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dealing with separation

(183 Posts)
keptinthedark Fri 24-Jan-14 00:08:45

my husband has been gone almost four weeks ......the pain is still insurmountable ...i can't eat or sleep i just sob and wail ...i want him back so badly i am in tablets from the doctor but they are n
ot helping .....help me

keptinthedark Sun 23-Feb-14 22:17:42

two youngest dcs went with h yesterday he let them speak to ow on the phone and she said i am a size 10 not fat like your mum!! how dare she say that to my children! he also told them he is moving to derby about four hours away from here ....then he took them to his mothers where he broke down in tears and did it was hard and he thought he had made a mistake to which mil replied no you haven't you are away from that poisonous woman!! omg my head is spinning i am so so upset and angry by what is being said!! also h has changed his mobile number and is refusing to let me have it!

SerenaBracken Fri 21-Feb-14 19:25:16

Aagh sorry, no post then came up twice.

SerenaBracken Fri 21-Feb-14 19:24:01

Kept, I have just read your entire thread and your suffering isn't entirely about love, but rejection.
The reason it's so painful, is that you have suffered a bereavement, only the person is still alive. Not only alive, but taunting you as he is wallowing in the attention of two women.

Your life has become a self fulfilling prophecy. Function all day for the children and collapse into the cheat's robe at night.
Don't bin the robe just yet, bear with me.
The death of your marriage needs a marking of such. It needs a Funeral.
Ask anyone here how they felt after a death of a loved one. The lead up to the funeral and after the funeral?
I bet everyone would say the funeral was a release.

That is what you need now, to let go.

Have a robe burning ceremony. Take your children to grans, invite the girls and burn his robe in the garden. Then have a damn good drink and a takeaway.
You can do it, just break the cycle of misery.

SerenaBracken Fri 21-Feb-14 18:48:39

Kept, I have just read your entire thread and your suffering isn't entirely about love, but rejection.
The reason it's so painful, is that you have suffered a bereavement, only the person is still alive. Not only alive, but taunting you as he is wallowing in the attention of two women.

Your life has become a self fulfilling prophecy. Function all day for the children and collapse into the cheat's robe at night.
Don't bin the robe just yet, bear with me.
The death of your marriage needs a marking of such. It needs a Funeral.
Ask anyone here how they felt after a death of a loved one. The lead up to the funeral and after the funeral?
I bet everyone would say the funeral was a release.

That is what you need now, to let go.

Have a robe burning ceremony. Take your children to grans, invite the girls and burn his robe in the garden. Then have a damn good drink and a takeaway.
You can do it, just break the cycle of misery.

Onmyownwith4kids Fri 21-Feb-14 08:44:59

His behaviour is farcical. Let him get on with his "engagement"..I suspect he's getting a lot of satisfaction with the impact his behaaviour is having on you. Don't rise to it..let them get on with their pathetic little affair. It won't last they seem to enjoy playing to an audience. Make it clear you're too busy with your own life to have any interest at all.

kept, fwiw means for what it's worth

I've just read through your thread. I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. Something stands out from your posts, you seem to be using a lot of your energy thinking about your Ex and the OW. It's partly understandable given what you've been through but try to make YOU and your DCs the main focus of your thoughts, energy and efforts. it may seem hard at the moment but try to put yourself and your DCs first, concentrate on building towards a different but happy life.

Your Ex does not deserve to be the focus of everything - you do.

keptinthedark Thu 20-Feb-14 21:49:55

neiljames fwiw??

neiljames77 Thu 20-Feb-14 14:13:58

No, fwiw, I don't think so.
Give him his divorce, get rid of him and get on with the rest of your life.
He's a horrible, spiteful man. You need to stop pining for him. For your sake and your children's sakes.

keptinthedark Thu 20-Feb-14 00:55:43

so found out h got engaged on valentines day to ow now he has decided he wants a quick divorce so he can marry the slut !! he can bloody well wait don't you think??

Kept, you are grieving for the loss of your relationship, the man you thought he was, not who he actually is.

Selling the ring is cruel, but no more cruel this all the other stuff he's done.

Stay strong, you will get through this.

keptinthedark Sun 16-Feb-14 17:30:35

so finally h has two youngest dcs overnight last night and because he spent all day on the phone to ow my son ended up hysterical and being brought home at two this morning .......i have also just found out h has sold his wedding ring!! what an evil callous thing to do i feel like he has stabbed me in the heart all over again i am still not getting over him i still love him and desperately want him back am still an emotional wreck

Kept - he is an evil fucker. He knows exactly what he's doing. Messing with your head, keeping you off balance. That way he keeps control. And keeps you dangling on the end of his hook. Just in case it doesn't work out or he gets bored and decides he'll come back for a bit. Until the next OW.
The messages are because you threatened divorce. To fuck with you a bit, so you forget all that stuff and go back to being the manageable, biddable back up plan.

Tell him nothing. Give him no information. Build a wall and get behind it. He his not your friend.

keptinthedark Thu 13-Feb-14 19:39:05

omg yet again i get another text meant for ow sent to me by mistake .....why is he being so cruel to me how can you make the same mistake twice in as many days??? bet him and ow are having a really good laugh at my expense !!

handfulofcottonbuds Wed 12-Feb-14 17:09:23

kept - please read the posts on your thread lovely. There is so much good advice on here, it will help you to read it all together.

Keep saying this out loud, "how dare he treat me like this, I won't let him"!!

Chyochan Wed 12-Feb-14 15:30:23

Omg, what you have just described sounds unhinged, what a freak he is.

One day you will see you are so well rid.

I hope its soon.

Onmyownwith4kids Wed 12-Feb-14 15:12:27

Of course he did it on purpose..trying to get a reaction out of you..How utterly sad and pathetic..there was no way that text was sent by accident..don't rise too it..He's just not worth it

keptinthedark Wed 12-Feb-14 15:01:24

received a text from h last night saying how much he loved me then received a call thirty minutes later saying the text was meant for ow!! omg that killed me i think he did it on purpose what a horrible think to do i spent thirty minutes thinking that the nightmare was finally over

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 11-Feb-14 22:30:42

YES!!! Definitely! He's cruel, just cruel.

He can only win his games if you allow him.

Do you know what, I hope you get to the stage where you say she's welcome to him.

I said that to my H and it sent him into a panic and then I stopped contact, best thing I did.

keptinthedark Tue 11-Feb-14 22:25:13

still signed off work are looking to change my hours but no luck yet .....h sent me a lovey dovey text tonight and then apologized said it was meant for ow it broke my heart i think he did it on purpose part of his game playing what for you think??

handfulofcottonbuds Tue 11-Feb-14 12:59:29

Did you manage to rearrange your working hours yet? I do think that if you're still off work then you have an awful lot of time to think about him and not any distractions from those thoughts.

How about you contact that friend who you went to lunch with a couple of weeks ago and meet for lunch again? Just something different to the same torturous routine.

Do you think your ADs are working now?

keptinthedark Tue 11-Feb-14 12:04:32

not good i am afraid to say still cannot except its really over h has got kids for first time overnight on Saturday maybe i should go out? don't think i am ready though just wish i could make him see his made a big mistake abduction for him to come home where he belongs

handfulofcottonbuds Mon 10-Feb-14 23:39:20

How are you doing kept?

Can you update?

keptinthedark Sat 08-Feb-14 22:34:53

so h calls me and says that he is worried about the fact that i am still so upset wtf does he expect he says he values me as a friend and wants me to find someone else and be happy again wtf does he expect!!??!!

keptinthedark Thu 06-Feb-14 23:26:04

didn't mean a word of it wanted to see his reaction which was not what i wanted he just got angry and said but we agreed on two year separation i wanted him to say it was to final but he didn't just got worked up about me mentioning naming ow said she wouldn't like it like i give a damn about her!!!

talullah57 Thu 06-Feb-14 23:23:33

I am up and down cotton tbh. It is now a year on and I'm tired. Read a lot of posts here but don't post much myself. Have learnt alot in mn in only a couple of days. The rollercoaster of emotions is huge and fast. I've been to hell and back in past year and have frankly been alone for past 12 or so years. This has all happened on my doorstep which is the hardest. I'll get through it. Just wish I was somewhere else geographically.

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