Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ever bloody year !

(33 Posts)
Thattimeofyearagain Wed 22-Jan-14 07:55:52

So ncd for this, generally rib along with dh ok, been together over 20 years, but for every one of those years ( except last year ) he has started an argument/ sulking in the week before my birthday ( big birthday last year, so organised a lovely weekend away, kids prompted !!)
I thought he had turned over a new leaf, but no, its my birthday this weekend, and right on scedule hes started sniping and moaning.
Just a rant, hes ok the rest of the year.

Lweji Wed 22-Jan-14 08:00:33

Why do you think he's doing it?
Does it actually ruin your birthday?

I'd be tempted to tell him to bugger off for that week and the day.

Thattimeofyearagain Wed 22-Jan-14 08:05:40

Yes, it has ruined it in the past. His big peeve is that its too close to Christmas, but its not like I move it about angry .
I'm planning on buggering off to the gym for the day, but dd is 15 now and has noticed and is getting upset.
I may do a spa day with her instead.

Rummikub Wed 22-Jan-14 08:10:00

Do something nice with your dd on your actual birthday, and pick a date that is as far away from Christmas as possible, and have an official birthday. Would that still make him grumpy? Seems a bit mean of him really.

Thattimeofyearagain Wed 22-Jan-14 08:18:59

Its selfish,the official birthday thing wont work, I suggested celebrating mine after pay day, but that's childish, apparently. Btw his summer birthday is always whilst were on holiday, so meal, pressies, general big night out with friends \family.

Walkacrossthesand Wed 22-Jan-14 08:22:44

Is this really the only thing he's unreasonable about? Seems such an odd way for an otherwise reasonable person to behave!

fiftyandfab Wed 22-Jan-14 08:35:29

Sounds like a prize twat! Does he realise he's done this EVERY year? He knows your date of birth, WTF does it matter being 'too close to Christmas'? And make sure you're not on hols and giving him a Disney birthday this summer! Selfish fucking chump.

Heathcliff27 Wed 22-Jan-14 08:49:46

I wouldnt pick another date to celebrate. Your birthday is your birthday and assuming he knew the date pretty soon after you met.

I would just accept that he isnt interested in celebrating your special day so would arrange stuff without him making sure everyone knows what his problem is. As for this weekend, can you turn the spa day with your daughter into an overnight at spa hotel for you and your daughter with a lovely spa day followed by dinner, overnight and a nice mornings shopping together.

Dont let him know it upsets you, leave him on his own and arrange to be away with friends/DD from now on.

Happy birthday when it comes thanks

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 22-Jan-14 08:58:33

The 'too soon after Christmas' remark... is he just a tightwad? Does he think that, by making an unpleasant atmosphere, it lets him off buying gifts or organising a treat? Or is he an egoist that doesn't like other people getting any attention? Like a PP I find it hard to believe he only does this once a year.

Hissy Wed 22-Jan-14 09:01:01

My ex used to do this, as part of his general shitty behaviour.

Haul him over hot coals and refuse to put up with it!

Take your DC away, exclude him until he stops behaving like a baby.

No participation in his birthday this year either.

ExcuseTypos Wed 22-Jan-14 09:05:50

Ask him how he would like it if you behaved this way, the week before his birthday, every, single year.

Seriously are you sure he's only a dick with regards to your birthday?

nostress Wed 22-Jan-14 09:40:50

I have a friend and her husband is like it. He likes to be the centre of attention and cant stand the fact that its not him getting all the attention. He is a massive child! Is your dh a mummies boy? Generally pandered to my his parents?

myroomisatip Wed 22-Jan-14 10:28:51

hhmmmm I am also wondering if he behaves badly over other things.

My Ex did this exactly but much more to boot!

I think it is very sad that you repeatedly are given the message that you are not cared about sufficiently for him to make a fuss of you at this one time, if this is what you want. sad

Arrange something that does not involve him and I hope you have a lovely day. flowers

Lweji Wed 22-Jan-14 10:56:32

Who cares how close to Christmas it is?

Lots of people have birthdays at this time and get proper birthdays.

My DS does, as do my Sis, Bro and BIL, (although not big events) and they are all in the first half of January.

I'd be telling him now that either he starts celebrating your birthday properly, including not being a twat, or as far as you're concerned you're not celebrating his birthday again.

Lweji Wed 22-Jan-14 10:58:54

Besides, he can still be the centre of attention if he makes a big deal out of your birthday. He can get recognition for a nice present, for arranging a successful event with family and friends for you, etc.

I'm also surprised there is nothing else going on.
Such as contributing with work at home, money, spending time together and with the children.

ExcuseTypos Wed 22-Jan-14 11:11:12

I agree about the "who cares how close to Christmas your birthday is"

In my house, in December we have me, DD1, DD2, my mum, sister, god dd and 2 nieces. Tell your H he's lucky it's just his wife!

Thattimeofyearagain Wed 22-Jan-14 11:24:29

That's the confusing thing, it is just this.
His dm & dd never made a big thing about birthdays, but I like to spoil people.
Dd said this morning that he would only be happy if I turned around on my birthday & told him it was his special day.
I have had this out with him many times over the years, & every time he promises to change & after last year I thought he had. Oh well, cant be arsed with the mider, I will go out with dd & we will enjoy ourselves.

Thattimeofyearagain Wed 22-Jan-14 11:29:28

Its not that I want a parade putting on, but he has asked me what present I want, but keeps saying its before pay day ( we are comfortable, not a money issue) & its an FA cup weekend
Yes, I do think he does this in the hope that I will give up celebrating my birthday.

ExcuseTypos Wed 22-Jan-14 11:37:29

Why don't you call his bluff- tell him you don't expect him to do/buy anything this year as he obviously finds it all a bit too much and it's spoiling the run up to your birthday.

You'll then be expecting nothing from him. If he still keeps moaning, just repeat "But I know you find my birthday so difficult, so I'm expecting zero effort from you"

Meanwhile plan a lovely day with your dd and see what he actually does on your Birthday. And kill him if he doesn't get you anything

Xenadog Wed 22-Jan-14 11:37:42

He is selfish and clearly jealous of any attention you may receive. I suggest you make plans to spend your birthday with friends and family and do something lovely. Deliberately exclude him so you can enjoy your time.

If he complains then just refer to his previous behaviour.

gamerchick Wed 22-Jan-14 11:39:56

tell him he's not invited and he can do his birthday without you as he sees fit. then there's no aggro.

hes being massively unfair... I would be quite hurt. does he have a problem with you being the focus of attention for one day?

bialystockandbloom Wed 22-Jan-14 11:45:17

What a baby! Is it the fact you want to make an occasion of your birthday at all, or just because it's near Christmas? If the former, sounds like he's jealous of the attention you'd get, and if the latter, how bizarre. Not like anyone can choose when their birthday is! Either way he needs to grow up. I'd do as others suggest, go and have a lovely day with dd, then go out with friends in the evening and roll in at 2am

Is he generally a bit of a show off, a bit jack the lad who wants to be the centre of attention? I couldn't care less about my birthday really but that is because I don't like being the 'special one'. I reckon your DH loves it and enjoys the fuss but doesn't like sharing the limelight. His birthday will be fine because he is the centre of attention, Christmas is fine because he has some of the limelight but having to do it for you is too much..

Does he make a big thing of Christmas and has he overdoses on goodwill and can't be bothered?

Whatever the reason he is being an arse. I agree - do you own thing and forget about him for the day.

What is he like about DC's birthdays?

LtEveDallas Wed 22-Jan-14 12:11:11

See my DH can be an arse in so many ways, but considering that he doesn't like any fuss on his birthday (or christmas) he always makes a big thing of my birthday. We don't necessarily go out or anything, but he plans treasure hunts and birthday cakes with DD, silly things that actually make me feel special.

Such a shame that your DD notices as well.

Well sod him, book something nice for you and DD and tell him why. Don't let him spoil it for you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now