14 10:01:32

God, 12 times?

What a bloody time waster. It's like being called by double glazing companies.

The very fact that he's doing this, shows that actually, he hasn't taken on board that it's over. This is his way of drawing you back in and you're doing the right thing to completely ignore.

HandN Sat 08-Feb-14 07:10:17

Sounds like a plan to me haa!!!

AmazingJumper Fri 07-Feb-14 23:47:09

That'd stop him in his tracks grin

AnyFucker Fri 07-Feb-14 21:20:33

We could both get in 'em at the same time. On leg each smile

HandN Fri 07-Feb-14 21:19:27

Can I borrow your big girls knickers please AF grin

Yes I know, 12 times! All soppy stuff aswell!

AliceinWinterWonderland Fri 07-Feb-14 19:49:02

he's texted you 12 times today?? I'd say that pretty much confirms that he's not worth the effort. My god! 12 times! What a pain!

AnyFucker Fri 07-Feb-14 19:21:22

You have not ended it if you are still letting him make you feel "mean"

Come on. Big Girl's Knickers required here.

HandN Fri 07-Feb-14 19:15:36

Thanks andthebandplayedon smile

Feeling positive!!

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 07-Feb-14 18:34:43

It is not mean, HandN, it is called a boundary. That he is not respectful of it is him being mean...entirely his problem. Well done on not responding!

HandN Fri 07-Feb-14 18:14:51

Yes AF I have, I haven't even text back today, feel kind of mean.

AnyFucker Fri 07-Feb-14 17:19:27

Ignore him. Does he not understand you have ended the relationship. You have, haven't you ?

HandN Fri 07-Feb-14 14:47:47

Yes he said that last night, now he's text me 12 times already today.

AmazingJumper Fri 07-Feb-14 14:09:42

But he's said he'll wait till it's sorted?

Offred Fri 07-Feb-14 14:03:48

Oops! Wrong thread!

Offred Fri 07-Feb-14 14:03:05

You can do the freedom programme online btw but is not a substitute for proper RL support from WA I would say.

HandN Fri 07-Feb-14 13:58:42

Odd because he's being persistent in perusing something with me, when I've made it clear not to contact me until he's sorted smile

AmazingJumper Fri 07-Feb-14 13:51:40

It's not unreasonable for him to still have blurred boundaries with his ex - things can be complicated when a LTR breaks down.

Good to cool it off and it sounds like he agrees, I don't get why you think that is odd?

LilyBlossom14 Fri 07-Feb-14 13:12:08

I post this constantly, but you can do it online free Here if you wish.

Scarletohello Fri 07-Feb-14 12:49:27

Good for you for recognising red flags, asking for an objective opinion and LTB!

HandN Fri 07-Feb-14 12:45:49

Thank you all smile

I will take a look at the freedom programme and will get 'woman who love too much' from amazon.

It's defiantly my time now.

LilyBlossom14 Fri 07-Feb-14 10:07:25

Good for you - you deserve so much better than being the OW

You can also do the Freedom Programme online for free - I found it invaluable.

Freedom Programme

HandN

Re your response to me:-
"You are right, I do need to figure myself out, I haven't really ever been on my own! This is the first time I've spotted red flags myself so early on, tbh I'm almost sort of proud of myself in a odd way".

Good, this is indeed progress.

You have also removed yourself from this situation which is also good.

Love your own self for a change and work on you more through counselling to unlearn all the rubbish you have learnt to date. I would also suggest you read "Women who love too much" written by Robin Norwood as that could help you as well.

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