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What are the rules?

(67 Posts)
muchtooshy Thu 30-Jan-14 18:33:49

About how long it is between meeting someone and it getting physical?

I am kinda inexperienced so I have no clue and I don't know what men expect!

ALittleStranger Thu 30-Jan-14 21:42:09

Lewji I'm with you. What kind of man looks at a 26 year old and thinks she's too inexperienced to kiss? hmm

Lweji Thu 30-Jan-14 21:45:10

It's not the not kissing. It's the whole experienced/not experienced thing.

I see potential red flags.

You should not feel less than him. You should feel confident and at ease.

Or maybe he was being respectful and cautious of frightening her off especially if OP has said to him herself that she was nervous and/or felt inexperienced.

Who really feels confident and at ease on a first date? It's too early to tell motivations like that IMO. Yes if it was a pattern over a longer period of time, it would be a cause for concern. On a first date I think it's perfectly normal for a man to hold back on a kiss especially if he is worried about appearing pushy.

And even more so when it's a stranger date rather than somebody you've known for a while. I think it's appropriate to hold back on kissing someone and in no way implies that you think they are "inexperienced".

neiljames77 Thu 30-Jan-14 21:58:50

Just because he's older doesn't mean he has loads of experience anyway. He may have had one partner for years and not got up to much. I started seeing an older woman when I was in my late teens and I was looking forward to being taught a thing or two. It turned out that she'd been with the same bloke since she was about 15 and he was a 2 pump charlie who never did anything for her.

Lweji Thu 30-Jan-14 22:06:04

That's all fine, Bertie, but it's this sentence "I kinda wanted him to kiss me but he didn't cos I think he figured that I do not have experience with men."

I'm just trying to ascertain where this experienced/not experienced came from. If it's muchtooshy's hang ups, or something that she felt from him.

I think it's too early to tell, personally. My take on it is that it's far more likely to be OP's interpretation especially as she says "I think he figured..."

But, who knows. I don't think it's enough of a red flag to run for the hills. Perhaps more of a pale amber grin ie, keep an eye, if it keeps being an issue then yes you may have an issue, but not worth focusing on especially if you are liable to overthink and it totally totally totally could have been innocent/good intentions/his own first date nerves or anything! I'd have a look at the situation as a whole after another, say, 2-4 dates and see how things are going, and not worry about this for now.

handfulofcottonbuds Thu 30-Jan-14 22:57:50

I agree with bertie - just enjoy it, you will both be learning together. No matter how experienced someone is, you atill learn with someone new.

Smile, enjoy learning how to flirt and do what you both feel is natural. No rush, no time limits. Enjoy the butterflies! I miss them

When's the next date?

muchtooshy Fri 31-Jan-14 16:58:43

Idid tell him I was nervous before we went out so he knew that.

handfulofcottonbuds Fri 31-Jan-14 17:24:27

When are you seeing him again? Has he been texting etc?

I really wouldn't worry about the not kissing thing on a first date, as you told him how nervous you were he probably didn't want to risk making you feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes it's not worth over analysing and just go with what makes you happy - especially as it was a first date.

I personally don't see any red flags here after one date.

muchtooshy Fri 31-Jan-14 17:41:27

Seeing him tomorrow and texting loads.

Prob is just me as I don't like my body much at all.

handfulofcottonbuds Fri 31-Jan-14 20:07:46

Yay! How exciting smile

I have a feeling that your confidence will build. What woman likes their body completely anyway?

Just have a nice time and let us know how the kiss goes.

muchtooshy Sat 01-Feb-14 09:05:01

Have never really liked how I look.

Am nervous but don't really notice the age difference apart from with this issue. He has asked me round to his place for a drink

ALittleStranger Sat 01-Feb-14 09:07:56

Err, so he's invited you around for a shag. Yeah, sounds like he's not too worried about you being inexperienced.

gobbynorthernbird Sat 01-Feb-14 09:13:57

Second date at his? I wouldn't.

Lweji Sat 01-Feb-14 09:19:01

Perhaps you should trust your gut feelings. You are nervous. Instead of thinking it's you, why not try to understand what makes you nervous?

For now I'd keep it to public places.

muchtooshy Sat 01-Feb-14 09:39:07

He said it would be easier to go to his first cos he works at my side of town but all the pubs are near where he lives. That way he wouldn't be coming all the way back across town.

Think I am nervous that I will make a prat of myself and cos I don't know what he is thinking.

ALittleStranger Sat 01-Feb-14 09:41:37

You don't know what he's thinking because you're ignoring the obvious. He's thinking cheap and lazy date swiftly leading to a shag.

And why aren't you wondering if he's going to make a prat of himself?!

That little geographical scenario does not stop you meeting him at a nice pub or restaurant.

muchtooshy Sat 01-Feb-14 11:04:33

Maybe I should suggest meeting him in the pub instead and see what he says.

Really didn't think of it like that!! He has been nice and polite the whole time.

handfulofcottonbuds Sat 01-Feb-14 11:12:32

I would also keep it to public places for now. If he is a 'nice, polite' man, he will understand.

Logg1e Sat 01-Feb-14 11:26:36

Agreed. Listen to your instincts and don't have the second date at his house. I really don't understand his reasoning for this.

I'd also recommend you look up this book, "The Gift Of Fear" and see if it's something you fancy reading.

Logg1e Sat 01-Feb-14 11:28:17

Also, don't feel that insisting on this is because of a lack of experience and confidence on your part. I'd expect this because of experience and confidence.

neiljames77 Sat 01-Feb-14 11:30:00

I know you've wanted to go out with him for a while but I hope you're not just dancing to his tune.
If the worry for you that you want to go to his place for 'drinks', as he suggests, but are bothered that he'll think you're not very good in bed, then I'd put that thought right out of your mind. It would bother him whether it's your first time or if you're a porn star.
If the worry is that you don't feel ready yet to be going round to his place but don't want him to think you're immature and call it off altogether, I'd run that risk. At least it'll let you know what kind of man he is.

muchtooshy Sat 01-Feb-14 11:31:36

The plan was go to his place as he would have just finished work and then go out to a pub nearby.

Will text him when he is on his lunch break about meeting somewhere instead.

Preciousbane Sat 01-Feb-14 11:32:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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