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I just don't fancy him

(105 Posts)
gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 22:57:58

I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months and on paper, he ticks a lot of boxes ie. he's really nice, romantic, considerate, proper job etc... only problem is, I don't find him sexually attractive.
Can relationships work without physical attraction??

Alifelivedforwards Tue 21-Jan-14 23:00:35

Do you mean you don't fancy him as in you don't look at him and think 'cor' or do you mean you have been to bed with him and you have no sexual chemistry?

If it's the latter, then no it can't work.

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:05:57

I don't look at him and think cor. Bed was nice but not mind blowing...

wileycoyote Tue 21-Jan-14 23:07:04

Yes, have you had sex with him yet? I don'y know the answer, I'm just being nosey as I have thought this myself before when I dated someone!!

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:08:34

Yes, we have had sex. It was nice lol

wileycoyote Tue 21-Jan-14 23:09:39

Oh. How does it differ from your expectations then?

HowAboutNo Tue 21-Jan-14 23:10:17

Why would you want it to work without that attraction? Sex isn't everything, but it does count for something.

Don't waste your time (or his) if you don't feel attracted to him. You'll find what you're looking for smile

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:12:16

He's a bit on the small side and I'm worried once familiarity sets in, it won't be enough without the physical attraction to fall back on...

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:15:32

Because nice,
single, attractive men don't exist!

wileycoyote Tue 21-Jan-14 23:16:33

I have to say, that wouldn't suit me. But then I have only had relationships where we have had great/mindblowing chemistry/sex but they were disfunctional in other areas!!

TheAwfulDaughter Tue 21-Jan-14 23:16:53

The more times you shag him, the more you will find him attractive- honestly.

If he's great in all other aspects, just see where it goes...

TheAwfulDaughter Tue 21-Jan-14 23:17:22

Oh wait, I just read the sex wasn't mind-blowing. Perhaps not ;)

wileycoyote Tue 21-Jan-14 23:18:22

But I couldn't have slept with the guy that I dated where I felt I didn't fancy him - so it must be not too bad a problem if you have and the sex is good? Maybe you are just scared because he is nice!!

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:20:35

That's what I'm hoping but I don't want to lead him on if it's not going anywhere...

wileycoyote Tue 21-Jan-14 23:21:51

Well, dating is supposed to be a process of finding out if you are compatible, and that sounds like what you are doing in good faith.

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:22:22

No it wasn't mind blowing but wasn't bad...

VelvetSpoon Tue 21-Jan-14 23:23:00

Why would you want to waste your time with someone you don't find attractive? You're selling yourself short, and it's not fair on him either (assuming he does find you attractive, and isn't just making do)

I'd rather be single. But then I couldn't kiss, let alone shag, someone unless I fancied them.

FluffyJumper Tue 21-Jan-14 23:23:09

If he doesn't give you the fanny gallops then don't waste any more time.

antimatter Tue 21-Jan-14 23:23:15

if you were attracted to him as a person size of his penis wouldn't matter
a man is not his privates grin

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:25:33

Yeah I know size isn't important, but added to lack of attraction perhaps it's more of an issue?

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:27:05

As a person, I think he's lovely...

wileycoyote Tue 21-Jan-14 23:28:44

Oh, I thought you meant height not penis size. I think based on my experience if you are analysing him this objectively then there is no romance and it is dead in the water. The whole is more than the sum of it's parts!!

antimatter Tue 21-Jan-14 23:29:02

if you associate attractiveness wit hhow nice it is to have partner with bigger than average penis - then yes
nothing wrong with that

is he shy about it?

gobbledegoop Tue 21-Jan-14 23:32:34

Haha I wasn't overly worried about penis size, just thought it deserved a mention when discussing the deed! I am concerned about the lack of physical attraction on my part.

antimatter Tue 21-Jan-14 23:36:26

if you aren't attracted to him what makes you wanting to spend time with him?
time is an investment into that relationship
how long have you been seeing him

what do you imagine your weekends will be like if you never see him again

how would you feel if you saw him in a restaurant or a bar with another woman drinking champagne?

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