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Why me?!?

(31 Posts)
MyLifesAMess Thu 30-Jan-14 12:56:44

Relationship ended over Christmas as I found out he was seeing another woman.

Went our separate ways, all seemed fine until I missed my period so did a pregnancy test. It was positive, made contact with him to tell him etc. He wants me to have an abortion so it doesn't ruined his fantastic new relationship (his exact words). I thought about it before telling him as I don't want anything to do with him. Now I'm thinking that maybe I want to keep the baby. I told him this as he's saying he won't have anything to do with me or the baby. I know id struggle financially.

Any advice on what to do?

CandyJournal Thu 30-Jan-14 17:57:26

MyLifesAMess - Do you want to keep the baby?

ALittleStranger Thu 30-Jan-14 21:51:57

You need to make decisions based on worst case scenarios, as they are the most likely I'm afraid.

Do not imagine you will get much financial support from him. Even with the CSA involved you might get a pittance. Can you manage finanically alone?

You cannot be huffy about him or the OW seeing the baby, if you have it. He might well decide he wants contact. It's his child too and you have to accept the implications of that when you choose to have a child with him. Can you do that?

You also need to reassess your support network. I agree with others that your "friend" did not tell her accidentally. You can't even be 12 weeks pregnant yet, why is she blurting it out to strangers. Can you raise this child if your support network turns out to be crap drama queens?

I think what worries me is your OP reads like one motivation for having a baby is to screw him over.

TwittyMcTwitterson Thu 30-Jan-14 22:00:54

I'm probably not going to be liked for this comment as it is a little heartless but fuck him.

If you want to keep the baby, then do so. His opinions are of no concern to you. It's your body. Your baby.

I'm not a single mother tho I feel like one at times. You will always have enough money. I personally don think babies cost much apart from setting up home. Which also can be done cheaply. Childcare is what costs.

From his immaturity and downright callousness towards you, you are better off not having him in YOUR baby's life. You can do it alone. What's more, you'll be a great mum because you'll love your baby more than you loved him and more than you ever thought you could love anything.

You have the power to be a great mum. Screw him belt him rot.

Congratulations too xx

Lavenderhoney Fri 31-Jan-14 10:56:49

You have to put him out of your mind to make a decision. Whether he stays with ow or not, or gets another etc, moves on, forget it for now. You can't see into the future wrt him.

The question is, do you want to have a baby? No one can choose for you. Have you seen a gp? Do you work and could afford childcare? He will have to contribute. Forget about him and your friend certainly didn't tell by mistake. He's not going to come back, by the sound of it, and his charm less comments say you don't need to have any more to do with him.

Could you cope with having a termination? And afterwards? Its very difficult for you as you are dealing with the relationship breakdown as well.

thanks

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Fri 31-Jan-14 11:10:52

ALittleStranger says it perfectly. You cannot unilaterally choose to exclude the father from the baby's life. Both he and the child will have a say, whether you like it or not. Anyone who says he is immaterial is being naive.

Having said that, it is absolutely your decision whether or not to continue with the pregnancy, you do not have to listen to his opinions on this.

Good luck.

SirRaymondClench Fri 31-Jan-14 11:48:25

You need to stop thinking about this arsehole, his gf and anything else to do with him and concentrate on you and this baby if you want to have it.
You seem to be focussing on making him pay and your so called friend dropping it into conversation when she saw this OW? hmm well that part sounds very teenage to me.
If you want this baby then focus on that and forget this dickhead. Let him get on with his life and don't contact him again. Let the CSA deal with him and you get on with this bub.

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