....Or rather I do, but I cant physically let myself...I become defensive and completely put the shutters down.
Brief History:
Been with Dp 6 years, 1 ds aged 2.
After being with dp a few months, sex life great until I started taking pill. Developed vaginismus as just wasnt "feeling it" down there and it became painful. Thats where Id say the problems started.
After that sex became a sort of...chore. I worried about it and thus put myself off, felt a failure, dp felt rejected etc etc..
We sort of trundled along managing sex now and again but it was never something I felt relaxed about.
Somehow fell pregnant, didnt have sex much throughout that 9 months, didnt feel like it.
Traumatic birth, stitches, complete undiluted fear and dread of sex. It took 9 months to feel brave enough to try.
I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and anxiety when ds was 1.5. Spent 1 year on anti-deps. The crumb of sex drive that remained, vanished.
Recently came off anti-deps as felt ready, and now want to be a "normal" person and enjoy sex again. But I have forgotten what to do, how to feel :(
Last time we tried I felt so ill at ease and uncomfortable I cried afterwards. I was just so tense and couldnt relax, instead of being into it I was on High Alert incase it hurt.
Dp is a Saint. He watches some porn now and again for some "relief" and I feel so shit about that. Frightened he might want to look elsewhere eventually :(
I started taking Omega 3 and Vitamin E as I read they can aid with sexdrive and I have felt great, depression and general anxiety gone.
Has anyone else felt like this, if so what did you do?
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Relationships
Why dont I want to have sex anymore :(
Feelafailure · 22/01/2014 22:16
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