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Am I the aggressor as he says?

(78 Posts)
Dinkel Wed 29-Jan-14 11:56:29

Please be honest and tell me whether I am as awful as he says I am.

My DP left on Sunday. We have a daughter who is a few months old.

To give you some background, we have been together about 8 years on and off. He is divorced and also has DCs with his ex wife.
When I became pregnant I was on the pill, so it was unplanned. He wanted me to terminate. I went for counselling and as far as booking the termination, but cancelled it the day before as I couldn't go through with it. He decided he wanted us to be a family and we moved to a bigger house nearer our families.
I think I suffered from undiagnosed antenatal depression, as i definitely wasnt myself. He left several times throughout my pregnancy saying I was weird, fat etc. Every time he left he said he wanted nothing to do with his unborn child. I always took him back as I wanted my daughter to have a dad in her life. And I loved him.

I had my DD and he has been a good dad on the whole. But, our parenting styles differ significantly. He says I am possessive and obsessed with my DD. I say he is too hard and rough with her, but there is no doubt that he loves her; he's smitten.

We have had quite a few rows and he has left me twice. I am suffering from PND and am on ADs and having CBT. It is more anxiety-bases about my daughter. I know I havent been easy to live with and have been over protective of my DD at times.

He has called me fat, schizophrenic, weird, said he can do so much better than me and that I am a bad mum.
He has always been critical of people in general, but I am starting to believe he is emotionally abusive. My family think he is... they say I am a shadow of the person I was before I met him

We had his other DCs this weekend. All was good until Saturday night. He wasn't in the best of moods. We went to bed and his children had left the light on by mistake. I was feeding DD so asked him to turn it out. He refused. I jokingly lifted the duvet off of him and asked him again. He turned round, pulled DD off of my breast and told me to do it. Not only did this hurt me, but my DD screamed and cried. Instinctively, I punched him in the arm. I know I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what came over me. I asked him to leave the room and sleep downstairs. He refused and kept trying to pull my DD off of me. I was trying to push him away from us with my feet. He was smirking and telling me I'm crazy. I was full of remorse for lashing out and kept apologising. But I was so shocked that he pulled my DD off of me and was using her to try to get to me.

Sunday was OK, we had quite a nice day, but he was off-ish with me. At about 8pm, my DD was asleep on me and had been for some time. I commented that I should wake her so that she could be fed. He went to lift her off of me by the scruff of her sleep suit. I shouted at him not to lift her like that, but he grappled with me, so I flicked his ear. He punched ne hard in the leg, so I pinched him. He punched me again harder. His DC told him to stop.

Kleptronic Wed 29-Jan-14 21:05:37

All true, and all power to you Dinkel, you have been dealing with extremely horrible, dangerous, frightening circumstances. You can do this, keep you and her safe, now and in the future, report these crimes. [hug]

Dinkel Wed 29-Jan-14 21:10:55

I will always keep her safe. She's my everything. Thanks again.

AnUnearthlyChild Wed 29-Jan-14 21:22:31

You have defended your baby and removed the aggressor and that is magnificent

I agree with kleptronic, so I'll say it again for you smile

As has been said many times before on here, the benchmark of acceptable behaviour is 'what if a stranger walked in a n did what he just did 'would that be ok? Would a court look unfavourably on a breast feeding mum defending her baby that just had been grabbed?

Can you imagine the headlines?

You are NOT an aggressor. It is abusive fuckwit 101. Drearily predictable.

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