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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What are the rules?

66 replies

muchtooshy · 30/01/2014 18:33

About how long it is between meeting someone and it getting physical?

I am kinda inexperienced so I have no clue and I don't know what men expect!

OP posts:

Report

Custardo · 30/01/2014 18:34

what rules say I! do what you like, as long as two consenting adults are involved

Diagonally · 30/01/2014 18:51

I'd reframe that as what would you like, and what do you expect?

Do you want to date someone who takes things slowly, and wants to get to know you well over a few weeks first, or might you want to get down to it on the first date if you click? Or maybe you want a couple of icebreaker dates to assess compatibility, and then if all going well you'd want something physical to happen quite soon?

None of these is right or wrong, it's just you need to be sure of your own wants, expectations and boundaries before you date.

Then you can reject people who don't want to take the same approach as you.

muchtooshy · 30/01/2014 18:53

I have met someone but he is a bit older and more experienced and I don't know what the typical wait is - like number of dates or time scale or whatever.

So a few weeks would be taking it slow?

OP posts:

Twinklestein · 30/01/2014 19:00

There are no rules. And you can't run your love life around what men 'expect'.

Proceed at your own pace and get physical when it feels right.

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 30/01/2014 19:01

There are no rules. It doesn't matter what he 'expects'.
All that matters is that you wait until you're ready.

Hedgehead · 30/01/2014 19:03

I agree there are no rules, but I waited about a month with my exP and my DH

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 30/01/2014 19:04

It doesn't matter, honestly.

The only rule is that you don't go faster than you're comfortable with. If you want to do it tomorrow, do it tomorrow. If you want to wait a year then wait a year. It's entirely up to you and him.

flatbellyfella · 30/01/2014 19:09

Do not be pressurised into anything you are not comfortable with . If you wait weeks or months ,it's ok. If he is not happy with that, LTB.

handfulofcottonbuds · 30/01/2014 19:09

Have you had your date yet? I haven't caught up with your thread.

No rules, just when you feel ready.

Diagonally · 30/01/2014 19:11

When you say "waiting", do you mean you are actively using each date, conversation and e-mail to discover more about him and decide if you think he's right for you? If so, that's fine. You can take as long as you feel comfortable with

muchtooshy · 30/01/2014 19:16

Date was last night. I am just inexperienced so if he said slow I would have no kinda idea of what he meant by that. I don't think he would pressurise me though.

OP posts:

handfulofcottonbuds · 30/01/2014 19:19

How did it go? Sounds a success if you're asking your question.

Please remember, it is up to you and when you both feel comfortable and ready.

magoria · 30/01/2014 19:20

The only rule is when you are ready.

If your date makes you feel pressured or you have to do stuff you are not ready for then your date is not respecting you, your boundaries or your decision.

If they do that ditch them and find one who does.

muchtooshy · 30/01/2014 19:22

I think it went well. I kinda wanted him to kiss me but he didn't cos I think he figured that I do not have experience with men.

OP posts:

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 30/01/2014 19:23

Then ask him if you want to. He might mean taking each stage as it comes and enjoying it for what it is.

There really is no rule book so just do whatever you feel is right. Unless he's said something specific which is worrying you?

NearTheWindmill · 30/01/2014 19:23

How old are you?

Never be pressurised - it is the right time when it is right for you and if he thinks otherwise then he is not the right man for you.

muchtooshy · 30/01/2014 19:28

26 so I shouldn't be this crap with men!! lol

OP posts:

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 30/01/2014 19:35

My post was xposted - I meant ask him what slow means (or anything else) if he says something and you think "How long is a piece of string?!" I didn't mean ask him to kiss you. You could always kiss him!

handfulofcottonbuds · 30/01/2014 19:35

Try not to focus on whether you are inexperienced with men or not. Just do what feels right.

Did the flirting tips help? I bet you smiled lots!

Glad it went well for you

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 30/01/2014 19:40

Handful is right. In fact everyone is inexperienced when they first start seeing someone new. You are inexperienced with him, and he is inexperienced with you. Being good in bed is nothing to do with learned experience or skill, it's about being willing to listen, communicate, learn, share, explore with another person. Clean slate every time. He has to learn just like you do. Enjoy it :)

neiljames77 · 30/01/2014 19:41

Oh, I know who it is now. :)

TawdryTatou · 30/01/2014 19:44

I waited six months with stbxh.

And four and a half years with DP!

Worth the wait though. I guess what I'm trying to say is, wait until you're ready. If he likes you, he'll hang around :)

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Lweji · 30/01/2014 21:35

Did you feel inexperienced near him? Did he give you the I'm more experienced so you should follow my lead?
"I kinda wanted him to kiss me but he didn't cos I think he figured that I do not have experience with men."

I'm not sure I like the sound of him, TBH.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 30/01/2014 21:39

Why on earth not Lweji? I think a lot of men would be wary about kissing on a first date if they weren't getting very clear signals from their date.

ALittleStranger · 30/01/2014 21:42

Lewji I'm with you. What kind of man looks at a 26 year old and thinks she's too inexperienced to kiss?

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