Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Dating Thread 68.

(1000 Posts)
Bant Mon 13-Jan-14 23:45:51

Support for everyone, dating online or in real life.

No judginess, no shoutiness. Nuff said.

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Fri 07-Feb-14 07:18:34

FolkGirl I'm very jealous. He sounds really sweet. See? You must be pretty special if he's missing you!

I have to dig some confidence out of somewhere for my interrogation... I mean date tonight. Smile Green fgs and laugh off all the questions. You don't have to answer them!!!

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Fri 07-Feb-14 08:25:54

Well my guy texted me 'sweet dreams' last night. He's going to let me know when he finishes work today as he's driving all over the country. For now, I can call him 'my guy' haha. I know by 9pm tonight I'll be over him already!

CynicalOptimist Fri 07-Feb-14 08:55:40

Sorry for the late reply my internet at home is crap!

What I mean by sets me on edge Bant and Green is that he is nice enough and, after an initial hiccup, is not trying to push things too far before we meet, but he's a bit too keen if you know what I mean!

He keeps talking about wishing we could cuddle up on the sofa together and how he loves to spend cozy nights in with "someone special" which I know sounds lovely BUT if taken another way could be taken to mean I don't want to waste time taking you out on actual dates I just want to stay in shagging and coupled with the fact we've not even met yet!

I've talked to some real weirdos online so maybe I'm getting too cautious but then I keep second guessing myself and thinking oh it's just all in my mind - maybe I should change my name to something a bit more optimistic confused

I'm going for coffee on sunday, it can't hurt and I think i will get a better idea face to face what he's like - after all it's just coffee smile

CynicalOptimist Fri 07-Feb-14 08:56:33

Oh Green hope your date went well??!! grin

Blossomflowers Fri 07-Feb-14 09:16:35

So chap who went missing has sent me a message last night apologising for not being in touch as he has been ill, umm would you respond. ?

TheCrow Fri 07-Feb-14 09:25:24

Blossom Was it an illness that meant he couldn't type? Has he suggested another date? Has he apologised for leaving you hanging and not letting you know he was ill?

dippinmytoe Fri 07-Feb-14 09:26:29

cynical I know what you mean, I've had the I just want to snuggle messages too and they kinda freak me out. I know you can get on well with someone texting or messaging, but until you meet in reality and see is there a spark the talk of snuggling puts me off. I also take it as I can't be ar**d paying for a coffee or a drink and just want a shag ! My home is my sanctuary and I only invite people I know in to it.
I'm going to cancel tonight's date as I'm just not feeling it .

folk your guy sounds lovely , take it easy on yourself, rebuilding self belief takes a while. I wouldn't throw in the towel yet

CynicalOptimist Fri 07-Feb-14 09:28:28

Blossom if I get a message like that I usually read it as really meaning "Sorry I've not been in touch but the person I thought was a better prospect didn't work out and I'm hoping you're not pissed off enough to not give me another chance"

He may have been ill but were his arms broken or was he completely incapacitated??

I wouldn't respond but that's just me.....

FolkGirl Fri 07-Feb-14 09:33:22

Thanks all. I'm going to really try and resist the urge to post on here every time I have a doubt.

Blossom I might give him the benefit of the doubt. Once. After all, he might have been delirious with fever. But only once and I'd bear it in mind the whole time.

Green are you definitely going on the date then? Good luck. I hope it goes well.

dippinmytoe I wouldn't necessarily cancel tonight unless you really don't want to meet him. What will you do tonight instead? I usually took a "well I'll have an interesting afternoon/evening even if nothing comes of it." And it's better than Friday night TV...

Blossomflowers Fri 07-Feb-14 09:34:29

Ummm that was what I was thinking cynical. Not suggested anything other than apology and asked how I am am. Maybe I am being cynical, is it catching grin

CynicalOptimist Fri 07-Feb-14 09:35:35

Dippinmytoe that's how i feel too and I have told him I need to know someone REALLY well before they get invited to my home, I'll see on sunday if the message has sunk in.

It's a shame your having to cancel tonight but I must admit I've done the same. If I'm not excited about the prospect of meeting someone I take it as a sign that I just should leave it.

I've been single for so long I'm not settling for anything other than fireworks!! grin

CynicalOptimist Fri 07-Feb-14 09:41:39

FolkGirl just post whenever you feel the urge, it's good to know you're not the only person having doubts when you start second guessing yourself! smile

Oh Blossom I hope not!
I always swore I wouldn't let OLD make me cynical and now look at me! shock

dippinmytoe Fri 07-Feb-14 09:56:36

folk by cancelling I get to celebrate my friends birthday and lots of wine ;) if I meet him... it's a night of doubt and sparkling water ! I'm only single for 7 / 8 months , but can't be bothered meeting guys just for the sake of it . So cynical I'm with you on the fireworks.

I never remember it being this tricky when I met my exh .. but I suppose no kids were involved, so life was simpler.

blossom unless he lost the use of his arms it's a lame excuse !

FolkGirl Fri 07-Feb-14 09:57:44

Thanks Cynical.

I've just re-read what I posted last night.

Now i'm beginning to wonder if it's just that he likes to take things slowly and make sure that any relationship he has is built on a solid foundation, whereas I'm a bit more 'jump in feet first' (and that always works out so well for me... wink )

FolkGirl Fri 07-Feb-14 09:58:53

Oh well in that case, dip I think you're making absolutely the right decision! grin

OhWesternWind Fri 07-Feb-14 10:05:34

Dipping about tonight's date, I think you never know if you are going to click until you actually meet. Someone can be great on paper/messaging and there's nothing there in real life or vice versa. The latter certainly happens - I wasn't set on fire by Alpha's messaging at all but as soon as I saw him I knew there would be something there, and there's been no looking back since then :-). I would be upset if someone cancelled a date on the same day, it would leave me feeling bad and also with little opportunity to make any other plans.

Sometimes it can be difficult not to get cynical but maybe it is the time to take a break from OD if you're feeling that way. If it's not fun, stop.

Folk be gentle with yourself, if you're enjoying the relationship whilst you're together then it sounds worth carrying on to me. Does he know about your anxiety? I wonder if it would help to tell him then as he sounds a really lovely bloke he might be able to give you some help/reassurance/whatever you need.

FolkGirl Fri 07-Feb-14 10:09:24

No, he doesn't know Western. I'm worried about scaring him off to be honest. That, or hearing something I don't want to...

Argh. Stupid head! confused

dippinmytoe Fri 07-Feb-14 10:10:23

Yes I think my decision is made.. night with friends instead grin

I deleted my pof account , now on okc ... in 12 hours .. 3 requests for me to be a sub and an offer of a guy to come to my house and do chores in the nude !! I would be fully clothed .. wtf. My profile is normal , no boobs out pics .. people are strange !!

FolkGirl Fri 07-Feb-14 10:13:18

People are, indeed, strange!

I haven't attracted anyone like that!

dippinmytoe Fri 07-Feb-14 10:16:36

western I get the feeling I was a 2nd choice for tonights date .. when asked when I was free , I said tonight. . Fri night was def out for him. Then a while later fri was an option ! It also turns out he is shorter than me .. tho his profile says same height as me 5' 9 , he told me I was quite tall , I replied with same height as you.... turns out he is 2 inches shorter !! I now where heels alot... so I would be very tall over him , a big no jo for me ..

Blossomflowers Fri 07-Feb-14 10:34:11

dipp I think that weirdo on okC might have contacted me or dread the thought there are lots of men out there wanting to be a personal slave lol.

dippinmytoe Fri 07-Feb-14 10:42:15

blossom he has a design agency or something. . It is just crazy... I will come to your house , get naked , and do what you want .. no touching , no sex ! It livens up his boring work day ... I wonder would he clean the house for me ? [Wink]

OhWesternWind Fri 07-Feb-14 10:46:52

Now I would have taken that to mean he's rearranged things so that he can fit in with my availability Dipping. It's really interesting how people read situations differently. Hope you have a good night out with your friends.

Blossom I think OkC is a bit more alternative like that. I never had any luck on there at all, got messages from people in Canada and Dubai and only one local contact who just wanted to chat and chat and chat. But no-one offering to do my chores, nude or otherwise.

Folk do you have the thing about him running off once he finds out what you're "really like"? He won't, you know. I think he sounds great, and it might be a weight off your mind to let him in and trust him with some of this stuff, maybe not all of it at first but you could start to open the door. I'm really trying to take my own advice at the moment and do this in my life too with Alpha as I find it difficult to admit when I have a problem and ask for help, but every time I've done it he has been an absolute star. He's never let me down and I have the feeling your man will be the same. It sounds like he thinks you are brilliant, which you are, and the most difficult thing for him is likely not to be you sharing any problems but you closing him out from important things going on in your life.

Blossomflowers Fri 07-Feb-14 10:55:44

dipp oh this one said he was an accountant and so very polite about it all, stated his interests as cleaning, I was almost tempted my house is a tip lol. Another one asked me if I would like to be a key holder, ( like to be chastised) I look so demure on my photos, I don't get it either

GreenRedBlueYellowPurple Fri 07-Feb-14 10:56:59

My date is tonight cynical optimist!

This thread is not accepting new messages.